Despite rumours linking her with ex Justin Timberlake, greasy magician Criss Angel and, most lately, musician John Mayer, the Day has the long-legged Cameron Diaz hooking up with her The Holiday co-star Jude Law.

Apparently they share an 'amazing rapport' which has blossomed since making the movie last year. Granted, they are both blessed with movie star looks and have piles of cash. And he could do worse. Some people think Cameron Diaz looks like the Joker. I am not one of them. Any woman who has legs you'd sell your nana to have (sorry, Nana!) does not get mockery in my book.

Anyway, isn't she a guy's dream girl? Loves to surf, loves to work out, blonde and leggy, burps and eats like a trooper. She's a greenie to boot. Jude, on the other hand, looks like he's never seen the sunlight, and any guy who wears those funny waistcoats and little trilbies out in public does not a hunk of spunk make.

Jude has gone a-wooing across the Atlantic, leaving London to chase Cameron round LA.

"He even offered to take her on a surfing trip to anywhere - the only stipulation being that she had to teach him how to surf," reports the Day. Cameron turned him down. Would you give up great waves in Hawaii or Costa Rica to show some pasty-skinned schmo the ropes? Me neither! That's what instructors are for.

There are lots of 'friends' with 'reports'. Don't buy your wedding hat just yet.

Geri Halliwell and Victoria Beckham are encouraging each other on their regimented diet plans to whip into even better shape for the upcoming Spice Girls world tour. Geri's body is rocking but, granted, the girl works out like a fiend. Maybe Victoria's ruse is to get even thinner than normal so people will be momentarily distracted from the fact that she really does sing awfully.

There's a reason the Spice Girls never gave you any lines, Vicky.

Meanwhile, old Melanie 'Scary' Brown looks like Coronation Street-heads-to-the-seaside kitted out in a plunging leopard print one piece, plenty of boobage, high heels and picking a wedgie on her way back from the portaloo at Miami Beach.

Mel's new marriage takes a dark and sinister turn in the New Idea as the mag reveals her hubby is wanted in New Jersey for killing a duck. That's right, he's a mallard murderer. Oh, and a wife beater. We give it three months.

The Britney Spears Express chugs on at full speed to Disasterville in the Day. Latest revelations have ex-husband K-Fed stepping up a gear to get custody of the most unfortunate of showbiz offspring, sons Sean and Jayden.

According to the affidavit of Britney's former nanny, the star gives her boys coffee and soft drinks, makes out with men in front of them, keeps them up late at night and once screamed at them that 'they were both mistakes.'

Who would have thought Kevin Federline would end up looking like the responsible parent out of these two?

Nicole Richie is in the family way, and pal Paris Hilton also seems to have babies on the brain, as pictures of her with a toddler at her Malibu beach house run in the back of the Weekly Talk about bad mothering - who would let Paris Hilton touch their baby? The kid could catch all sorts.

Angelina Jolie is still a skinny Minnie, and there's talk in the Woman's Weekly about Angie and Brad adopting a Band-Aid baby to heal the rifts in their shaky relationship. On the set of her new movie in the Day Angie really does look awful in comparison to her va-va-voom Tomb Raider days. Let's start a campaign to bring her bosoms back.

Someone who is bringing the boobs back is Keira Knightley in her new ads for Coco Mademoiselle perfume. Flat as a board Keira has been photoshopped over with a curvaceous pair of boobies, and Ms Knightley freely admits they're not hers.

Things go from bad to worse for the love child of Popeye and Elvira, Miz Amy Winehouse. No wonder she got into strife after a bender on heroin, coke, ketamine and ecstasy. She could keep all those drugs stashed in her beehive, a most convenient carry-all.

A hypothetical lead on the front of the Weekly this week, posing the question 'Diana: What if she had lived?' Well, she wouldn't be dead, der. Written by a 'British fiction writer' the author speculates Diana would have a '1.5m long leather cushion shaped like a rhinoceros,', she'd be concerned about Harry's girlfriend Chelsy Davy, and wouldn't be able to find a man.

There's Diana aplenty in all three mags, if you're a fan, you'll be excited. If not, flick forth to the most salacious stuff.

The New Idea leads with 'Oprah's Outrage' - or is it 'Oprah's Outage?' Word on its pages is that Rosie O'Donnell is convinced Oprah and friend Gayle King are gay, and wants the talk show host out and proud.

Oprah and Gayle wear each other's shoes, so that seals the deal. They must be lesbians.

The last word comes from our friend Jordan, back on the booze after giving birth to the ridiculously named Princess Tiaamii. Does anyone else wish they'd stuck with Bunny? Jordan has two boys, and a baby girl has proved a learning experience in the nappy department for the lady that's probably seen more down belows than most.

"She's got more bits to clean," she explains to New Idea. "I know it sounds crude but I'm used to doing boys."

And that's all from the mags this week!