There's rather a Kiwi flavour to the mags this week. What's involved in a Kiwi flavour? I imagine it as a combination of Reduced Cream dip, tomato sauce, a dash of sunscreen and the whiff of an old jandal. At any rate, local goss is a welcome taste of homegrown that's often few and far between in the gossip trade.

No Angie and Brad to be seen on a cover. No Jennifer Aniston. And Tom and Katie are pushed to a sidebar of just one mag! Weyhey!

New Idea leads this week with an interview with Robyn Malcolm, one of New Zealand's most beloved actresses and an honorary Westie after five seasons of portraying family matriarch Cheryl West on the hit show Outrageous Fortune.

Jaws hit the floor all over the country a few weeks ago when Robyn's character Cheryl gave evil cop Zane Gerard a broken Lindauer bottle to the jugular - and he managed to fire off a couple of rounds before collapsing at the bottom of the West's front steps. Scandal in Te Atatu!

Malcolm looks bloody gorgeous in the mag, although I did notice they didn't mention her age. A minor quibble! She's sporting great makeup, and for a woman in her forties she's fresh skinned and has hardly a line on her face.

Her interview reveals the actress is in a happy place with her body after suffering from a decade of eating disorders and food issues in her early 20s. She's now a size smaller than she was before giving birth to sons Charlie and Pete, and credits Pilates with her honed figure.

"Pilates has changed my posture and my shape. I've got more of a waist than I used to and it's definitely pulled my tummy muscles back together."

Robyn on giving birth to Charlie (5) and Pete (3): "I loved both my labours. Your body turns inside out when you give birth, and if there are any vestiges of old adolescent shame in terms of who you are physically, that's left lying in the dirt gasping for breath. It changed everything."

Malcolm loves that her character Cheryl is a real woman, evidenced by the phone call a TV3 programme director made to Robyn after honchos at the network feared she was getting ‘too toned' for the show. "She said ‘Don't make me come over there and eat cream with you.' Where else does a network executive say that? If my jeans produce a muffin (top), our head of wardrobe says ‘Awesome.'"

On her changing body image: "I feel so much better about my body now than I did 15 years ago but my body is so much older and lived in now. By 83 I think I'll be a supermodel and I hope to still be in a bikini."

Each mag has a snippet on Jude Law's babymama, Samantha Burke, and the interview she did with British Hello! magazine. It's a Kiwi baby remember! We can all bask in its glory.

Yes, Burke got paid a truckload of cash for the interview (around $420,000) but ‘because she wanted to donate to charity.' I'll await a glimpse of the receipt.

Well, her granddad says she's giving it to charity. Then further down in the Day's piece he says he's encouraging her to "bring some of the money and buy a little place to retire in and live in the safety of New Zealand."

New Idea runs the Hello! magazine article with accompanying pics of Burke and baby Sophia Lee if you're interested. But it won't give you a lot of insight, although the baby looks lovely.

The Weekly says most of the interview is ‘devoted to talking about Jude.' I guess they wouldn't want to pony up with that much money if there was no mention of the movie star daddy.

For the record, the baby's not received presents from him, he hasn't met her, and ‘there are no plans for it to happen at the moment.'

"I hope for him to be just as good as he is to his three children by Sadie Frost," says Burke hopefully, if with more than a touch of naivety. He was actually in a relationship with their mother.

The Weekly leads this week with the trumpeted-from-on-high headline ‘Exclusive! Keisha's Dream Wedding' - complete with the young movie star, fiancé Bradley and daughter Felicity posing on the cover. You'd be forgiven for thinking the couple has tied the knot. They haven't. Crafty magazine tricksters!

In fact the pair has no wedding date in sight - and I bet they're getting tired of being asked when they're going to tie the knot.

The 19-year-old dishes frankly and honestly about teenage motherhood and her career ambition to the mag.

"I was an extremely selfish teenager when I had Felicity and motherhood isn't easy, cruisy or simple...I'm not afraid to admit it - I'm just not the type who wants to stay home with children."

The interview's accompanied by some beautiful family pics.

All the Kiwi goss almost makes up for the Woman's Day leading this week with my least favourite princess-in-waiting, Kate Middleton (boo!), although she does have to share the cover with Chelsy ‘hold the ice' Davy (yay!)

Although word is the royal girlfriends aren't playing nice.

"Pals believe that Kate, 27, considers herself "Queen of the Royal WAGS" (wives and girlfriends) and wants to distance herself from fun-loving Chelsy, whose return to the young royal clan threatens Kate's future."

Camilla's the Queen of the Royal WAGs madam! Hung in there for thirty odd years, loves a hunt and more than one gin of an evening. What's Kate Middleton done - avoided having a job?

Little upstart! And how dare she besmirch my Chelsy. Give me the good time party girl every day of the week.

