Apologies for the tardiness of the mags blog this week, gossip lovers. I was incapacitated for the start of this week, at home with the lurgy, and hence my whole gossip week has been thrown out of whack. 

But onwards!

The Weekly lead this week with a minor coup, an interview with the normally publicity shy rugby legend Jonah Lomu, partner Nadene Quirk, and accompanying photo shoot with five-month-old baby Brayley. He's lovely!

The baby, not Jonah.

Jonah reveals how Brayley really is a very special baby, after his chances of becoming a father were slashed to one in 100,000 after his kidney trouble. Despite the odds, Quirk became pregnant just months into their relationship last year.

"I had sperm frozen," says the former winger. "It's still frozen - I didn't need to use it, obviously!"

I'm not so much of a fan of the 34-year-old's huge forearm tattoos, reading ‘Brayley' and ‘Nadene' - but they're not my arms, so good luck to him.

Media attention around the couple started at the point of their controversial hook up, and rose exponentially when they announced they were expecting. For weeks after the baby's birth in February the press was reporting their son was in fact a daughter. Now the family of three travels in cars with blacked out windows, and do their supermarket shopping at night.

As Jonah tackled fatherhood he also took steps to reach out to his long-estranged parents, Semisi and Hepi. And you'll find all the details of Brayley's birth and the Wellington-based couple's life with their young son.

Inside the mag the couple denies their romance started while they were married to their respective exes, saying they were long time friends from Jonah's Hurricanes days in Wellington.

The magazine doesn't mention either of the exes by name, and I don't think that's an oversight. For the record, they're Jonah's manager wife Fiona, whom he was married to for four-and-a half years, and Nadene's husband, Blues player Jarek Goebel, to whom she was married for ten months before hooking up with the rugby star.

Says property manager Nadene: "It was only last year that we ever went beyond friendship. Until then, it wasn't anything more than that. Jonah and I never crossed any lines that shouldn't have been crossed, despite what many believe. We were being true to the situations we were in at the time and once we'd done the things we needed to, we decided to give it a go together."

But Jonah's got form in the love ‘em and leave ‘em department, no? And has anyone else noticed how all Jonah's women have a very similar look about them?

Brace yourselves, Twi-hards. The NWleads this week with the ‘news' that Twilight actors Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have a new joint production in the works - a baby.

"They face their toughest challenge yet as Kristen reveals her baby news," the mag reports.

The mag is pretty sure it even knows when the couple did the business and everything. - reportedly after the MTV Movie Awards in LA in May.

And its evidence? A picture of Kristen dressed as Joan Jett on the set of The Runaways with the fly of her very tight leather trousers open. Perhaps she was just avoiding doing them up until the last possible minute? They don't look comfortable.

Tres juicy - if true! I doubt. You?

He's currently filming Remember Me in New York, where fans are hating on his newly separated co-star, Aussie actress Emilie de Ravin, after rumours spread about the pair's electric chemistry. Kristen's working on The Runaways in LA with Dakota Fanning.

Fans of Rob will come over all aquiver when they read the NW's piece on ‘the heart-throb's past loves kiss-and-tell on what he's really like.'

‘When our lips touched, I felt electricity go between us' says one ex.

‘He's even better in person than he is in photos,' says another.

None of them will be getting much more out of Pattinson if his aunt Diana Nutley has anything to do with it. "He's only 23 and probably won't get married until he's 40, if he has any sense."

I blogged last week about Katie Holmes in Melbourne working on her latest flick with Suri in tow, and the Woman's Day leads with the same this week. The actress and the toddler are still in town, but Tom Cruise has left after a high profile arrival and brief stay with his wife in the Aussie city.

This, says the Woman's Day, really grinds Katie's gears.

She initially wanted to head Down Under alone but her controlling hubby was apparently ‘adamant' he come to look after their toddler daughter and spend family time together.

Before you can say ‘a souvlaki to go' he's left the Victorian capital and head out on the high seas with pal and fellow Scientologist James Packer on a boys' trip on Packer's humungous former salvage boat, the Arctic P. A superyacht's not quite enough for this fella.

Word is Tom cancelled the accommodation booked for Katie and checked the family into a place of his choosing - the penthouse at the city's Crown Casino, owned by Packer.

There were even worries that Katie had the swine flu. Turned out to be regular old vanilla flu - which people also die from, but apparently that doesn't warrant a worldwide frenzy. But I digress!

Tom's "incessant tour of duty" round town has apparently wound his wife up no end. Look for Mrs Cruise to be much lower key now the husband's departed Aussie shores.

"Tom promised that he'd take care of Suri (in Melbourne) but he just seems desperate to show off his parenting skills to his Scientology pals," a source tells the mag.

Who's taking care of the teenagers? You know Nicole Kidman's not furrowing her brow over Isabella and Connor. Mind you, she couldn't if she wanted to!

After causing a bit of a media storm after telling Aussie TV interviewer Tracey Grimshaw she needed to get Botox, Gordon Ramsay has gone and done the very same.

"That's Tracy Grimshaw," he said in the comment that prompted even Kevin Rudd to comment on his dastardlyness. "I had an interview with her yesterday, holy crap. She needs to see Simon Cowell's Botox doctor."

Ramsay's had the jab under his chin he reckons, although if he's going down that road I'd suggest some in the fault lines in his forehead wouldn't go amiss.

"I've always had a face like Freddy Krueger but more people were commenting on my chin," says the mouthy TV chef. "A makeup artist said ‘God, what happened to you? Did you have an accident when you were little? Did you fly through the windscreen with no seatbelt on?' I was getting a complex."

Ah, diddums.

Which is the happier Simpson sister - juicy Jessica or pin-thin Ashlee? As the Simpson siblings slide up and down the scale of dress sizes, the NW is voting Jess the happier sister since she relaxed her diet and put on a few pounds with the support of footballer boyfriend Tony Romo.

