How are you guys feeling today? I certainly haven't felt the joy that the blessed twins were supposed to bring since their birth on Sunday morning. No heavenly light shining upon me, no choirs of angels singing sweet tunes - although I heard the Israelis and Palestinians are close to a peace agreement - could this be the doing of the new Jolie-Pitt twins?

In fact I've been rather nauseous thanks to a particularly nasty puking bug which chose to hit late Saturday night, but I guess I can't blame that on newborn Jolie-Pitts, Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline.

I know Brad and Ange have always tended towards the slightly offbeat when it comes to baby names, but while Vivienne Marcheline sounds like a dainty Parisian mademoiselle, Knox Leon sounds like a burly guy with a red tinge to his neck. Just sayin'. Personally, Maddox is my favourite name out of that bunch.

But I'm very interested to see how a Jolie-Pitt boy will turn out. We were talking in the office this morning about the mix of male genes. And, when you think about it, Angelina Jolie is undeniably gorgeous, but the same genes on her brother, James, make him look like he's constantly in a start of ominous surprise. And while Brad Pitt is lauded around the world as a dreamboat, his brother Doug is just a regular guy. We'll see, I guess. And they'll be getting $14m for the privilege!

How inconsiderate of those babies to be born over a weekend, meaning the mags have to wait a whole week to gush over the arrival. I bet its all noses to the grindstone at their offices today. Suckers!

As they awaited the birth of their twin bundles of gorgeousness, Brad and Angie must have been in a particularly generous mood, according to the Woman's Day. Their cover this week runs with a beaming photo of Jennifer Aniston and the headline ‘Jen's life-changing gift from Brad and Ange.' Either this is the week's most ridiculous story or Jennifer Aniston needs to grow a spine - and get a life.

Word is Brad Pitt has given the ‘thumbs up' to Jennifer Aniston's romance with guitar-strumming schmo John Mayer, and so finally his ex-wife of four years "feels free to take her relationship with John to the next level."

Can we back the truck up a minute?

For one, why does she give two hoots what her ex-husband thinks, if, in fact he does really care? I mean, he hardly asked for her permission when he was making sexy times with Angelina Jolie from Kenya to California. Surely he's busy with six babies, a French castle and saving the world to attend to. If this is a gift from the pair of them, it's a proper dud. And secondly, why would Jen be waiting with bated breath for approval of her new boyfriend from Angie ‘your man is my man' Jolie?

Whether or not she ran off with Brad is a moot point, but she certainly ran off with Billy Bob Thornton while he was engaged to Laura Dern.

Are you interested in Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban's baby? Bet she's proper miffed that the J-P twins have come along and completely stolen Sunday's thunder. The name's growing on me. It sounds like a country song, most fitting for the daughter of country crooning He Of The Thin Lips. There's a whiff of controversy about the birth of little Kidman Urban, and unsurprisingly, it comes back to Tom Cruise.

While Nicole and Tom's kids Isabella and Connor were both at Suri's birth in 2006, Tom requested that they stay with him in Telluride instead being with their mother at the birth of their new sister. How nice, and totally un-control freak of him.

On the subject of Cruise progeny, is Katie Holmes pregnant again? Despite the pictures running in the Day of the Cruises at their local 4th of July parade in Colorado, it doesn't look that way, and Katie is super slender. Suri's got a little superstar pout going, and Tom wears that cowboy hat mighty jauntily.

Girlfriend sure looks beat though, and this is the Cruises on holiday! I'd hate to see her when she was run ragged. Maybe she needs to bunk down with Suri for some nap time. What's the bet Tommy Girl is one of those people who never lets you relax on holiday? He'd be one of those annoying douches that tries to get you to play sports or run around in circles when all you want to do is sip a mimosa and paint your nails.

While the New Idea's steered clear, the Woman's Day and the Weekly have chosen to dip their toes into the pool that is the Tony Veitch scandal. Highly unlikely that any of them hadn't heard the rumours that had been floating round the media for a while (I caught wind of it before Christmas), but there's nothing particularly scandalous in either. Defamation lawyers loom large over us media like the executioner over the neck of Anne Boleyn.

Woman's Day: low down on the smut from last week plus some info about the woman at the centre of the controversy, and some comment on the relationship they once shared.

"These were really severe injuries," says the Day's ‘source. "A lot of muscle in her back just wasted away, and it took a huge toll on her emotionally."

Weekly: nothing you wouldn't have already heard bar some past quotes from Veitch (I refuse to call him Veitchy, what am I, a frat boy?) praising up his former partner.

Who spilt the beans is what I'm interested in, but we'll be unlikely to find that out.

Air New Zealand hit the gossip pages last week as one of their planes taking off from LA, with none other than Victoria Beckham on board, sucked a bird into the engine and had to cancel takeoff. Word is all passengers disembarked the aircraft barring our Posh, who didn't dare let commoners see her stripped of her makeup and in airline issued pyjamas.

"We had no idea what was happening - and you immediately feared the worst," says a fellow passenger. I'd fear the worst too if I had to see Posh without makeup.

After weeks of rumours, Sienna Miller has been snapped on an Italian yacht, topless and frolicking with her new lover, 90s star Balthazar Getty, who's married with four kids. Nice.

While he was meeting Sienna for booty calls on the set of G.I. Joe in the Czech Republic, NW reports, he told his wife he was visiting his sick mother in Germany.

But does Miss Miller have an ulterior motive? Balthazar is an heir to the legendary Getty oil fortune, and sounds like Sienna may want to get her hands on the spoils from his Texas tea.

"He's rich, rich, rich - and all she wants to do is marry a wealthy guy."

Do you believe this stuff about Madonna and Alex Rodriguez, running in the New Idea and the Weekly this week? I don't really think that I do. Madonna's an A-grade hardass, and I don't think she'd be fawning all over a man who blathered on about 'soulmates'.

A-Rod has been long known as a sleazeball around the US and Canada, as numerous strippers can attest to. The end of his marriage is certainly not Madonna's fault, although word is his wife Cynthia signed a watertight pre-nup and is going to use this issue to try and squeeze some more cash out of him.

And that's all from the mags this week!