Ms Middleton newly inflated sense of self-worth has prompted one of Prince Harry's pals to quip: "She's even too royal to go to work."

Apparently Kate's ‘become a style icon in recent years,' in comparison to Chelsy's accessible high street style. I say apparently because she's not a style icon to anyone I know! None of my girlfriends had ever uttered the words ‘I wish I had a wardrobe like Kate Middleton's.'

"Chelsy- unfazed by the latest trends and sported fringed boots a year after they were in fashion - happily steps out in chainstore frocks."

My God! An unforgivable crime. Anyone would think the girl was a student in her early 20s or something. Off with her head!

Chelsy has her hands full studying law and ‘refuses to let her status as a royal girlfriend stop her from building a successful career.' Kate reportedly spends her time tossing up between ‘snow and sea' for her post-Christmas holiday with William. You know, one really needs a rest after a whole year of one not working, doesn't one?

Andre Agassi's autobiography confessions make it into the New Idea. The tennis legend made headlines last week with the revelation that he used crystal meth during his tennis career and lied to drug testers to avoid the consequences. Andre, Andre, Andre. If crack is whack, P is twee.

The book also reveals Agassi was balding during his hairy heyday, and used to wear a hairpiece. Fun fact: at the 1990 French Open it had to be kept in place with bobby pins. (Snigger). Another fun fact: The dream body Agassi's then-fiancee Brooke Shields worked towards while losing weight for their wedding was Steffi Graf's - Agassi's current wife. Uncanny!

And when Agassi got high on meth for the first time he had so much energy he cleaned his home meticulously from top to bottom.

Perhaps that's what I need to get motivated for the often put-off spring clean? I kid, I kid.

See the results of Amy Winehouse's $80k (are they made of gold, not saline?) boob job in the Day and the New Idea. They are rather on the large side, but look quite good on the old Wino. They're certainly not of the Tori Spelling or Victoria Beckham variety.

[IMG4 R]  I love Michelle Obama! She's snapped in the Day rocking the hula hoop for a health initiative on the White House front lawn. You'd never have caught Laura Bush doing that.

But according to the mag I may be the only person who's a fan of the American First Lady. Word is she's rather an ice maiden around the White House, issuing a string of diva demands like staff must never look her in the eye and must always refer to her as ‘Ma'am.'

The mag makes mention of Mrs Obama's controlling nature. "It was, after all, Michelle who pressured Barack, now 48, into marrying her in 1992."

Eye roll! Like no woman in the history of the world has ever put the hard word on her fella to propose before. If that makes Michelle Obama some kind of a power-crazed maniac, there'll be a rather large club of like minded individuals she'll be able to join.

A US magazine reports, and the Day re-reports that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' three-year marriage contract is up for renegotiation on their wedding anniversary, November 18.

The deal apparently "specified everything from a clothing allowance to cash bonuses for supporting Tom's beloved Scientology religion."

After three years of being a compliant robot wife, Katie seems to be doing the ‘show me the money' dance and upping her stakes in the business arrangement. She's after money for another baby. Money for attempting to have another baby and not being successful. Triple her clothing allowance, and double the $300k a year she gets for ‘supporting' Scientology, as well as promises for juicy career roles.

Go Katie!

Porn king Steve Crow had a girlfriend. I know! A young, pretty one. A human to boot! And she's in the Woman's Day.

Why? It's complicated. She suspected him of playing away, or wanting to, so set up a honeytrap where she pretended to be another woman via text to tempt him into being unfaithful. It worked, I think. The story's rather confusing. Especially since she still lives at his.

She reportedly got back at him by posing topless on the internet. Hmm. That'll show him.

He wants her back, saying "she doesn't see the fat, bald pornographer." No escaping the truth I guess. And I bet nobody's surprised that her dad's not keen on him.

Crow rather objects to being set up though, telling his lady that ‘if you throw the right bait at any fish, you'll catch it' and that he ‘can't be bothered with long-term sulks.'

NW leads this week with Hollywood stars bucking the thing as a pin trend and embracing their curves. Well, curvy for Hollywood at any rate.

Its poster girl is Nicole Richie, who gave birth to son Sparrow barely two months ago. Her relaxed approach to postnatal weight loss has everyone swooning - and you must admit, she looks absolutely fabulous in the pics. A bit of weight suits her, although she's still slim and not really curvy by my reckoning.

Gossip Girl star Hillary Duff, Ugly Betty star America Ferrera, and celebrity offspring Peaches Geldof, who also isn't adverse to flashing some boobage, also feature.

Says America: "It's hilarious when people call Jessica Alba or Eva Longoria curvy. Come on! They're not curvy - I'm curvy!"

And last, but not least, Noah Cyrus' racy Halloween costume saw Disney magazine refusing to print pictures of the nine-year-old sister of Miley Cyrus, saying she looked like an ‘adult dominatrix.'

And that's all from the mags this week!

 

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