And as much as she may be a contender for the crown, Britney Spears is no competition for the Queen of Trash, Miz Anna Nicole Smith. Even seven months after her death Anna Nicole's goings on still generate the kind of smut that has tabloid editors full of glee.
As her baby daughter Dannielynn turns one, the latest drama from her mama involves the two main men in her life, photographer Larry Birkhead and Creepy Lawyer Man slash Wannabe Boyfriend, Howard K. Stern. Anna has the best kind of secrets from beyond the grave - murky ones!
Suddenly Larry Birkhead is no longer the knight in shining armour, New Idea reports. Where to begin? Journalist Rita Crosby's tell-all book says Anna blamed Howard for the death of her son Daniel, that she did drugs while pregnant with her daughter, and that Larry and Howard, once arch enemies, are actually lovers - a situation Anna knew about and approved of.
Ironically the Day devotes a two-page spread to the similarities between Britney Spears and Anna Nicole. The two share a southern upbringing, a love of bad blonde hair, an aversion to knickers and feuds with their mums.
Although I think referring to them both as having "Marilyn Monroe-inspired style" is a bit rich. Hick chic perhaps?
Grey's Kate Walsh, who plays Addison Montgomery on the hit TV drama, has gone from sad singleton to married woman in seven months. The actress tied the knot with her movie exec husband in a suitably big hoo-ha in California.
Her dress was large. Her brother was her bridesmaid, and, says Kate herself "I'm literally living the dream."
I give it a year.
Nicole Kidman opens up in the Woman's Weekly this week about losing a baby with ex Tom Cruise, talking husband Keith Urban into starting a family, and her secret ex-fiance. For one, Keith needs to get a wriggle on. His wife may be a zillionaire, but 40-year-old ovaries wait for no man.
Nic kept the secret engagement under her hat, but it's widely believed to be Lenny Kravitz who proposed to the movie star during their romance. She's best off out of it if that's the case. Lenny's music may be funky, but he looks like he smells a bit that way as well.
Everyone's favourite Australian has a four-page spread in the Woman's Day this week. No. it's not Rolf Harris, although he's no less deserving. It's Steve Price.
Continuing along the footy theme, Woman's Day swoons over the All Black captain with '10 Reasons Why We Love Richie McCaw'. Among them: that he'd like Nelson Mandela, Bono and Tiger Woods over for dinner, your mum would like him, and he doesn't mind being nicknamed 'Fluffy'. I'm sure he'll also be thrilled to know they consider him 'masculine but not feral'.
In a case of Liar Liar, Pants On Fire, Kirstie Alley is insisting that she's kept off the 34kg she lost on the Jenny Craig weight loss plan. Pictures in the back of the Day suggest otherwise, Missus.
Kirstie insists she weighs 64kg. If that's 64kg I'm Mother Teresa, and believe me, I am no religious icon. Surely fellow Scientologist Tom Cruise has the answer to Kirstie's weight woes? He can cure everything else.
David Arquette is unhappy about his current threesome - and it's not the good kind. According to New Idea the actor has given wife Courteney Cox-Arquette an ultimatum to spend less time with her bestie, Jennifer Aniston, to save their marriage.
Jen is always mooching round the Arquette pad, tagging along on their holidays, and even had her own room at the Arquette's last house!
Cut the apron strings Courteney. Aniston needs to get the hint. Three's a crowd love.
'Posh's Stalker Terror' in the New Idea is not what it seems. Victoria Beckham does not have a stalker - unsurprising since she is the least cute member of her entire family.
Heather Mills is doing something less than charitable, "racking up a slew of parking fine in New York for using handicapped spaces without a permit."
Meanwhile, soon to be ex-hubby Paul McCartney is the bachelor round town in the Hamptons, the posh New York holiday spot. After being snapped with a bevy of supermodels, Macca apparently has a soft spot for Renee Zellweger - a woman who seems to count sunscreen and sustenance amongst her mortal enemies.
Watch out men. Paris Hilton is preparing for pregnancy, and as we speak the world's sperm is retreating back up the pipes from whence it came. Despite no fella on the horizon, Paris has declared her intention to have a baby next year, saying "I've got to get my body ready."
Cooties is a life long affliction though, no?
And that's all from the mags this week!
DiCaprio Crowes about 'body'
