Jennifer Lopez is many things. Actress. Singer of questionable merit. Mother. Fashion designer. Wife of Marc ‘Skeletor' Anthony. And with all those strings to her bow, it's amazing to think the woman still knows how to keep it real.

J-Lo is competing in a Malibu triathlon in September, and went on Good Morning America a few days ago to trumpet on about her training, how she wants to inspire her young kids, blahblah, you get the drift.

But dlisted reports that the diva was a bit confused as to why her athletic endeavours weren't the hot topic of conversation on set that day. A source from GMA blabbed that Lopez didn't quite get why everyone was talking about "that swimmer" and not her triathlon.

"She couldn't come up with Michael Phelps' name, and then she yammered on about how she was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth and how that was the big story right now, not ‘the swimmer.'"

Good to know she can keep things in perspective. Michael Phelps just earned himself more golden hardware than Jenny from the Block used to wear during the days of dating Diddy, but she's the real superstar. I mean, eight gold medals pale in comparison when you think of the blood, sweat and tears that went into such masterpieces as Maid In Manhattan and The Wedding Planner.

There were some tears. Mine, after I watched that crap. Tears for precious time lost!

I'm sure Jennifer could have cruised through those eight races to victory, she just chose not to. I'm converted. Down with Michael Phelps! Down with the gloriously named Usain Bolt.! Let us bow down and praise the glory of J-Lo as she coughs and splutters her way around Malibu in a couple of weeks. I hope she chafes.

Thank you, and don't come again

If you ever felt bad for leaving wet towels chucked on the floor or toothpaste all over the sink when you stayed at a fancy hotel, then apply the brakes and get off that guilt trip!

Website concierge.com has named the world's worst hotel guests, and while there's some of the usual suspects named (Russell Crowe and his phone throwing arm, Naomi Campbell and her temper), there are some wildcards in the mix.

Amy Winehouse (quelle surprise) likes to leave a trail of fag ends, spilt liquor and dirty knickers from London to the Caribbean. Britney Spears is a renowned slob, reportedly barred from one upmarket establishment in Los Angeles.

Mariah Carey, queen of the divas, demands mineral water for her bath, and her dog's bath, as par for the course. Mimi also need all suite toilet seats replaced with brand new ones on which to park her famous ass, and two DVD players must show her music videos on continuous loop at all times.

But it turns out Nicole Kidman may not be the down to earth Aussie sheila we all suspected. Never mind camping down by the billabong. Staff at the Four Seasons Chicago have told of one occasion Nicole's staff sent over a set of pink 800 thread count Italian sheets for the actresses bed. Not so bad, you think? Along with several pages of instructions and diagrams on how to make the bed to the Ginger One's liking. She was supposed to stay 12 hours. She never turned up.

Nic's demands have also been felt across the Atlantic, where staff at London's Dorchester hotel were instructed to change all 60w bulbs in the actress' suite to 40w. Someone doesn't like what they see in the harsh light of....light.

Livin' la vida newborn

Ricky Martin must be cursing Clay Aiken. The Puerto Rican singer, fond of doing push ups on the beach in tiny Speedos and shaking his bon bons, has become a father of twin boys via surrogate mother - two weeks after Aiken became a father after impregnating a 50-year-old friend of his by artificial insemination. Talk about your thunder getting stolen.

Martin's sexuality has always been under scrutiny. In fact, I think it's the world's worst kept secret. Can I just say I don't think this is making him (or Clay, in fact) seem any straighter?

Ricky's twins were born several weeks ago, and the star, according to his statement, will be "stepping out of the spotlight to devote himself to his two sons." Funny, I thought he stepped out of the spotlight years ago, because no one liked him anymore.

Anyway, the swivel-hipped 36-year-old is a long-time campaigner for children's rights, and a UNICEF ambassador, and no doubt will be a doting daddy. I bet those boys have their first pairs of leather trousers already!

 

Everybody loves Scarlett

Ooooooooooooh! Does someone have a crush? Kanye West took to his blog this week to muse on the subject of ‘My Favourite White Girl!!!' one Miss Scarlett Johansson. To say he wrote the blog would be a rather too liberal interpretation of the truth, which is he posted six pages (yes, six) of photos of the comely 23-year-old actress.

Both support Barack Obama, love fashion, and have stupendous breasts. Oh wait, that's just Scarlett. Actually that's not fair, I haven't seen Kanye with his shirt off.