Poor little rich girl. Kate Middleton hits the front of both the New Idea and the Weekly - as well as a decent length story in the Day - this week after the News of the World expose which I mentioned last week which reported on her dodgy uncle.

Gary Goldsmith, the brother of Kate's mother Carole Middleton, was busted at his Ibiza party pad Maison de Bang Bang (cringe!) offering drugs to an undercover reporter for the paper and keen to arrange the services of some of the island's ladies of the night. And I don't mean the all night clubbers.

In an admirable display of backbone Prince William is standing by his woman, proved, says the Day, with a public embrace in front of photographers. In the accompanying rather fuzzy pics you couldn't say for sure it was them, although that certainly looks like William's hairline. But if it is, bless!

The pics were reportedly taken as Kate fled a London party in tears after the couple was tipped off on the Saturday night that the story was to break in the paper the next day.

"He finally managed to bring a smile to her face by repeating how much he loved and needed her," reports the mag.

New Idea's take: the ‘princess-in-waiting' is devastated, while the Weekly goes with "Kate Middleton's long-held dream of one day becoming Queen of England may be slipping through her fingers."

Sure, the royals know as well as anyone that you can't choose your family. I mean, Princess Michael of Kent? Prince Philip?

Kate and William once stayed with garish Gary (check out the ‘GG' logo tattoo on his upper arm! Class) while on holiday on the Spanish island. He claimed the pair would be announcing their engagement this year and was gleefully looking forward to his royal connections, telling their reporter "I'm going to be the Duke of Slough!" If anyone's the Duke of Slough it's David Brent, mate.

But if Uncle Gary was at the wedding guaranteed there's be plenty to talk about at the reception, no? He'd be the one peering down the dresses of the royal bridesmaids and trying to get the Queen to dance to ‘Eye of the Tiger'.

Uncle Gary's not the only one who's caused concern for the Middleton clan this year. Kate's younger brother James was snapped earlier this year taking a wizz in public after a family night out in London. In front of his mother, no less!

And pictures of him published on the internet have also caused a stir. "The university dropout, who now helps to run his mother's cake company, was pictured dressed as a French maid, with fuchsia lipstick, ripped fishnet stockings and a lacy cap."

Mischa Barton's ‘timeline of destruction' (does that sound like the title of a Terminator movie to anyone else?) is tracked in the NW. Follow her decline from fun loving party girl to the meltdown which saw her committed to the psychiatric ward of a Los Angeles hospital.

The mag points out more than a couple of similarities between Mischa's fall from grace and Britney Spears' very public decline in the not so distant past.

On the subject of Britney, it sounds like Kevin Federline's recent rapid weight gain hasn't made a lick of difference to the potency of his, er, swimmers. New Idea is reporting his latest girlfriend Victoria Prince may be pregnant. That would make the fifth child for the 31-year-old failed rapper and professional ex-husband.

"A family insider says Victoria was struck down by a bout of nausea on the couple's recent European jaunt, and has been suffering from queasiness ever since," reports the mag. Ever supportive, "Kevin is hoping his girlfriend has the flu."

He's already father to Kori, seven, and Kaleb, five, with ex-partner Shar Jackson and Sean, three, and Jayden, two, with Britney.

Jessica Simpson was expecting an engagement ring for her 29th birthday, and got a present she wasn't expecting from boyfriend Tony Romo - the boot. NW has more.

‘I'm Fat and Alone' declares the cover, but I think she looks gorgeous on the front of the mag. I am unsure though about earrings which graze your clavicle.

"At first Jessica thought Tony was joking...When she realized he actually was breaking up with her, she literally threw up.

"Jessica's not heartbroken, she's completely devastated. One second she thinks she's getting engaged, the next she's dumped."

The mag is going with theory that the straw which broke the quarterback's back, so to speak, was the ‘sexy' text messages on Jess' phone from her ex John Mayer.

Supposedly Joe Simpson giving the guy football advice didn't help matters either. Ugh, Joe Simpson. How would you like someone giving you advice on how to be a creepy douche?

Jess, the mag says, is determined not to look dowdy following her split from the footballer, and reportedly puts on weight when she's happy in a relationship. Unsuccessful enquiries into gastric banding surgery in the US have the star looking into possible plastic surgery in South America.

Don't do it Jess! Remember what happened to Tameka Raymond, the soon to be ex-Mrs Usher. Tameka's ass nearly died on the operating table in Brazil - all in pursuit of a flatter stomach.

In contrast, one of the celebs known for her former size zero figure is learning to embrace her curves. Nicole Richie has a loving partner, a daughter, a baby on the way, and finally loves her baby body.

A celebrity who's happy with her figure! Can I get an amen?

Richie once weighed 38 kilos, and her sinewy frame was synonymous around Hollywood a couple of years ago with the industry's obsession with thinness. Nicole even bounced back into super slim shape in record time after the birth of her daughter Harlow last January. But with the support of partner Joel Madden, Richie has put family and motherhood before her figure.

"At first Nicole felt insecure about her larger figure. She has always had issues with her weight. But Joel and Nicole are closer than they have ever been. He has told her how much he loves her pregnancy curves, and she has grown to love them too."

