Has Britney Spears' life become too much of a 'circus'? This week NW is offering a tale of woe, claiming the former superstar is a drug-controlled zombie who's a step away from yet another meltdown. A source on the crew of her world tour has spilled the dirt, saying the exhausted star's handlers are feeding her a steady stream of sleeping pills and other meds to keep her pacified.

It's got to the point where Brit Brit's literally on autopilot - she can go through the motions okay, but any changes to the routines and she can't cope. Now, I've never been one to laud Britney as a brilliant songstress, but I'll admit in her heyday the girl could bust a move. Pretty much everyone knows you go to her show to watch her lip-synch and gyrate in front of some spectacular stage sets. And now she can't even do that.

We all remember the images from her breakdown a few years ago - the drastic head-shaving incident, the public crying jags, and then the confused-looking starlet being carted off on a stretcher. Is it all about to come crashing down again?

Britney's dad Jamie is supposed to be in charge of her wellbeing, but as the tour stretches on with more and more dates being added, it seems like that's the least of his priorities. Meanwhile reviewers are picking up on how out-of-it Britney is, with UK paper The Guardian calling her "weirdly characterless".

If she's been declared mentally unfit to look after her own business affairs and finances, why is she being sent off with a bunch of 'handlers' on a gruelling world tour? (Man, I hate that word. Dogs have handlers. People shouldn't have handlers.)

Never fear - a knight in shining armour could just be planning to rescue Britney and take her away from it all! NW, New Idea and Woman's Day are all reporting that oops, she did it again - got engaged, that is. Rumours that Britney's been dating her manager  Jason Trawick have been floating around for a while. The latest is that during a Bahamas beach break last month he suggested they get hitched. I wonder if he used the word "gravy-train" in his proposal? And whether they're "so in love" they won't need a pre-nup?

"He didn't exactly get down on one knee, but Britney didn't care," an 'insider' gushes. And now plans are in force for a fairytale wedding (can one's third wedding legitimately be called a fairytale?), with friends apparently right behind this new loving union.

"I see them married for a long time - maybe even forever," one says. I see they're setting their standards high in Tinseltown these days...


As usual, we have wildly conflicting accounts from the mags this week as to the state of the Beckhams' marriage - but this week it's a bumper ten-year anniversary edition! I think I'll give you the options 'Choose-Your-Own-Adventure' style (remember those books? I loved them):

- If you want Posh and Becks to be staging last ditch crisis talks, Posh to be skinnier than ever, and David caught amid more cheating claims, turn to NW.

- If you'd rather read about them on a blissful family holiday in the South of France, happier than ever, planning for another baby, and still hoping for a girl - plus pics of the couple over ten years (including a pic from Becks' recent Armani undies shoot - hurrah!), choose NZWW.

- If you want more pics from over the years and for the holiday to be "make or break" for the couple, go to New Idea.


Here's some genuine good news for once: Aussie TV funnyman Rove McManus has married his lady love Tasma Walton (formerly of 'Blue Heelers') in a secret beachfront ceremony. Awww, bless! I've always had a soft spot for Rove - he's such a wee cutie - and it's so nice to see him happy after the heartbreaking illness and death of his first wife, Belinda Emmett.

See? Gossip columnists do so have hearts. They're just usually hidden away under multiple layers of snarkiness.


Now it's time for an update on the three-headed monster that is Angelina, Brad and Jen. Thankfully, there's not too much to report (although Woman's Day have devoted their cover to La Jolie). Most of them are still running the same separate sleeping quarters and secret trysts with Jen guff as last week. But more interesting are the reports that not only is Ange obsessed with plastic surgery, planning a $1.3 million dollar overhaul, but Brad himself has also had a sneaky Botox jab or two! Apparently he saw himself in pics from Cannes and had a bit of a freakout. I highly doubt it, but I'll give them points for giving me a brief chuckle.

Quite frankly, the only outcome I'd find remotely interesting at this stage is if Jen and Ange were to pair up and sail off into the sunset together, leaving a mystified Brad sticking needles into every part of his anatomy while his ever-increasing brood shrieks for his attention and John Mayer Tweets at him relentlessly. Make it happen, Hollywood!


Another celebrity couple apparently on the rocks is Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson. Put your hands up if you're surprised... anyone? No? Anyway, rumour has it Ashlee's finding life tough looking after Bronx Mowgli at home all day while Pete's off partying on tour, and has reacted in that stereotypical 'Desperate Housewives' way: by becoming a lush. This would explain the drunken scene Anna blogged about recently. Next stop: rehab!


What other snippets do the mags have for you this week? Check out Woman's Day if you're interested in reading how Simon Barnett's marriage and family ties stay strong. Apparently, to make sure he spends quality time with his three daughters he "even takes them to the hardware store!" This astounding fact was apparently worth printing three times: once in the story, again in a caption and once more on the contents page. Are we back in the 1950s or something?

NW and Woman's Day are both running pics of Lady Gaga sans makeup, enjoying a canoodle on the beach with her boyfriend Speedy. Speedy and Gaga... I have no words. The woman is 23, but under the hair extensions and full face of slap lies the face of a 40-year old. Hilariously, NW is calling her outfit "conservative" - by which they mean her t-shirt has only one cutout and her buttcrack is only showing in one shot.

If you like some crazy with your morning cappuccino, I do recommend you check out some of the real-life stories in the mags this week - especially "I blew $7600 on a toe job!" in Woman's Day. Elsewhere, Madonna's worried Gwyn's overdoing the exercise (wonder who gave her that idea, oh blackest of pots?), Mariah Carey's still in full diva mode, and is Suzanne Paul really hitting our screens again?

And that's all from the mags this week!