Every child is a gift - some more so that others. When they become parents, some celebrities are like every other mum and dad in that regard. School, sports and playing in the park takes priority.

Others slot them into their diaries alongside manicures and multi-million dollar movies. It's hard to believe that well-adjusted normal kids actually emerge from growing up in Hollywood with famous parents.

Or do they?

Without further ado, I present the Offsprings - the awards the Yahoo!Xtra gossip girls have established for celebrity kids.

Most Likely To Write A Tell All Memoir: This must be a co-authoring effort between the young Federlines, Sean and Jayden. At the ages of only two and one respectively, this pair of brothers have been through more drama than most grown ups - custody battles, parents in rehab, drugs and nudity. It wouldn't be surprising if they needed to clear the air on their damaged childhoods.

They could write of life with a menagerie of revolting dogs and the trauma of being exposed to their father rapping. Jayden will have to do the publicity tour, as 800-pound Sean is obese and bedridden after all the junk food Britney fed him as a child.

Most Likely To Steal Mum's Boyfriend: Little Sam Sheen is my pick for this. Granted, she is only three. But with the parentage of legendary Hollywood hellraiser Charlie Sheen and bombshell actress Denise Richards, currently going through one of Hollywood's dirtiest divorces, she'll inherit the scruples of both. In a delightful twist of fate after Richards pinched her friend Heather Locklear's husband, Denise will take her eye off the ball and Sam will run away with her mother's toyboy, Brandon Anderson Lee.

Most Likely To Be A University Professor: Courtney Love has boasted in the press about the intellectual prowess of her 15-year-old daughter, Frances Bean Cobain. The daughter of Courtney and Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain is totally anti drugs and makes excellent grades in school, Frances has a fondness for maths.

Emerging clothes horse: Duly awarded to Zahara Jolie-Pitt. This little girl is full of beans, loves playing up to photographers, and always strikes a pose. Not to mention the mummy and me Valentino handbags that she and Angelina share. Makes you think about how different the two-year-old's life would have been if she had stayed in Ethiopia. Fast forward 15 years now and Little Miss Z will be surrounded by designer swag in the Pitt-Jolie mansion with her 30 brothers and sisters.

The next Mother Teresa: Suri Cruise could have been many things on this list. I considered her for Most Likely To Join A Cult and Most Likely To Have Been Abducted By Aliens. But as Suri gets older she takes on a rebellious streak, and what would cheese off her Hollywood mogul daddy Tom than leaving Xenu behind and turning Catholic? It's too late for siblings Isabella and Conor. Suri will move to India and work amongst the poor of Mumbai, where nobody quotes Jerry Maguire at her or asks why her father jumps on couches.

Who'll Grow Up And Get Married?: My head says Kingston Rossdale and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, as parents Angie and Brad and Gwen Stefani and husband Gavin are already pals. But if my heart had its way Shiloh would live happily ever after with the lengthily named Henry Gunther Ademola Dashtu Samuel, the son of supermodel Heidi Klum and singer Seal. These two are the most gorgeous children in Hollywood, and Henry in particular would melt the heart of even the most hardened ice queen. And think of the genes!

Biggest Ladykiller: After Henry Samuel, my all time favourite, it's got to be one of the Beckham boys, Brooklyn or Romeo. I mean, how could you not with the name of Romeo? With their father David's looks, their mother Victoria's craving for attention and plenty of money, I can see this playboy twosome cruising the coasts of Europe, Diddy style, with a bevy of beauties on their arms. Honorable mention: Maddox Jolie-Pitt.

Most Likely To Be Arrested Before The Age of 18: Lindsay Lohan's little sister Ali is 13, but I'd say you'd get good odds on her at the bookies with her family history of trouble with the law. Forget the family portrait, the Lohans can line their hallway with assorted members' mugshots.

Hey buddy, got a dollar: Can I use the Federline brothers again? After all, there's only so long Britney's finances can only be frittered away on frapuccinos, Red Bull and Taco Bell.

Most Likely To Get Their Kit Off For Playboy: When Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead and Princess Tiiami Andre both reach the age of 18, Hugh Hefner will be 98 years old, or dead. Nevertheless, his Playboy legacy will live on and the daughters of Anna Nicole Smith and Jordan are my prime suspects to carry on the family legacy by stripping in the pages of the mag. Both their mamas have been favourites of the Hef, but I'm sending a plea to these little tykes early. One boob job is enough, ladies. But as your mothers can attest to, you can never be too blonde.

Most Likely To Be Addicted To Plastic Surgery: Sadie Sandler. Enough said.

Most Likely To Grow Up Gender Confused: Kate Hudson's son Ryder Robinson has hair that most twenty-something women would kill for: long, straight, and naturally blonde. At the age of almost four, though, he's starting to look a smidge ladylike. Damian Hurley's mother Liz keeps his hair in a sensible bowl cut, but there's almost no hope for the lad after five years of being dressed in knickerbockers, frilly shirts and girl's swimwear.

Biggest Diva In The Making: Coco Arquette has already inherited her mother Courtney Cox Arquette's comic timing and dad David's innate kookiness. This three-year-old, born into the Arquette acting dynasty, already knows how to ensure all the attention's on her - from striking a pose in a West Hollywood pumpkin patch to pulling down mummy's bikini top in front of the press.

What do you reckon? Have I bypassed some celeb offspring, unfairly nominated others, or is there another kind of award I've missed that a celebrity child truly deserves? Let me know.