Rachel's back on the hunt

Brace yourselves for the onslaught: next week's gossip mags are going to be full of Our Rach, jilted by her ice hockey star fiancé Jarret Stoll.

The wedding was scheduled for August 14 and it was only a few weeks ago Rachel was gushing to the tabloids about the plans.  But then it all came crashing down: UK tabloid The Sun is reporting that Stoll, who is 13 years Rachel's junior, simply walked out. The first she knew of it was when he started emailing their wedding guests and telling them not to come.

Not cool, Jarret! Cold feet or not, you don't just disappear and cancel a wedding behind your lady love's back. Especially when there are kids involved - Rachel's children Renee and Liam are said to be devastated at his departure.

So what went wrong? Was it the age difference? I doubt it. Rachel's only 39, for crying out loud, and still pretty damn hot. My guess is there's another woman involved, but we'll have to wait and see. In the meantime, we now have a newly single cougar on our hands! Time to play the celebrity matchmaking game.

How about Leo DiCaprio? He's 34 and currently broken up (again) with Bar Rafaeli. Or George Clooney - it's time he stopped dating waitresses and hooked up with someone who's not just a gold-digger. Of course, back in New Zealand Simon Dallow is newly separated. And if she can handle the constant Tweeting, she could always try John Mayer? The guy's practically a rite of passage for Hollywood's jilted women.


Black Eyed Perez

It's not easy being a gossip blogger - when you mix in the same circles as the people you write about, at least. Flamboyant queen of the scene Perez Hilton is no stranger to controversy and he's weathered plenty of storms over the years - screaming matches and lawsuits are all in a day's work for him. But now the blogger has himself become the subject of gossip.

At an after-party at this week's MuchMusic Video Awards in Toronto, things got a little heated. Apparently it all started when Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie approached Perez and accused him of writing nasty things about her. Later on, outside the club, singer will.i.am and the group's manager Polo Molina got into an argument with Perez, and Molina ended up hitting him in the face.

The police got involved, telling the Peas they were not allowed to leave Canada until Molina handed himself in, which he did the next day. He'll appear in court on August 5.

This would have been a clear-cut assault story - but we're talking about Perez here, people! His first reaction after the incident was to take to his Twitter account, saying he'd been assaulted and calling on his followers to contact the police (um, Perez? That thing in your hand you're using to Tweet? That's a phone. You can call them yourself, you know.)

Next he posted a "full statement" video on his blog. It's a meandering, expletive-filled rant lasting eleven minutes and forty-two seconds (watch it here if you dare). And he actually accuses will.i.am of the assault, rather than Molina.

Perez admits that during the argument he called will.i.am "a gay f****t", justifying it by saying, "I knew that it would be the worst thing I could possibly say to him."

Then came the backlash! First, will.i.am posted a video blog of his own, saying Perez was lying about the incident and just trying to get attention. Everyone from Joe Bloggs in Alberquerque to the ubiquitous John Mayer had their say via Twitter. And lobby group GLAAD slammed him letting down his own side by using the words "gay" and "f****t" as a slur.

Perez has since apologised for using those words (in a backhanded way; he regrets it, but he's still trying to justify himself), but the aftershocks from the incident are still rippling through the web. And this morning it was announced a court case won't be enough for Perez - he's filing a lawsuit against Molina, for a black eye, violation of his civil rights and "emotional distress". He wants compensation for medical expenses and unspecified general and punitive damages.

Expect further rounds of "he said, she said" to dominate the US tabloids for days to come. Or until a fresh batch of Jen and Brad rumours start circulating (sigh).


Have Mercy, Madonna!

Once again it seems there is one rule for celebrities and another for the rest of us. After a court ruling earlier this year that Madonna would not be allowed to adopt 4-year-old Mercy James from Malawi, as she had not lived in the country for 18 months, the superstar has successfully appealed and last week took possession of her new toy. Sorry, I mean child.

Maybe I'm wrong and Madonna really does intend to love and cherish her new child. But she already has three kids, who seem to spend most of their time with a team of nannies. Does Madonna have time to be a mum of four?

We seem to be getting daily updates on Madonna's plans for Mercy. Mother and child headed straight to a Kabbalah centre as soon as they were 'reunited', so Mercy could be indoctrinated into the faith. Next we heard Madonna was planning to "cocoon" Mercy (translation: spend as much time with her as possible while her other children were taken elsewhere so as not to distract them). In July the singer will head off on her world "Sticky and Sweet" tour, during which time Mercy will be taken care of by the help. And in September, after the tour is over, Her Madgesty is planning a holiday jaunt for Mercy.

Where to? Why, Israel of course! A top holiday destination for any four-year-old child. Apparently Madonna feels Mercy should experience the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, because it's "a very sacred place for anyone with links to the Jewish faith".

In case anyone still thought that Madonna hadn't completely lost touch with the real world, there you go. Her master plan for giving a newly-adopted African four-year-old a better life involves uprooting her from her home, bouncing her from country to country with different people looking after her all the time, and then taking her into what is still essentially a war zone and trying to explain complex spiritual concepts to her.

Is Mercy going to be materially better off than she was in Malawi? Yes - no doubt we'll shortly be seeing her in designer childrenswear, glowing with health and lunching on macrobiotic organic salads. But is she going to be living a happy, stable childhood now that Madonna is her mother? Doubt it.

Now before I'm accused of being a hater, let me say: I'm aware of Madonna's humanitarian efforts in Malawi. She gives generously and is improving the lives of many children who would otherwise struggle. That's fantastic. But maybe she could stop trying to take her work home with her?


Spotted:

Drew Barrymore exiting a Marlins game with a shark hat on... Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes attending Cameron Diaz's Walk of Fame ceremony... Sienna Miller holidaying on a yacht with ex-lover Balthazar Getty... Britney Spears shopping at Target and leaving with a new dress on... Darryl Hannah being arrested for protesting at a coal plant in West Virginia... Gordon Ramsay in London, getting a ticket for talking on his cellphone while driving... Heather Locklear and ex-hubby Richie Sambora acting friendly at their daughter's dance recital... Courtney Love looking shockingly skinny in New York...