Woman's Day reports on her spermination. Interestingly Jamie Lynn, who's always pushed her reputation as a 'clean living' Christian, is supposedly much further along than the 12 weeks she's admitted to. If the Day is to be believed, expect a bundle of joy around April.

Hilariously, Jamie Lynn's lawyers sent a strongly worded letter to the National Enquirer after they ran a story in July saying Jamie Lynn was in the family way. It read: "Ms Spears is a devout Christian with a spotless reputation, who lives in accordance with the highest moral and ethical standards in accordance with her faith."

Which include plenty of doing the nasty, I presume.

Just don't let that baby near aunty Britney.

Nothing Britney does could surprise me any more, but NW is reporting that the fallen pop star is planning her third wedding, to creepy Svengali-style friend Sam Lufti. Of course, Britney's a sound judge of character, and I'm sure Sam (whose goatee type thing is a crime in itself) appreciates Brit Brit for her spots and dodgy hair extensions - and the money doesn't come into it at all.

"Sam has Britney wrapped around his oily little fingers," says a source. "Everyone sees through him except her."

Ugh, somebody slap that girl for me. In the past year she's gone from being relatively dim to certifiably insane. Wasn't one gold digging husband enough? You know, that last one, who still takes your money and spends it fighting you for your own kids?

While everything Britney touches turns to custard, I want some of what Demi Moore's having. Hollywood's hottest mama graces the front of the Woman's Day this week in all her ridiculously gorgeous 45-year-old glory, and spills on everything from her beauty regime to life with hunky husband Ashton Kutcher.

Damn! I know Demi's had surgery, literally, up to her eyeballs, but if I could look like that at 45 with three kids, sign me up.

Trophy wife fight ahoy! Weeks after Nicole Kidman admitted her kids refuse to call her 'Mum,' butter-wouldn't-melt Katie Holmes has stuck the knife in and declared that robo-kids Conor and Isabella refer to her as 'Mom' instead. Ouch, Nicole.

NW is giving big ups to the stars who aren't afraid to show their age. I dunno if this is a good thing, because when I saw their cover shot of Kylie Minogue I thought it was Courtney Love. Now I love me some Kylie, but that is not a compliment.

Princess Beatrice gets blotto out in London, and her cousins William and Harry get swindled out at a posh bar, where New Idea reports they knocked up a sizeable bar tab. Ten quid for a shot of sambuca is criminal.

Someone seems to have sucked all the hot out of Pamela Anderson, who's snapped looking beat out with husband Rick Salomon, who could have been an extra in The Hills Have Eyes judging on this shot. Pam and Rick's on-again, off-again marriage is on again, but it could be off again by the time you read this.

Woman's Weekly runs with a spread of ex-All Black Carlos Spencer, his family and new baby girl, Asha, at home in England. Ever the sensitive new age guy, Spencer continued playing golf after receiving a call from his missus saying she was in labour.

"I knew I'd never hear the end of it if I didn't get home in time to take her to the hospital," he explains. Well, der.

The baby's gorgeous, but Carlos' bleached blond do is so mid-90s.

Prince Edward and wife Sophie became parents again last week to a little boy, but I'm not giving them any love until they spill with a name.

Publicity whore Eva Longoria is getting a kind of press I'm sure she didn't bank on, with an attempted kiss and tell on her new husband Tony Parker. French model Alexandra Paressant claims she felt a spark with the basketball player when they locked eyes across the room - at his wedding reception.

Embarrassingly for Eva the Diva, the model claims to have intimate details of the actress' sex life, which her hubby apparently spilled after their relationship turned physical.

"She does not want to make love in front of a mirror," says Alexandra, "Does not like [a] certain position, and thinks that sperm gives acne." The mind boggles, and I shall keep my keyboard out of the gutter. Think of that what you will.

While Paris Hilton is the antithesis of hard to get, throwing herself at ex Stavros Niarchos in Miami, little sister Nicky embarks on one of the most revolting kisses I've seen in a long time in the pages of NW. And you thought she was the classy Hilton!

Victoria Beckham has brushed off claims that hubby David stacked his jocks in a recent ad for Armani underwear. Posh claims he doesn't need any help, thanks to his 'tractor exhaust pipe.' Doth the lady protest too much?

Dame Helen Mirren admits that she's obsessed with America's Next Top Model, and, in one to keep you laughing through into the new year, Pete Doherty is planning to run the London Marathon. That should be no problem for a chain smoking, heroin using crackhead who looks like he's never seen the light of day. We'll be waiting at the finish line, Petey.

And that's all from the mags this week, and this year! Here's wishing all you smut hounds a very merry Christmas and a trashy New Year.