Trouble in non-monogamous paradise? Perez Hilton is reporting that the boobalicious experience of silicone, hair bleach and high pitched giggling that is The Girls Of The Playboy Mansion may be losing a member.

So who's set to go? Sources say none other than K-Dub herself, 23-year-old Kendra Wilkinson, who's gained consistently in popularity since the show started airing on E!.

Word is Holly and Bridget are fed up to the back teeth with Kendra, and she certainly doesn't seem to be hanging on to their coat tails either. Latest word on her Myspace page has the football-loving hottie declaring that "What you see on tv is not always the truth by the way even if it's a reallity show" (I've left her typos in - it seems Kendra's liberal approach to clothes also applies to her use of correct grammar).

She goes on to say that "something like this doesn't last forever" and that she "wants to get married by 24." Which pretty much counts Kendra out of the Playboy picture - cause if anyone's marrying the leathery old hyena after this long it's Holly Madison, who's dedicated her dignity and the prime-time of her twenties to running around after a man approaching his mid-eighties. Imagine if he married Kendra instead! Holly would spit fire.

I've always had my suspicions that Kendra and Bridget weren't really Hef's girlfriends. Holly is the only one that puts in the effort, and the only one he actually goes to bed with on the show. The others just seem to live their own lives. And when he greets the three of them it's always a kiss with the cold old man lips for Holly and the others are sort of a second thought. A sham! A sham on reality TV! Who would have thunk it?

The one who really gets the best of it in this smutty equation is Keith Hefner, Hef's brother. He's always sniffing around those blondes. I bet he does none of the work, and gets all of the sexy times. And am I alone in suspecting that Hef has bumped uglies with his secretary, Mary?

Perez's source adds "Kendra was never really Hef's girlfriend. She was cast for the show because Bridget and Holly are old, and they needed a young hot girl for Hef. She was selected from a bunch of Playmate wannabes."

Nooooooo! Girls of the Playboy Mansion won't be the same without Raskal, Martini, and Kendra's blinging grill! Who'll love football? Who'll publicly thank their boob job for getting them ahead in life? Who'll do a nasty booty shuffle? And who will flash their hooters as a first reaction to everything?

A Playboy mansion without Kendra is not one I want to watch, Mr Hefner. Thank you and good day!

Keeping up with the Kardashians - in jail

In other reality show news, the littlest Kardashian sister, Khloe (in age, I might add, not in stature) is heading for the big house, and I don't mean her parents pad in Calabasas. Khloe's been busted for violating her probation on a March 2007 DUI, and has been sentenced to three days in prison, supposedly starting this Friday. Wait, so that DUI bust wasn't staged for the show?

"She admitted to failing to complete roadside cleanup duty and enrol in an alcohol education class" said a spokesman for the LA City Attorney.

Damn, Khloe. All those camera lights must have addled your brain, cause any dumb skank knows picking up some trash is preferable to spending hard time in the chokey. People in LA hardly eat anyway, so there can't be that much rubbish on the side of the road.

What's the bet Bruce Jenner doesn't find out about this until, like, next year? Always the last to know, Brucie.

For the good of us all!

I feel it's my duty as a good citizen to pose the health and safety question: Would you let this woman hold your child?"

Or maybe a series of public service posters: "Friends don't let friends let Naomi hold their kid."

Naomi is busy being misunderstood on a charity trip with male mega-model Tyson Beckford to Nigeria. Of course, these ladies hear nothing of air rage and flung Blackberries and seem to be rather nonplussed by the lanky stick insect in their midst. They could probably take her if it came down to it.

The baby, on the other hand, looks like he's recoiling from Satan's right hand herself. Baby knows where it's at. He's not taking his chances of being flung at someone's head after they don't serve Naomi the right brand of diet mealie meal.

Le blabbermouth

As if Angie Jo's obstetrician, the verbose Michel Sussman, wasn't giving us enough repeated information about blessed little newborns Knox and Vivienne, out comes the mayor of Nice himself to bask in the reflected glory.

Christian Estrosi, who visited the new parents - threw a press conference to display the babies' birth certificates on the steps of the hospital where they were born. Apparently their birth is "a pride to Nice and all its citizens," and that Brad told the Mayor Nice has "the most beautiful bay in the world."

He's the Mayor? The Mayor of Kissassville! I thought the French were supposed to be dignified.

Dude, he's an actor. I bet he says that to all the bays in all the cities where all the kids are born.

Who's going to be next to share inane news about these babies? The janitor? "I mopped up their dust, and it was the proudest moment of my life."

I had a holiday in Nice once. The weather's good, the beach is nothing to shout home about, and a guy followed me all the way down the main promenade asking if I wanted to have ‘le sex.' Which I didn't. Shame on you for wondering!

And in happy news this week (for me!), The Smut will be taking a sabbatical until the week of Monday, July 28, as I am jetting off to Queenstown to take in the snow, scenery, and sambuca (and not necessarily in that order.) The lovely Amy Williams will be reporting to you on next week's gossip mags. Til then, dear smuthounds!