She's ditching family life this northern summer for the chance to spread her skinny wings in the nightclubs and boutiques of Los Angeles.

Freeeeedom!

Doctors have told husband David there's no reason he can't keep playing until he is 40 - another six years of Victoria playing second fiddle. And the fact that she doesn't even like football must be the final indignity. He's been flitting from Milan to Kazakhstan trying to prolong his England playing career, while she's been in LA with the kidlets.

Hence the ‘stressed-out' star is ‘hatching an escape plan.'

Although don't shed too many cold tears for Vic. Since David upped sticks at the beginning of the year she's hardly been at home chained to the stove. I've seen snaps of her out at Elton John's Oscar party, New York's prestigious Met Ball, at public appearances in New York, and flitting back and forth to visit the hubby in Italy every three weeks.

Beckham's back in LA for the Galaxy season from July, and Victoria wants to let her well-coiffed hair down. She wants a bit of time on the razzle dazzle away from the pressures of running a family single handedly.

"I want to lose control and do what I want while he holds the fort and supports me - whatever I want."

The mag's running snaps of her cutting loose with pal and several large glasses in the frame, having a merry old time and wearing a rather nasty lace top.

I never got how Victoria Beckham refuses to eat anything boasting beyond the calorie count of a rice wafer and the scent of an olive, but loves to hit the booze. She's so thin! Surely the fumes from a glass of chardonnay would knock her on her backside?

Or is that the point?

Surely someone that obsessed with her calorie intake would avoid drink like the plague?

Just sayin'.

I do admire her drive, although her description of her daily routine does sound rather glorified housewife.

"I run four miles a day, collect the kids, meditate and do my relaxation class and get on the phone to David's hotel to make sure he has everything he needs and everything's taken care of with transport, laundry, organisation."

He needs a trans-Atlantic laundry service? Or perhaps David's building has a hot laundry signorina she'd rather he didn't deal with directly.

Victoria continues to see her future in America - although Milan seems perfect for her. The tans! The designers! The Eurotrash!

And Becks isn't backing down in his praise of life in the Italian city.

In NI: "If you go to Milan, you never want to leave. The whole aura is very special. Of course, it's hard when a husband is on the other side of the world playing football. Victoria knows me and why I wanted to do it, and she knows how passionate I am. Of course, she protests. Every wife protests about certain things."

Susan Boyle is pretty much every mag this week after being admitted for a spell in London's Priory clinic. Read it if you're into her. I'm not.

You'll find details of her "off the scale" tanty after losing Britain's got Talent, how a wardrobe mix-up found the spinster "rushing down the corridor in her bra, hurling four-letter abuse," and in the NI a shot of that revealing shimmy shake she does that gives me the heebie jeebies.

New Zealand's Next Top Model special! An interview with winner Christobelle Grierson-Ryrie and her mother Josephine Grierson; one with runner-up Laura Scaife (tagline: ‘Sorry I was so bitchy!') and a quickie with third placed Hosanna Horsfall (‘I'm in shock! Why didn't they like me?')

New Idea flogs the three headed beast this week, leading with ‘Jen and Ange at War: Who will win Brad?' To be honest with you, think I'm almost past caring. Unless they did actually fight it out. Perhaps Gladiator style?

Basically, you know the score. It's the exotic-looking sexpot with an edge vs the aging all-American dream girl. He ditched one, knocked up the other, and now the mags are stuck in a constant dilly-dally between the two when it comes to the state of their respective relationships. Or lack of.

It's like a sodding ping-pong match, no? Except without the fun.

I'll say this: I'm sure life with Angie Jolie is slightly more complex than loud sex and glamorous red carpet appearances, but someone made their own extra-marital relationship bed. That said if Bradley Pitt's trying to worm his way back into the Aniston's good books I hope she uses that shred of dignity she has left and gives him what for.

Jessica Simpson's been oft written about in the mags as badgering her quarterback boyfriend Tony Romo for marriage and babies. But could she really have her eye on a fella from her past?

Jess and Jackass head honcho Johnny Knoxville were rumoured to have been getting it on while filming The Dukes of Hazzard four years ago, while both were still married. Now both divorced, the Texan singer and the professional prankster are reported in the NW to be constantly flirting by text.

"Jess has always carried a torch for Johnny," a source spills to the mag. "She'd dump Tony in a heartbeat if she thought he was interested."

Speaking of the Simpson sisters, a boozed-up Ashlee Simpson-Wentz lurched over to her husband's ex girlfriend, actress Michelle Trachtenberg, recently and told her in no uncertain terms that she and Pete had been sleeping together (although employing a cruder term) while he was dating Michelle.

