The second movie in the ongoing phenomenon that is Twilight, New Moon, has been unleashed on the world's cinemas - and all week the media's been beaming pictures of large queues at box offices and screaming teenage girls as they awaited the second movie adaptation of Stephenie Meyer's four-book series.

I am not one of them.

Being 30, I am probably twice the age of Twilight's target audience, who all seem to be swept away on tales of a mortal girl falling in love with a vampire in the drizzly surrounds of the US state of Washington.

This basic premise has proved insanely successful for author Stephenie Meyer, a Mormon mother of three whose books have sold over 70 million copies in 37 languages since the first was published in 2005. She's been dubbed the new J.K. Rowling, and last year was ranked at number 49 on Time Magazine's Most Influential People of 2009 list.

So far, I have proved resistant to Meyer's charms and the lure of goings on in the small town of Forks. My name is Anna Higgins, and I couldn't care less about Twilight.

Despite the recommendations of people whose opinions on books I really quite appreciate, I've never read any of the novels. I've never watched any of the movies, and I don't intend to. I avoid items about the cast in gossip mags. I don't have anything against the whole deal. I'm just not interested. Probably couldn't be less so. Of course, I could be the one that's missing out on a beautiful world of pouty stares and longing looks into the distance. But I'm willing to take that risk.

I have nothing against Robert Pattinson or Kristen Stewart (whom I quite like as an actress) or author Stephenie Meyer. But there are so many books that I actually WANT to read.

It's not the subject matter. I quite like a vampire per se. And it's not that it's young adult fiction, because I love the Harry Potter books, although was a bit slow to jump on that bandwagon as well.

Having not read them, I can't judge whether the Twilight books are good or bad. Taking a guess, I would lean on the side of bad, but I like I said, I haven't read them.

Friends that are Twilight fans have said the enjoyment factor of the books is excellent, but Meyer's writing, while entertaining, is not all that.

I have heard there's a lot of swooning and longing looks and teenage angst, which I'm really not into. I also heard the adjective ‘dazzling' is used liberally. It all seems a bit, well, lame.

On the whole I'm not a reader of romances or a watcher of romantic movies. That wily temptress can't suck me in with her twiddlings about forbidden love! I am immune.

I don't dislike it more than Fergie or raisins or movies starring Vin Diesel or ‘Baby on Board' signs, but I just don't like the whole business.

I really don't fancy Robert Pattinson, although I suppose if I really opened myself up to potential Twihard-ism I would have ‘fallen in love' (gag) with Edward long before the first film was cast.

The messy hair, sickly complexion, hooded eyes and gob always open in photos thing, doesn't do it for me. I don't think it's Twilight specific. He's just not my bag. Don't remember fancying him when he was Cedric Diggory either. Although I would be thinking twice if I started to fancy people playing schoolboys in a Harry Potter film. Also, I heard he smells.

I do remember thinking the young guy who played the werewolf looked like a bit of alright when I first saw the trailer, and then recoiling in cradle-snatching horror when realising Taylor Lautner was only 17. If I lived in a developing country or was a character in a soap opera he could feasibly be my son!

One of my favourite gossip bloggers, Elaine Lui (aka Lainey) recently debated on her blog the odds of respective Hollywood stars winning People magazine's annual Sexiest Man Alive title. (Read her blog here). The 2008 winner was Hugh Jackman, and although cold towards the idea Lainey had Robert Pattinson as her logical favourite to take the title this year. Earlier this week it went to Johnny Depp.

Pattinson fans reacted rather strongly, judging by some of the feedback she published. Note: These are certainly not all from 13-year-old girls.

"What the f-ck has Johnny f-ckin Depp done for me lately? WHAT? Rob was ROBBED!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jody

"Lainey, I just don't know what I'm going to tell my daughter when she comes home from school today. Lauren is in grade 10 and we both love RPattz. I have been online all morning trying to sort through this mess. How could this happen? How could People Mag make such a mistake? I am devastated and so will Lauren. We both expected to celebrate with Rob today and now it just feels like a death in the family.". From Ashley R

Charming, if more than a little unhinged!

The Twihards - obsessive fans of the Twilight phenomenon - are a curious breed. I would like to approach one of these Twi-hards and observe. Possibly experiment on them scientifically. They seem like entirely foreign beings to me.

The fans are furious, uncompromising, and some almost go beyond obsessive in their devotion to the whole business. The more hardcore ones do seem to be female - although if you're proud to be known as a Twihard of the male persuasion please, by all means, make yourself known.

I know fixating on something is par for the course for teenage girls - mine was an absolute obsession with Pearl Jam - but these guys go above and beyond. It's lunacy. Possibly on the brink of instability. And it's hilarious to read.

Some fans are convinced that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart share the special love their characters have on-screen and get hysterical when there's a whisper of anything to the contrary. Recent photos of the are-they-aren't-they couple holding hands on a Paris tarmac had fans having kittens!

