First up! Mrs Keith Urban, sporting the tiniest of baby bumps around Sydney. Nicole's forehead hasn't collapsed yet, so any alleged Botox-type fillers she may or may not have been using are still holding up okay by the looks. Hair dye's still going strong though.

I'm wondering how she could be wearing jeans and a cardie in the heat of a Sydney summer?

Next on the baby conveyor belt? New Idea totes ageless mother of three Demi Moore as being in the family way. Now any gossip fiend worth their mettle will have been hearing these rumours since Demi tied the knot with toyboy Ashton Kutcher over two years ago. A coat carried across the mid-section does not a baby make, people.

I guess we'll see if they're right in five months time.

In local conception news, leggy former netball star Bernice Mene is expecting her second child with former cricketer husband Dion Nash, and she spills the beans to the Weekly this week. I say go for more if this one turns out like big brother Solomon - could he be New Zealand's cutest toddler?

Kate Hudson's name is bandied about in the NW as the latest to join the baby-in-waiting list, but I'm not a believer. Although New Idea has a two month pictorial timeline of Kate's belly, and it does look suspiciously more rounded than her usual rock hard abs. And she has been quite the lady about town since splitting from Owen Wilson.

'Twisted Sisters' trumpets the Day and no, it's not the return of your beloved 80s band. It's the Olsen twins, and if the Day is to be believed Mary-Kate and Ashley aren't anywhere near joined at the hip these days as they once were. Calling the twins "a pair of strange little hobbits," the mag dishes that Ashley can't stand Mary-Kate and that M-K "wields her fame like a tiny dictator." Mary-Kate Olsen could be many things, but I never picked her as the new Napoleon.

After a decade of hiding them behind ridiculous disguises, Michael Jackson has finally revealed his two oldest children to the world. But the Weekly writes there's a sinister reason to Paris and Prince's public outing.

"Michael wants them to be the new Donnie and Marie Osmond," says the inside source. "They are delightful children who have a fascinating life. They could quickly become stars with billions of dollars in spin-offs into clothes, toys and furnishings."

Okay, like these kids haven't had a freaky enough childhood, let's turn them into child stars. That always pans out well. And does anyone else smell a rat that the pair's moneymaking capabilities are being talked up just as Jacko's having massive trouble with the taxman? For shame, Michael, for shame.

The faithful few who read my blog week in, week out know that I have implemented a boycott on the Big O, Oprah Winfrey, for the screeds of coverage she continues to get in the women's rags. There's nothing not to like about Oprah but geez, talk about overkill.

It's time now to add another name to that boycott list. Eva Longoria Parker is more than a Desperate Housewife, she's desperate full stop, and for someone who proclaims to love privacy that girl has a big mouth. I could probably tell you when she farted last, so large is her penchant for sharing every detail of her life with the media.

But what's really yanking my chain about Eva is the barrage of media coverage she's been getting over the last few weeks...announcing that she's not pregnant. She's in the Weekly blathering on about it again.

Excuse me missy, but when did not being pregnant become a news story? Are we all now pregnant until proven otherwise? And there wasn't even any pregnancy rumours about you till you brought them up yourself! What a douchebag.

So Eva Publicity Whore is barred from this blog until further notice. I'm subscribing to the theory that if we ignore her, she may go away.

Justin Chambers from Grey's is the latest celeb to check in to the psych ward. "He was exhausted and suffers from a sleep disorder," says his rep. Justin has five kids. Wouldn't it be normal to be exhausted?

Jake Gyllenhaal gives the Gyllen-hos something more to swoon about (as if the ladies didn't have enough ammunition!) with NW's revelation that he's pledged to 'always be there' for late pal Heath's daughter Matilda.

"He's already proved himself to be a great father figure to Reese's children, and Matilda will grow up knowing her godfather was her dad's closest friend."

Jake doesn't really float my boat, but I'll pause here for a minute to let the rest of you swoon........okay, on with the show.

"Road Kill Willie" aka Britney's uncle William Spears, dishes the dirt on the singer's early years of drug use and alcohol abuse in NW, even claiming he shared a line of coke with his niece on her 18th birthday. Willie, "so named for his habit of eating dead animals off the highway when he was living rough," says Brit Brit's upbringing is to blame.

"She became what she saw - as mean and hard drinking as the rest of the family."

Jessica Simpson loses what little dignity she must have had left, getting plastered and puking on the floor of a Hollywood club. Pictures in NWAh Jess! We've all been there. Maybe not since we were sixteen, or in a drinking establishment, or in front of a gaggle of cameras...ok, we haven't been there. Pull yourself together girl! Or at least have the good sense to lurch to the bathroom.

Madonna is said to be rubbing testosterone cream on her skin to boost muscle mass, but it's come with an unwanted side effect - chest hair! And in other disturbing news, actress Selma Blair has been forced to wear heels round Hollywood after her new cropped brunette hairdo left an onlooker to mistake her for Tom Cruise from the rear. A girl's worst nightmare!

And that's all from the mags this week!