Two years, people. It's been three and a half since a young Katherine Holmes was snapped out and about with a movie star 16 years her senior in Rome. Within six weeks, they were engaged. Within three months, she was knocked up.

And then the wedding. 150 guests celebrated for a week in the small town of Bracciano, just outside of Rome. The family Cruise wore Armani. The Scientologists were in strong supply. So much so that the head of the religion, Tom's pal David Miscavige, was rumoured to have gone along on the couple's honeymoon.

Katie Holmes, like Nicole Kidman before her, was a young, relatively innocent, but ambitious starlet from a Catholic background. Both romances progressed at lightning speed, resulting in marriage. Both are now infinitely more famous. Nicole got dumped mere days before she and Tom's tenth wedding anniversary, which would have meant she got a bigger claim on Tom's money.

Still think he's an incurable romantic? And does Katie have only eight years left? I guess we'll find out in 2016.

But amongst the slouching down to make her husband look taller, the weird way he presents her to the paps, the wearing of old lady clothes and the deadening look behind the eyes, Katie has done well out of her marriage. She's an extremely wealthy, extremely high profile actress with a blossoming career on Broadway. She may have turned a role down in The Dark Knight to make that assy Mad Money, but Katie has always been a good actress.

And of course she has Suri, the sassiest toddler in Hollywood.

What Katie could not possibly miss about her old life is Chris Klein, her fiancé before she got swept away in the Cruise world of large teeth and gushing adjectives. Chris Klein used to be an actor. Do you remember him in American Pie? Granted, it was ten years ago, but he was fit.

After he and Katie broke up, Chris Klein didn't win himself many friends. He dated, or dates, Holmes-lookalike Ginnifer Goodwin. No one knows for sure whether they're together or apart, because nobody gossips about Chris Klein. There was that rumour that he was the father of Suri, and a drink driving conviction a couple of years ago, and that's about it.

He also offended most of womankind with a rather sexist interview in Elle magazine.

On his signature move with the opposite sex: "I don't need food to impress, man. It's a flash of a smile and a nice conversation. At the end of the day, she's cooking the food."

When asked about a woman gaining weight, he replied, "I'm not tolerant of that at all. When a woman isn't feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she'll ask you if you like her body. You have to say no."

It reminds me of a bunch of guys I knew at uni, who used to have parties where no girls who weighed over 60 kilos were allowed in.

So it gives me great satisfaction to present to you the latest photo of Chris Klein, snapped on November 16. Three days ago. Although it may not satisfy your eyes so much. The man who had such stringent physical standards for each and every one of his companions has a comb over.

A comb over!

He looks like the guy that sits outside a girls' school in a baggy mac with a bottle of baby oil in his pocket, ready to show his wiener. That is all.

(Laineygossip.com first alerted me to this hideous hair crime. Thanks Lainey!)

The mad, bad world of Britney Spears

The weave is good. The body's tight, and getting tighter. ‘Womanizer' got a great reception, and the album's due to drop in less than two weeks. Yes, the cover art might be Photoshopped up the wazoo, but at least Britney's not holding kids hostage and attacking cars with umbrellas, right?

But is Britney Spears really back to being the pop princess powerhouse of a few years ago?

Her camp would like you to think that she is. Case in point: Britney's success at the MTV VMAs and her guest appearance at one of Madonna's concerts in Los Angeles.

By the way, did anyone else notice how Britney's great mate Madonna ran for the hills when the going started getting tough for Ms Spears, only accepting her back into the fold publicly after she started getting better? Just saying.

An upcoming MTV documentary, Britney: For The Record may cast some light on Britney's state of mind. Made with the full co-operation of the star and her manager Larry Rudolph, Britney - once so carefully choreographed and managed - speaks quite openly about her breakdown and family life.

And guess what? She may be back in the spotlight, but Britney's not exactly jumping up and down about it.

Ungrateful, or uninspired?

She tells the camera that her life, micro-managed by conservator dad Jamie, lacks excitement and passion, and implies that being back on the pop star conveyor belt is worse than a prison sentence.

"I have really good days, and then I have bad days,' she says in the doco. "Even when you go to jail, you know there's a time when you're gonna get out."

"But in this situation, it's never ending. It's just like Groundhog Day."

Rumour has it that Britney isn't that keen to get back into showbusiness. The 26-year-old is said to be desperate for a life away from the spotlight and immersed in motherhood back home in Louisiana, with sons Sean, 3, and Jayden, 2.

But for whatever reason - maybe she needs more money, maybe showbiz is the only thing she knows - the Britney train keeps on rolling. Let's just hope it comes to a comfortable stop at some stage.

Spotted

Jessica Simpson heading to a recording studio in Beverly Hills...Enrique Iglesias, wearing a jaunty blue scarf, out and about in Manhattan...Charlize Theron and John Galliano out together in New York City...Britney Spears dining at Sur restaurant in Beverly Hills with a mystery male companion...Miley Cyrus and John Travolta palling it up at the premiere of the new animated movie Bolt...Kid Rock leaving his New York hotel kitted out in a fur coat, socks and slippers...Minnie Driver out in LA with baby son Henry...