And then there's the gear. The Twilight range of merchandise has gone above and beyond the run of the mill stuff you can buy for a new movie release.

You can buy Twilight knickers with Pattinson's face in the crotch. (Ewww.) His face is printed on pillow cases. Would you rather a Jacob Black promo poster fashioned into a light fitting? Or a toilet seat sporting the Cullen family coat of arms? Hand painted Twilight sneakers? A baby's onesie saying ‘I am the next Edward Cullen?' Some New Moon makeup, presumably to give one that deathly pallor?

See some of the stranger ones here.

There's a Twilight dildo, for God's sake! It can ‘retain hot and cold temperature' and the manufacturers recommend you ‘toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.'

Vampires would have cold nether regions? Gross.

But that's not all! ‘The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the moon's soft glow.'

Someone's also made a Twilight themed wedding invitation. If someone posted me one of those, I would send it back with a Post-It attached reading ‘we are no longer friends.'

If you fancy a laugh, check out this quite famous YouTube clip of a Twilight fan watching the trailer (yes, only the trailer) of New Moon for the first time. It is over nine minutes long, but you will get the gist after only a couple.

Why do I feel like I'm intruding on her dirty private time? All that heavy breathing and squealing. Indecent!

Entertainment blogger Lainey also receives barrage of hate mail every time she dares not worship at the Twilight altar or insinuates that the Robsten romance (between co-stars Robert and Kristen) may not be real as the Twihards believe that it is.

She posts the cream of the crop.

"Lainey,

I want to like you, I really do but I dont get your trash talk about Twilight! I mean Twilight has brought nothing but MONEY to your town. Why wouldnt you as a resident hope to run into Rob Pattinson? Unless you are a lesbian?" - Jillian K

"Hi Lainey,

I was getting really tired of you're Twilight bashing. But then it was explained to me why you see things the way you do...the Chinese do not have an appreciation for heartfelt emotion and connection the way Bella and Edward in the book. My friend says that the Chinese don't express affection and emotion this way like we do in America and I understand now that you've been shaped by it.

God bless,

Anna"

"You must be rotting inside and I feel very sorry for you. I feel very sorry for you that you are not educated enough to appreciate certain things in life. If you could appreciate brilliant literature and the beautiful world Stephenie Meyer has created that has touched us all with the eternal love story between Bella and Edward it would be different for you.

Sincerely,

Margaret"

Okay, first I will go and vomit. And then travel to the US to slap these women. Hard.

One even wrote in once saying she had a two-year-old daughter and every day she tries to ‘teach her to be like Bella.' Er, wtf? So she wants her to be brooding, and bad at sports? (I have had to ask a Twilight-loving co-worker what Bella does a lot in the series). What fine qualities to encourage in your child.

Let's be honest. The Twilight phenomenon is so immense that reviews of New Moon could stink like a dog's backside and this film is still going to shift tickets. In fact before its release 2,150 screenings of the movie in the US had sold out - a number certainly not to be sneezed at.

Early reviews haven't been fabulous, but they haven't been completely dire. It's currently sitting at 54% on Rotten Tomatoes. That's a D-grade. A pass, but only just.

First up was reviewer Chris Tookey in Britain's Daily Mail: "This is a mere six minutes longer than the first Twilight movie, but it feels like six hours. I gave the original four stars, but the sequel is tedious, long-winded and not so much undead as almost entirely devoid of life.

"Even die-hard fans of the franchise may gasp at the excruciatingly long dialogue scenes, directed at the pace of an expiring snail by Chris Weitz, who does an even more dreary, franchise-threatening job here than he did on The Golden Compass."

(I do agree that The Golden Compass was rubbish).

Next up, the Sydney Morning Herald's Sandra Hall, who gave the film one and a half stars. "There is one thing to be said about the way Weitz handles time travel. He can make two hours and 10 minutes seem like a thousand years."

New York's Time Out mag called New Moon "acceptable escapism for those old enough to see it yet still young enough to shriek at undead dreamboats."

If people still enjoy it, does it make New Moon a good movie? No. Does it make it a good movie for the people it serves? Of course.

People that don't like it don't have to see it, right? And I won't, which means all the cinemas showing other movies will be blissfully empty. That means I can go see An Education, Away We Go or Julie and Julia in peace. Soundproof cinemas will block out all the swooning. For that, I should be grateful.

The Twihards obsessive behaviour also extends to defending author Meyer. Stephen King unleashed the rage of rampant Twilight fans not long ago when he pronounced their hero's literary prowess as less than stellar.

"JK Rowling is a terrific writer, and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn," he said in an interview earlier this year. "She's not very good."

Of course, this prompted a flurry of protests, many along the lines that King was ‘just jealous of Edward's good looks.'

Snort.

The series which has prompted obsession and undying devotion from many a teenage girl must have a few alluring qualities, but I just can't see them. I'm happy trundling along as a Twilight ignoramus. And with the huge box office turnover New Moon is supposed to earn, it's not like they will miss my money.

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