Nicole and Joel's second child is due in August.

I love this little family! And Harlow is too cute for words.

Rachel Hunter's elder sister and trusted confidante Jacqui speaks to the Woman's Day about how her supermodel sister's slowly putting her life back together after the shock of being dumped by fiancé Jarret Stoll just weeks before their wedding.

The sisters, who have always been close, live mere kilometers apart in Santa Monica, California.

"In typical Rach ‘get on with the job' fashion, she is just moving on," says Jacqui.

"When you're older I think you learn to accept situations a bit more, and you realise you have to move on. And she's a New Zealander - I think we're particularly good at picking up her feet and moving on. New Zealanders are very strong people."

Maybe Jessica Simpson should look up our Rach for a session of onwards and upwards after being dumped?

Whatever happens, says Jacqui, Hunter's kids Renee and Liam always come first for the former Glenfield girl.

"Rach is like a turtle with those kids - whatever happens, they just tuck in under her shell and away they go. She makes them feel safe and secure."

Joe Cotton appears this week on TV3 show Hitched documenting the lead-up to her big day last February, but tells the Woman's Day that she's one of the Kiwi women who supposedly now suffer from ‘post-nuptial depression.'

Word is one in ten Kiwi brides get the blues after they've tied the knot. I know no-one who's ever suffered from post-nuptial depression, or at least who would own up to it. Do tell me if you have. Is spending your life with the person that loves you not exciting enough?

Joe says the come down she felt after her Valentines Day nuptials were over had her feeling the blues. If she had indeed been planning her wedding for 15 years (!!!) as the mag says, then I guess it must be weird when the whole thing's over.

"I started to wonder if Edmund Hillary felt this way after he climbed Mount Everest," muses Joe.

Hmmm. A trailblazing pioneer whose legendary feats are still revered 56 years later vs walking down non-mountainous aisle in white frock? I don't think you'll end up with your picture on a five dollar note for that, Joe.

I did love her wedding flowers though, which were identical to mine. Team phalaenopsis orchids unite!

Is LA's love affair with the Beckhams well and truly over? The Day reports Posh and Becks are set to flee LA, quietly putting their Bel-Air pad on the mansion while planning a move back to Europe.

Last week David got quite the hostile reception when he returned to play a home game for the LA Galaxy against Milan. The crowd waved anti-Beckham signs and gave the once-lauded player plenty of verbal stick for abandoning their side for half the season to play in Italy.

"Sometimes it's nice to get the boos," David insisted after the match. "It gives you inspiration. You can't be liked by everyone."

Perhaps he meant it's nice to get ‘the booze'?

The family only arrived two years ago. Hasn't that gone fast?

The article runs with a really nice picture of Victoria walking through yet another airport with yet another luxurious handbag on her arm. Love her trousers. Could never wear them in a million years, but love them nonetheless.

Trinny Woodall is snapped flaunting her whippet thing figure on the beach in the Bahamas, on hols with best pal Susannah Constantine. These two seem like they have a fabulous friendship, I'll give them that.

Trinny's put on some weight, but I can't really imagine how on her daily diet regime.

"I start with a coffee and a croissant. Then later in the day, I get healthy. I have spinach, carrot, beetroot and celery juice for energy, plus a slice of toasted pumpernickel bread with avocado, olive oil, parmesan, basil and black pepper. It's delicious."

The Day leads this week with Michael Jackson's daughter Paris, and how she's holding her grieving family together. No pressure on you then, 11-year-old.

Apparently Paris has adopted a mothering role to her brothers Prince and Blanket, and is trying to keep the family positive a month after Michael's unexpected death.

Oh, and I read last week that Paris Hilton's been going around the place telling everyone Paris Jackson is named after her. Nothing to do with the city in France, then? Sure, Hilton probably thinks the French capital is named after her too.

The mags also run with the tale of Michael's rumoured to be secret son, Omer Bhatti - the supposed product of a one night stand the singer had in 1984. There's a picture of him in the Weekly and his face looks like it's computer generated. Forget the Jacksons, he could be one of the Sims.

Michael's mouthy brother Jermaine continues talking to the press about Jackson family business. "If it's his son, it's his son. We won't deny it. We are going to give him the same amount of love and care that we give Prince, Paris and Blanket."

To the rapid fire gossip!

Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez have swapped house keys. Winona Ryder's dating Kylie Minogue's model ex-boyfriend, James Gooding. Claire Chitham opens up to the Weekly about healing after the end of her marriage to Mikey Havoc. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are reportedly squabbling over whether or not their children should be vegetarian. Ten-year-old Brooklyn Beckham wants to get a tattoo. And the NW reports that despite pledging her devotion to on-off girlfriend Samantha Ronson, Lindsay Lohan made a play for Russell Brand at an LA party recently - and got turned down.

"Russell has been on her radar for a while but he doesn't want anything to do with her," reveals a source. "He finds her constant craving for attention and her heavy drinking a turn-off."

When even a sex addict won't succumb to your charms? Ouch.

And that's all from the mags this week!

 

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