Although she may not currently be all sunshine and lollipops, since after this mag went to press Tony dumped Jessica - the day before her birthday. Ouch.

The mag runs photos of Jessica a couple of weeks ago looking pretty and natural, singing the national anthem at a golf tournament in Maryland and wearing a clingy horizontally striped frock - the sort that any girl with the hint of hips and an ass learns early on to keep far, far, far away from.

Ashlee's husband Pete Wentz reportedly prefers his woman to rock the ‘thin model look,' and together with preparing to film a new TV series, a remake of Melrose Place (gag!) the younger Simpson has been dieting like nobody's business.

"At a family wedding in May, a friend says Jess ate her dinner plus two pieces of cake, while mum of one Ashlee barely consumed anything."

They both look good. Should we leave it at that?

The mags are running plenty on Michael's Jackson's funeral, but chances are you've seen the pics and read most of the details already. It was a week ago.

The Woman's Day runs a story on Jacko's ex Debbie Rowe with the headline ‘I've Always Loved Them.' Cue the whole world rolling their eyes.

So she took money to relinquish her parental rights to Michael, now she's suddenly been all overcome with maternal feeling the minute his millions come up for grabs with whoever takes custody of the three kids?

Moneygrubber!

And she really is an unfortunate looking woman. The photo in the Day is not her finest hour.

"The kids don't even know Debbie's the mother," Michael's former spokesperson Stuart Backerman says. "They think she is an aunt or a friend."

Why would they want to go and live with some woman they didn't even know?

Julie Seymour's fourth pregnancy took the netballing legend by surprise, and you'll find her story (with the controversial-lite headline ‘I didn't want this baby right now') about life with three kids, as a high level sportswoman and with hunky hubby Dallas Seymour in the Woman's Day.

As if life in Summer Bay wasn't dramatic enough, there's a story on the actress who plays Home and Away's Martha, Jodi Gordon, in the Day this week. It ran in Aussie last week and seems to be the fallout after the headline-making scandal from across the Tasman that involved the actress, bikies, titty bars, narcotics and an emergency police call out. Forget Home and Away, sounds like she's straight out of The Sopranos.

Ha! I wrote that before I read on and found out her favourite strip club was called Bada Bing.

The "crazy party girl" was reportedly a frequent strip club punter, and a club regular told the mag: "That girl seems to have more money than sense. Her behaviour is completely irrational."

What would Alf Stewart say?

New Idea leads this week with ‘Ange and Brad's Last Ditch Ultimatum' as the couple reportedly tries to make some big decisions on ‘their tumultuous four-year relationship.' Lordy, has it only been four years?

It's the same old same old, so grab the mag if you want an Angie and Brad fix.

Yawn.

I'm gonna put my cards on the table and say Nahla Aubry may well be the most beautiful child in the history of humankind. Don't believe me? All the mags are running snaps of the photogenic 16-month-old's holiday with mummy Halle Berry and father Gabriel Aubry in Miami last week.

Will Jennifer Aniston the next star to open a restaurant? Dunno if I'd really want to dine at the establishment of a long-term compulsive dieter. I mean, the girl had the same lunch every day for ten years on the set of Friends - that doesn't scream a passion for food to me. But the Weeklysays it's in the works.

"She's really passionate about cooking and everyone's told her that she should start a restaurant. Jen can make anything from Mexican meals to Italian cakes. She does read cookbooks but she uses mainly her own recipes."

Kevin Federline has put on 39kg since marrying Britney Spears in 2004 - and the pics are in the Weekly to prove it. Never one to shirk calling Britney names when she suffered from weight woes, the pop star's gleefully taken to calling her ex ‘Kevin Fatter-line' and asking ‘when the baby's due.' The blogs are referring to him as ‘Well-Fed.'

"However, after seeing new photos of the pop princess performing in Paris, the words ‘pot' and ‘kettle' spring to mind," adds the mag.

No they don't. Shame on you Woman's Weekly! She looks beautiful. Kevin looks lardy. No one should put on that much weight in that much time. It's hardly comparable. Did you hire someone who works for the bitchy Daily Mail recently?

TV presenter Helena McAlpine got made redundant from C4 in January and still hasn't found a job. She's had to drastically reduce her expenses and, amongst other things, is no longer able to spend $120 a month on repairing shoes. One hundred and twenty bucks a month on repairing shoes? The girl either has a whole lot of shoes, or they're all some kind of busted.

But there is a pinpoint of light down Helena's tunnel. Says the 30-year-old: "It hasn't got to the point where I'm drinking the cooking wine just yet!"

Simone and Shane Warne are back together again. You're a braver woman than me, love. In the time they've been divorced his hair hasn't got any less styled. Maybe you've got to admire Warney, doing his best to keep the hair product and bleach industries afloat.

Rumer Willis is to play a "punky, cute lesbian" on the new 90210. Jamie Oliver is dressed up as every member of the YMCA (Caution: may cause nightmares. Especially the biker. And the sailor. And the construction worker. Okay, he looks creepy in all of them). See more pictures of Kendra Wilkinson's wedding in the NW - not the blurry, paparazzi kind. The newly boated Mischa Barton is blaming her puffy puss on ‘having her wisdom teeth out' - although her face has been that way for about two months.

And the delightfully refreshing Helena Bonham Carter admits a bit too much when she shares that she suffered from incontinence while working on the latest Harry Potter flick after giving birth to 19 month old daughter Nell. Life as evil witch Bellatrix Lestrange proved quite the challenge to a star with no pelvic floor control.

"Every time I had to scream, I wore nappies," she confesses to the Weekly.

And that's all from the mags this week!

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