Nice, Ashlee, nice. Papa Joe must be so proud.

Robyn Malcolm is in the Weekly on life as a mama to a rather more subdued family than the Wests - sons Charlie and Pete. She stays sane with family time and whatever means necessary to get her through a crisis.

"During tough times like that it's really just whatever works: Chocolate, Pilates, wine...a new pair of shoes."

A girl after my own heart.

Did you know she's 44! Damn she looks good for her age.

If you weren't sold already on Robyn's adoration of chocolate, vino and footwear, her love of gossip may be the clincher.

She says storytelling is a women's duty to society, and while it may be referred to as gossip, ‘actually it's about taking care of each other.'

"Women hold whole communities together through the art of story."

She's right! So don't hate if you find someone gossiping. Really they're just trying to keep society going.

I like this woman, and I don't even know her. Forget Melissa Lee, David Shearer et al. Vote Robyn Malcolm in Mt Albert this weekend!

Is a new baby on the way for the Family of the Thin Lips? Not from Vietnam anyway. An Aussie mag made a major boo-boo last week announcing the couple were on the verge of adopting a Vietnamese child, a story Kidman's publicist made the rare move of specifically denying.

The Weekly is leading with Nicole's ‘Battle for Baby,' which seems to consist of her wanting to get pregnant and starting to slide down the other side of her childbearing years.

Remember when she was pregnant the first time? Rumours went on for about a year and a half until they were eventually proved true. This time, though, time's not on Kidman's side.

Very aware of her 41 years, Nicole desperately wants daughter Sunday to have a sibling.

The actress did seem to have a little bump under an unforgiving satin-look dress she wore a few weeks ago in New York. But girlfriend is thin as a whippet. Half a dozen pieces of sushi probably gave her that bulge.

She did pull out of the upcoming Woody Allen movie, which the mag is using as an argument for a possible second pregnancy. Who pulls out of a Woody Allen movie? Kidman does have form, having pulled out of The Reader while pregnant with Sunday. Kate Winslet went on to win an Academy Award for her performance in the role.

Granted, in the comparison pictures the mag is running Kidman's face does look less pinchy in the ‘Now' pic, but that could be due to anything.

Speaking of babies, the Weekly is running the week's stupidest idea. And guess what? It involves Lindsay Lohan.

"Lindsay Lohan is looking into in-vitro fertilisation because she reckons a baby is the best way to win back her family focused ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson."

Gah! NW also reports that the starlet is doing her best to lose what's left of her dignity, moving her possessions out of Sam's LA home a handful at a time so she has a reason to keep going back there.

The NW leads this week with a cover tooting about ‘What Stars Really Look Like'. When I side-eyed it at the shop I really thought Susan Boyle was on the cover in a pair of white sunglasses. Turns out it was Kate Hudson. My bad.

Mariah Carey makes great gossip fodder, and her demands from her brief stay in Cannes a couple of weeks ago will have you chortling.

One: Regardless of how many people are around, she employs a bevy of bodyguards to walk around her shouting ‘Miss Carey is coming through! Make way for Mariah!"

Two : Mimi demands a chauffeur driven Merc for her dog.

And don't forget going heavy on the Hello Kitty! Carey must be surrounded by the kitsch kitty cats everywhere she goes.

"Her world is exactly the one a 12-year-old girl would want if she had unlimited funds at her disposal," says a source.

She's getting good buzz for her part in the new movie Precious in which she plays a decidedly unglamorous social worker.

And nary a toyboy husband or Hello Kitty accessory to be found.

Watch the trailer for Precious here.

Miranda Kerr may be a supermodel, but she's in a constant state of vigilance when it comes to the upkeep of her famous form. In line for attention? Her hands and feet.

"She's constantly worried that Orlando is going to see that her hands aren't perfect and thinks he's not going to be turned on by her."

Love, I wouldn't worry about it. You're a supermodel. And from what I can see he can only grow three whiskers at a time.

Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou's brand new son is called Kenzo. See
Mel B's CRAZY abs in the NI. Richie McCaw and Hayley Holt are out on a rare weekend in Auckland in the Day. There are pics of Jerry O'Connell rocking a Speedo in Arizona...and not looking too shabby doing it. Jennifer Hudson, looking so pregnant, flossing her teeth on the street! (ewwww.)

And Tori Spelling's mutated bosoms are snapped in full effect in the Day. Money can't buy you love - or a passable boob job, it seems.

And that's all from the mags this week!

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