Sniff! Although word is that he's not at death's door just yet, I am still a bit glum over Patrick Swayze's cancer diagnosis. Word is doctors are ‘optimistic' about his recovery from pancreatic cancer, and the actor is still at work, New Idea reports in a story which couldn't bump Dancing With the Stars' Cory Hutchings off the cover.

I have something to admit to you all. I've never seen Dirty Dancing. Yeah, get your jaws off the floor, I know it's supposed to be compulsory viewing if you are any semblance of a woman. I know that ‘no one puts Baby in a corner.' My Swayze sadness is for the mask-donning, bank robbing surfer guru Bodhi from Point Break. Sigh! What a movie. Patrick Swayze, Keanu Reeves in his heyday, and Hollywood's current red carpet Mad Hatter, the toothy Gary Busey.

Bumpwatch is most definitely over for Kate Hudson, who revealed her rocking bod all over Miami last week. That stomach of hers was as flat as her chest. And don't get your backs up, little bosomed ladies! I mean that in a good way. Small boobs are great, occasionally I wish I had a pair, but the fact remains that Kate must be in the running to be the flattest actress in Hollywood.

If you see these pictures running in the Woman's Day you may be a bit more preoccupied by her backside over her front anyway - the girl has a stupendous ass!

Anyway, Kate's been in Miami reportedly for a bit of work by day and dalliances with ex Owen Wilson by night. I hope they get back together. Word is she's a bit of a player and he's still fragile but they are just so damn cute together.

Are Brangelina to take over Neverland? I had my money on Tom Cruise to be the new Michael Jackson. Woman's Day reports that the pregnant pair are taking a close look at Jacko's 1100-hectare ranch in California's Santa Ynez valley - but then goes on to say Angelina's "particularly appalled" at the idea of moving there.

What Angie says goes in that house, so Brad better give up that dream of life amongst the animals and on the ferris wheel and prepare to live in a tent in the African desert or up a tree in France or something. Swiss Family Jolie-Pitt!

Meanwhile, the pair's rumoured wedding plans are on the rocks after, get this, Brad's mum Jane suggested Jennifer Aniston could be invited to the nuptials. Bad idea, mama Pitt. Nothing kills the romance like the ex-wife wailing at the feet of the husband and wife to be.

Here comes the bride! Oscar nominee and teenage mama Keisha Castle-Hughes is planning to tie the knot. The 17-year-old flipped tradition on its ear by popping the question to long-term boyfriend Bradley Hull. He got her back a few weeks later, so now everyone has an engagement ring.

There's plenty of Dancing With The Stars goss - at home with Peter Urlich and family, life with Cory Hutchings and his wife Ange in the New Idea, who finally might get her husband to take her for a twirl around the dance floor; and pics of Miriama Smith and dance partner Jonny picnicking in Auckland. Do we smell another Shane and Nerida in the works?

New couple on the celeb block is Sean Penn and Czech supermodel Petra Nemcova, who turned up arm in arm at all the Oscars parties. NW reports that "they couldn't keep their hands off each other," and the pair certainly look pleased with themselves in the accompanying pics. Sean Penn is hot. Maybe dating him will enable Petra to get rid of the scent of douchebag that's hung around since she went out with James Blunt.

And if you haven't had your fill yet of Oscars goss and fashion, the NW has piles.

NW must have stumped up the cash for the Aussie rights to Nicole Richie's pics of baby daughter Harlow, but while the accompanying interview is similar, it seems longer than the one Woman's Day ran last week. The director's cut, if you will. I'm happy to see pictures of that baby for the second week running because she is just too cute.

Quick question though - why is Joel wearing a ring on his wedding finger? Think these two could have got married on the sly?

Lisa Marie Presley is pregnant and hopping mad that she was forced to announce she was with child after unflattering photos of her have been run in the media around the world. Can't fellow Scientologist superhero Tom Cruise save her?

Don't cry for Victoria Beckham just yet. The Day may be running the headline ‘David Caught With Another Woman' but investigations inside the mag make it look like a storm in an unnaturally perky C-cup.

Turns out Becks is on tour with the LA Galaxy in South Korea, and some bird accosted him at a nightclub. Hello, it's David Beckham. I'm surprised he can cut a path when he gets out of bed in the morning without mowing down random women attempting to cop a feel. Anyway, they're in a club, it's public, she looks like a fan. Don't fret your perfectly made up little head, Posh. After the media frenzy that was the whole Rebecca Loos incident I'm sure he's on his best behaviour while away from home.

My favourite princess in waiting, Chelsy ‘Absolut' Davy, is thrilled to bits that her prince is home from the Afghanistan war zone according to the Weekly. Chelsy celebrated the news that Harry was to return early with some Dom Perignon and a purchase of saucy new lingerie.

There's plenty of pics of the prince in uniform, and one of him shirtless inside if you are that way inclined.

And that's all from the mags this week!