Is LiLo a klepto?

Poor, grubby Lindsay Lohan just seems to ricochet from scandal to scandal these days. The only 'work' she gets is the occasional nightclub appearance or photoshoot for some product or other, and the only reason she's still featuring in the tabloids is her on-again, off-again relationship with Samantha Ronson (the latest: off again, after a huge fight about LiLo not being invited to one of Nicole Richie's parties).

And now she's managed to drag her reputation through the mud yet again. While in the UK recently, she somehow managed to wangle herself a photoshoot with Elle magazine. Dior kindly lent custom jewellery worth £250,000 for the shoot - and it hasn't been seen since. Police are now questioning LiLo over the disappearance.

Now, to be fair, Elle is currently stating it doesn't believe Lindsay is "in any way responsible" for the jewels going missing. But it doesn't look good for her when she's previously been in hot water with Louis Vuitton, after she reportedly walked off with a swag of designer samples after a 2007 photoshoot.

Whether these latest rumours are true or not, isn't it time for Lindsay to take a proper break from showbiz? For the last year, photos have shown her as messy, emaciated and dazed-looking. Her parents do nothing but insist she's fine and issue press releases slagging each other off.  Recently she started posting topless pics of herself to her Twitter account 'because she was bored'.

Lindsay's not a trainwreck waiting to happen. She's one already happening in horrifying, drawn-out slow motion, and she and her parents are the only ones who haven't noticed yet.

You know, back in the golden age of Hollywood (I'm talking, like, 1940s here), when movie stars' careers dried up they did the decent thing. They conceded defeat and quietly left the business. For some reason a huge proportion of them seemed to move into real estate, but they also became schoolteachers, restaurateurs - anything rather than moping around the scene trying desperately to stay in the spotlight. Just a suggestion.


Bruno fever

Now here's someone I'm happy to see in the spotlight - even if his appearances are just as cringeworthy as La Lohan's (but for very different reasons). Sacha Baron Cohen is a busy man again, out promoting his new movie 'Bruno' around the world in a series of increasingly bizarre outfits.

I love how he insists on staying in character while he's promoting his films. I would have thought the hardest part would be not cracking up - until I read that in the interest of keeping in character, his Borat suit hasn't been washed in six years. Yecch.

You thought Bruno's stunt at the VMAs, landing with his 'kugelsack' in Eminem's face was risqué? In the last week he's been seen in spangly high-cut lederhosen, cropped shirts, hot pants with a studded codpiece... and even completely butt-nekkid on the cover of GQ.

The lawsuits have already started pouring in, of course, from people who were taken in by his flamingly camp character. And this week it was revealed that while filming in the Deep South, a bunch of hunters didn't take too well to his naked campfire dancing and pulled their guns on him.

You can read the world exclusive interview of 'Bruno' here (caution: contains spoilers).


Paris and Ronaldo: The new Posh and Becks?

He's an overly-oiled showpony who spends most of his time partying or poolside, with the occasional break to play a game of football. She's the wonky-eyed heiress famous for a sex tape and having to stage a TV show in order to attract a new BFF. And last week they hooked up not once, but twice while out on the town. Paris Hilton and Cristiano Ronaldo: a match made in heaven, no?

The Mirror quoted a clubber as saying, "Paris saw Ronaldo and immediately slithered past the dozens of women trying to get his attention. Then she climbed over one of his mates and planted herself next to him." Slithered! I love it.

He just broke up with girlfriend Nereida Gallardo. She just dumped Doug Reinhardt, whose rep promptly issued the following statement: "Doug refuses to take part of (sic) this ridiculous media circus. He wishes Paris and all of her future boyfriends the best of luck."

I'm torn. On one hand, I'd like to know WHY Reinhardt needs someone to speak to the press for him.  The guy is a former minor-league baseball player who was on five episodes of 'The Hills' last year - that's the sum total of his 'career'. But on the other hand - meow! Top marks for the bitchy, backhanded press release.

Anyway, apparently Paris is "really serious" about Ronaldo. You know, unlike every other guy she's ever hooked up with and got engaged to a month later, only to ditch a week after that. She's even hoping that now that she's nabbed herself a footballer, she'll be able to rival Victoria Beckham in the cool stakes.

So are Paris and Ronaldo destined to be together? I say if it keeps the pair of them off the market, they can have each other and welcome. She's already played rock star's girlfriend with Benji Madden until she tired of it; let's see her don Real Madrid's colours and pretend to be a WAG for a week or two. Ultimately, though, my guess is they're both too narcissistic to have to share the limelight and this fairytale romance will end with a screaming match over who's more famous and who used the last of the self-tanning lotion.


Spotted

Newly-single Katie Price partying hearty in Ibiza... Reese Witherspoon looking grumpy on set in Washington... Michael Jackson leaving a medical centre in leopard-print leggings... Miranda Kerr and other hotties posing topless for a Pirelli calendar... Miley Cyrus in a steamy scene with her latest co-star... Megan Fox rejecting a gawky teen with a rose at the London premiere of 'Transformers'... Kristen Stewart hanging with Joan Jett, who she's playing in upcoming film 'The Runaways'...