The Chosen Ones are coming
Hold your breath, people, and listen. Do you hear a choir of angels singing? No? Then The Chosen Ones have not been born yet. Keep an ear out for a chorus or two of ‘alleluiah!' which will undoubtedly be bursting forth with the Jolie-Pitt twins enter the world.

It's reportedly coming very soon after mama-to-be Angelina Jolie was admitted to hospital in the south of France to prepare for her babies' birth.

"Yes, Jolie is here, and she is absolutely fine," a rep for the hospital said to the Associated Press yesterday. "There is no need for people to worry."

Sort of blows Entertainment Tonight's story, that the star had secretly given birth in May, out of the water. But don't think the J-Ps will stop at six kids! Word is already that Angie and Brad are looking to adopt an African son, plans that were underway before Jolie announced her pregnancy but sidelined temporarily while they await the birth of their twins, rumoured to be girls.

I really hope they are born soon. I'm so over week after week of stories in the mags about ‘Angie's Pregnancy Horror' or ‘Angie's Bizarre Birth Plan'. I know it'll reach fever pitch when said kids are actually out, but let's just get it over with and get a good squiz at them, shall we?

Poor Jamie Lynn Spears is due to be on the cover of OK! mag in the US next week showing off new baby Maddie. What's the bet she's totally overshadowed by the Jolie-Pitt hubbub? Or that Jennifer Aniston announces an engagement to John Mayer?

More Lohan drama
Among many other reasons, there's one in particular why Kristi Kaufmann may soon be regretting ever coming into contact with Michael Lohan. Kaufmann is the woman who's hit the press this week saying that Michael is the father of her 13-year-old daughter, Ashley, conceived during an affair while Michael was still married to wife Dina.

Obviously the shy, retiring type of woman Michael is attracted to (see ex-wife Dina for reference), snaps of Kaufmann and her daughter in question have ended up in an American magazine, and the Lohan resemblance is definitely there.

M-Lo has taken a paternity test, and subsequently flashed the paperwork to the paparazzi. Perez Hilton also reports Michael is trying to shop around the results of said DNA test to the highest bidder amongst the US mags. He's said he will step up if Ashley proves to be his daughter, but if she doesn't he intends to sue Kaufmann. For what? Damage to his reputation? I think that ship has sailed, boyo.

Paris is pure
Speaking of reputations too far gone to get damaged, Paris Hilton has revealed that she won't be getting a tattoo. This Little Madden prefers his women clean-skinned, apparently.

She said, "He is going to get one of me but he won't let me get one. He doesn't like tattoos on women. He thinks I look pure."

Back up the truck a minute. Paris Hilton is to pure what Jenna Jameson is to the Disney Channel. I may have called her a lot of names in my time, but ‘deluded' wasn't one of them! Maybe she can put herself forward for sainthood? They could play her sex tape at the ceremony.

Love the dig at her multi-tattooed BFF Nicole Richie, too.

Pray for Benji, people. There may just be time enough to pull him back from the edge of the chasm before he drops head first into the abyss of coloured contact lenses, neglected puppies and eyeballs which just won't point in the same direction.

Or at least hope that his lady tattoo won't turn out like this monstrosity sported on the arm of Mr Tori Spelling.

Kate, Lance still strong
After six weeks of summer lovin' Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong are ready to meet the parents. The actress and the cyclist-turned-cancer-awareness-campaigner slash man about town were snapped at lunch at the Ivy On The Shore restaurant in Santa Monica, California, with Kate's mama Goldie. Smiles all round apparently, and proof that Lance and Kate are very much together - even if the weeks of PDA tennis matches and Father's Day out with their respective broods wasn't evidence enough.

They're two of Hollywood's most notorious players, so let's see how this one pans out. Kate loves her a summer romance. Remember Dax Shepard?

Kate dated Owen. Who dated Sheryl Crow. Who was engaged to Lance, and dated John Mayer. Who dates Jennifer Aniston. Who is friends with Kate Hudson. Spare a thought for Matthew McConaughey in all of this, people. He may have ‘made a baby' (his words, not mine!) with a very tolerant Brazilian model, but at night I bet he wraps his tiny arms around himself and cries quietly over the fact that he's never been able to break his way into this incestuous Hollywood love cycle.

Somebody show the man some love. He just lost a jandal for god's sake.

Paul's money where his mouth is
And long time vegetarian and environmental campaigner Paul McCartney has put some money where his mouth is and bought himself a hybrid Lexus LS600h, worth around a cool $250,000. Ever the mindful greenie, Macca was incensed when he discovered the car had been flown from Britain to Japan - leaving behind a carbon footprint 20 times bigger than if it had travelled by sea. Hee.