In the crazy land of Cruise and Holmes? Well anything this whacky twosome do is newsworthy these days, plus, it's time to celebrate! Cute patootie Suri Cruise turned two over the weekend.

Woman's Day reports that Katie Holmes is keen for a trial separation from her domineering husband, and is keen to move temporarily to New York with her daughter to tread the Broadway boards. Tom, unsurprisingly, is having none of that.

Tom has a lot of rules, the mag reports, and Katie is finding out the hard way that life as Mrs Cruise isn't all it was cracked up to be. Perhaps Tom should get a Lars and the Real Girl style wife? One of those would do all his bidding without the backchat.

Nicole Kidman and He Of The Thin Lips were front and centre at the Country Music Awards in Nashville recently, posing with the old hand on the belly. See them in the Day and the Weekly. Lucky Keith brought our attention to said bump, because although you can finally see something popping out Nicole Kidman's belly, it is still teeny weeny for a six-month-pregnant woman.

The Weekly reports that Nic wants to spend more time with The Kids That Time Forgot, otherwise known as Isabella and Conor. "She's discovered that being a mother is her first priority and she's going to do everything to be the best parent possible."

How nice to just discover this, when her youngest kid is 13!

‘Friends At War!' Apparently the ‘battle lines have been drawn' between the Beckhams and the Cruises, or so says New Idea. Word is the Cruises think they put the Beckhams on the map in the US of A, and are miffed that they aren't getting the right sort of kudos.

Victoria thinks before she came along Katie ‘dressed like a schoolgirl,' and Katie thinks Victoria's tattoos are tacky. Watch out David and Victoria! I bet Tom is a scratcher and a hair puller when it comes to the biffo.

"The Cruises don't have many friends in Hollywood, sad but true." Sad, true, and not unexpected.

I don't want them tainting my Beckhams, particularly Cruz. He's a little superstar.

I am looking out the window and expecting to see a pig flying down the main Parnell drag after reading that Britney Spears could be making fifty million big ones in a series of fashion design deals. Yes. That Britney Spears. Britney. Spears. She of the no knickers, and torn fishnets, t-shirt and no bra constituting an outfit fit for public consumption. Yes, she's been looking better of late, but the scars are too fresh from those roadkill-looking weaves and those nasty ass short shorts for that news to be at all reassuring.

Fashion label Ed Hardy is the company behind this craziness. "The label's designer Christian Audigier wants to harness Brit's unique fashion sense, as well as her maternal instincts, to produce a range of chic, urban clothes for kids."

Spot Heather Locklear and Tommy Lee in the Woman's Day honeymooning on a beach in the Caymans in full 1986 styles! He wears a Speedo and a mullet. She wears a feathered do and bikini bottoms up to her armpits. Twenty two years later, Heather is still smoking hot in her swimsuit and I'm so jealous I don't know whether to rush to the gym or reach for the Tim Tams.

In typical Trump style, Ivana Trump weds in Miami - at Donald's pad! They don't do anything by halves - from 500 guests and 25 bridesmaids and a cake standing 3.7 metres high. Her fourth husband is an Italian model-actor more than twenty years her junior. He entered the wedding to the theme of Rocky! Class. And not only was The Donald and wife Melania there to witness the nuptials, Trump even enlisted his lawyers to write up Ivana and Rossano's pre-nup.

It's been described as "so watertight that Ivana's lawyers have pretty much been weeping in admiration."

NW has all the details on Beyonce and Jay-Z's under the radar wedding. Were the nuptials so hastily planned because Beyonce is expecting the First Child of Hip Hop? Only time, and a belly bulge, will tell.

The magazine also may have confirmed the rumours that I'm afraid of - that Beyonce donned a wedding dress designed by her mother, Tina. How come Jay gets to wear Tom Ford while Beyonce has to wear her mama's ghetto trash designs? Sigh! And on the biggest day of her life. Fashionista friend Gwyneth Paltrow would not have approved. I bet the forgotten Knowles sister, Solange, had a hand in that.

But Bey can console herself with a rumoured half a million dollars worth of white orchids - my favourite flowers!

Does ‘Solange' sound like the name of a body part to anyone else? ‘I can't meet you at the gym, I sprained my Solange.'

Is Cameron Diaz seeing 300 hottie Gerard Butler? All signs point to yes! He is hot. Much superior to her past flirtations, John Mayer and creepy Criss Angel.

This week's NW also boasts the best of stars without makeup - this is the stuff I like to see! Felicity Huffman is a fright. McSteamy's wife Rebecca Gayheart almost unrecognizable, while Rihanna, Gisele Bundchen and Natalie Imbruglia look beautiful with or without the slap. Naomi Watts looks gorgeous! Cow.

Is anyone excited about the New Kids On The Block reunion? There's a photo of them in all their forty-something glory in the NW. I was Milli Vanilli kind of 10-year-old. I liked my music German and lip-synched.

Jessica Alba and fiancé Cash - what's he doing with another girl while she's throwing her baby shower? Buck up your ideas dude, or you may lose your cushy meal ticket.

The Weekly reports that marriage is most certainly on the cards for Prince William and Kate Middleton for some time in 2009, when he finishes up at military school. More interesting is the reports that the marriage of Prince Charles and his wife, Camilla, could have hit the skids. They spent their third wedding anniversary watching on as a replica train carriage was launched in Scotland. No wonder she's miffed! A day at the spa and some champagne goes a long way, Chuck.

Naomi Campbell has an easy way to dismiss allegations of assault and tantrum throwing which saw her chucked off a British Airways flight to LA and arrested. Her reasoning?

"It's because I'm black."

No it's not, missus. It's because you're a crazy bitch.

And that's all from the mags this week.