It's getting down to the wire on Dancing With The Stars, we're at the quarter final already! Come, let us reminisce together over last night's episode.

First up, Monty and Nerida to take to the floor for the waltz. They dance to the tune of what is probably a classic waltz tune but all I can think of is how it was the music from the Lux soap ads in the 80's. Monty really looks like he's enjoying himself, although I wish he could dance with his mouth closed but he seems incapable of multi-tasking.

Never mind, they look beautiful and they cap it off Monty delicately spinning with Nerida in his arms. So sweet. The judges find it ‘nice' with Craig describing it as "facially very cute to watch, but your butt was sticking out all the way through". Has Monty been cursed with a bubble butt? Nerida says she has fond memories of dancing the rumba with Shane in the first season. I bet you do Nerida!

Miriama and Jonny are up next for the quickstep. These two are so boring. Now before you start going ‘boo hiss' at the computer screen and breaking out your voodoo dolly, I mean that they are boring because they make it all look so effortless and never put a foot wrong, you just can't fault them.

Jonny does a fancy hold and spin and Miriama is miraculously vaulted aloft his shoulder, a fitting finale for a dance performed to the song ‘Sitting On Top Of The World'. The judges all love it; however they do detect some grimaces of pain from the pair. Miriama has hurt her ribs, but explains that it's common among female dancers and that Suzanne and Lorraine suffered the same malady, so ‘maybe it's a good omen'. Ooh get her!

I think their dance is surely worth a 9 at least but they get 8's from all the judges, apart from Paul who obviously received my psychic messages and gives them a 9.

We next get to see a clip of Stefano experiencing life on court as he has a go at filling Temepara's shoes as a netballer. There is a lovely moment when Stefano propositions Helen Clark to be his next dancing partner. Temepara tells Helen she should go for it. That's what I love about this country. Where else in the world could you sidle up to the prime minister at a netball game (she, resplendent in her personalised PM bib) and ask her to ballroom dance with you?

We are then transported back to the dance floor for the fiery tango. Temepara puts her fierce face on. They leap, they spin, they scowl. The crowd is clapping along as they dance to ‘Hernandos Hideaway' which we later learn from Stefano is a classic song for ballroom dances. I will be pulling that fact out at my next party!

The judges all agree the routine is a winner. Craig is particularly praiseworthy of Stefano's choreography describing it as ‘absolutely wicked'. They get a magical score of 34, with a 10 thrown in from Paul. It's his birthday, but you get the presents!

Cory and Rebecca finish out the first half of the show with the waltz. These two really need to pull out all the stops. Cory led last week's Yahoo!Xtra poll as to who should be next to go with a mammoth 60% of the vote. Unfortunately, they fail to impress and their routine is boring. Just boring. Not magnificently boring like Miriama and Jonny, merely dull.

[IMG1 R ] Rebecca's ruffled layer cake dress is impressive though in that it makes her look like one of those toilet paper doll cover monstrosities that your nana might knit for you, only sexier (if that is possible). Cory admits he would love to see Miriama and Temepara in the final because they are amazing. What a nice guy. He knows how to win the peeps over. You're sure to get a few more votes out of that one mate. Too cynical??

Craig says the performance was ‘square and two-dimensional' but then goes on to explain that the celebrity boys have it harder as they have to lead the girls and so aren't able to do the flashy, exciting moves that the professional dance boys pull off. Ooh that makes sense. I feel bad now for saying horrid things about them. Sob.

Now we're into Act Two and it's time for Monty and Nerida to do the rumba. Jason tells us their version is based on a lovers' tiff. Sounds peculiar, will it be? Yes it will!! Nerida sashays onto the dancefloor in a dress constructed of several glomesh purses. If you don't know what glomesh is, ask your Mum. She's bound to have one tucked away in the back of the wardrobe.

Monty's shirt is the deepest of V-necks, and he is angry about it!! These two hurl emotions at each other in a display of abundantly bad acting. They scowl and hiss, and then they embrace and writhe like snakes in heat. The judges have some concerns over the balance of acting versus dancing.

Brendan says he ‘loved the energy and believed in the story'. But we never really pay attention to what Brendan says, do we? Alison seems determined (as always) to inject some sexual innuendo into all her comments and after rambling on about Monty being a sexy hooker in the making she tells him that he needs to keep his ‘headlights' up and not point them towards the floor. They get a pretty good score of 27 all things considered.

Miriama and Jonny emerge in pink lacy mesh for the chacha. Well, Jonny is sporting the pink lacy mesh, and he is clearly competing with Monty for who can show the most flesh as his is almost slashed to the navel.

It looks like they spent a bit less time practicing this dance, which is understandable; it must be hard to cram two dances into one week. They're still awesome though and Jonny does a fine finish in which he unfurls Miriama like one of the Dead Sea scrolls from chest height. Ooh but the judges have harsh words on their form and are less than impressed with Miriama's leg action and they get a paltry score of 21.

Miriama reminds them that she is carrying an injury which has affected her performance. Harden up Miriama. Don't you know Nerida has scoliosis? And even evil old Heather Mills stomped around the dance floor in the US version with her mono-leg!

Temepara and Stefano step up for the rumba. Stefano has a near orgasmic expression as he slides Temepara between his legs. Now that's what I call acting!! Monty and Nerida take note. I just can't help it, I love these two, they are so fab.

There are a few rough bits and a slightly awkward ending but it's still great. Craig declares Temepara a ‘sex goddess'. The judges like their dance but have a few negative comments to make; it's still a great performance, especially in light of the poorer showing of the second half.

Finally, we have Cory and Rebecca doing the Paso Doble. These two better have something spectacular lined up or else it's lights out for them. They do a very angry Paso Doble to "Live And Let Die". Why is everyone so angry this week!!

There's quite a bit of clumsy dragging and rolling, and lots and lots of walking. Cory does a spectacular kick and then does a spins his partner on the floor to finish. Polish that parquet Rebecca!
Alison says "you BS'd your way through that, you need more matador". Craig feels that the dance was beyond Cory, however Brendan loved it. They get a surprisingly good score of 27.

Now elimination is upon us, and I think we all know who is going home, but poor Nerida looks deeply terrified. Perhaps she is afraid her mother will recognise her dress as that stash of purses she has set aside for when glomesh makes a comeback. No, she's just scared of getting eliminated because when it's announced they are safe the relief on her face is immense.

Cory and Rebecca are told it's time for them to stop the dance and Cory confesses to being quite happy with that result as he is keen to see the girls in the final. Awww bless. They trot off for another stomp around the dancefloor whilst we resign ourselves to the fact that next week it will be Monty we will be farewelling, agreed?

I think it's safe to say that it's going to be Miriama and Temepara in the final, but who will be the ultimate winner of the glorious disco ball trophy? That one is just too close to call.