Like goatees on guys, spumante wine, and the thought of getting your armpits waxed, I have never understood the appeal of David Spade. You can't play the humour card with this guy - he's not that good of a comedian, and his recent TV shows have been a medley of Z-grade TV duds. Just Shoot Me? Please do if I have to watch more episodes of that show. And don't even get me started on Rules Of Engagement.

Anyway, this teeny weeny comedian has successfully wooed Heather Locklear and a long line of lanky Playboy bunnies - and if New Idea is to be believed, his latest conquest is Hollywood's most famous singleton, Jennifer Aniston.

Now I know Jen always seems like she has a whiff of desperation about her, but David Spade? Yeesh!

"Friends are wondering if her eagerness to settle down has made her overlook the fact that David has a certain reputation with the ladies," reports the mag.

Now this reported dalliance isn't without its complications. New Idea also reports that while Spade's playing knight in shining armoud for our Aniston, he has knocked up and ditched a 22-year-old Playboy model - a girl younger, hungrier for fame, and more willing to get naked for strangers than Jen.

Is it over before it all began with that buff boy from Sex And The City for Jen? Call me shallow, but I know who I'd choose!

A world-beating mountaineer and all-round New Zealand legend isn't normally the stuff of which the women's mags are made, but the late Sir Edmund Hillary grace the front of the Weekly and boasts an inside spread in the Woman's Day this week.

God bless you, Sir Ed. We at Yahoo!Xtra salute you, and don't even mind that your funeral tomorrow sends all our staff parking in Parnell up the wazoo.

Oprah's on the front of the New Idea, and you guys know how I feel about coverage on the Big O. Let's just say this: Oprah, Dr Phil, blahblahblah.

Mrs Tom Cruise can't stay away from the magazine covers for long, and there she is again on the front of the Woman's Day, in a 'no holds barred exclusive interview.' Which basically consists of a lot of gushy adjectives from the Robobride - astounding, dreamy, amazing, you get my drift. We're embarking into dangerous saccharine overload territory with quotes like "I'm so proud to be his woman." and "my parents are my heroes."

I'm a bit miffed they didn't ask her about any of the smutty rumours in Andrew Morton's biography on her hubby, but the article makes up for it further down the line.

Stifle the giggles when the mag asks Katie "What's a typical romantic night in for you and Tom?"

"Nothing beats Prada heels (for him I bet!) and a bottle of pinot grigio (for her!) The shoes are sexy and the wine loosens you up - not that I'm endorsing alcohol."

Enough! The lady's a saint! Saint Katie of Xenu. Too bad her latest movie didn't get some of the magical saintly dust rubbed on it - Mad Money's tanking at the US box office as we speak.

I have to be honest and say the news that Matthew McConaughey is going to become a father didn't shatter my world. Made me shudder a bit, but I can't say I'm at all sad that, as New Idea puts it, the actor is 'well and truly off the market.'

In what must be the weirdest announcement of a celeb pregnancy, Matt announced on his website that 'my girlfriend Camila and I made a baby together' in part of a very lengthy blog about God and creation. Apparently he's 'stoked and wowed,' making him sound like a 16-year-old stoner more than a 38-year-old movie star. His missus, Brazilian model Camila Alves, is three months gone and they've only been together six months. Good luck, you two. I wonder if the baby will inherit Matt's tiny T-Rex arms?

McConaughey's baby announcement means NW kind of dropped the ball this week with their story on Matt and co-star Kate Hudson embarking on a 'sizzling' love affair. Whoops! Interestingly, New Idea has Kate hooking up with overrated ladies man Justin Timberlake.

Silver Fern Belinda Colling got hitched to her long-term love Charlie Hore in Wanaka, and plenty of Silver Ferns showed up for the happy occasion. He's a bit of a hottie! Mind you, Belinda must really be in love to want to be known as Mrs Hore for the rest of her life.

There's a lady love theme through this week's NW, after their six page spread on Britney lurching from one disaster to another and who exactly we can point the finger at.

Apparently, as the New Idea ran last week, Angie isn't completely tied down by Bradley Pitt and his maleness. Apparently Paris Hilton is also on the prowl, copycat dressing and having an intimate night out with The L Word star Katherine Moennig (Gwyneth Paltrow's cousin). Prim and proper Gwynnie would be mortified! Apparently the heiress has been 'locking lips' and enjoying 'sensual canoodling sessions' from Miami to LA.

And never one to be left behind on a trend, NW reports Lindsay Lohan's recent dalliances with several Italian stallions have left her "live in-lover" Courtenay Semel "heartbroken."

Is dabbling in girl-girl action the new black? Nobody sent me the memo!

And that's all from the mags this week!