Yes, yes, these two again.

Now you could stake your nana on the fact that this isn't true, so let's investigate the angle taken.

The mag reports that after many a cloak-and-dagger style phone call, Brad and his ex-wife met up in New York recently. The mag reports on April 23 the pair picked up some coffee and were driven in a chauffeured limo around Manhattan.

Their clandestine meeting was ‘carefully planned to the last detail' and the pair discussed everything from adoption to ‘Brad's unhappiness in his relationship with Angelina Jolie.'

"She truly believes he's her soul mate and best friend," reports the mag, while the rest of us roll our eyes and think if this is true she really needs a large dose of Get Over It, stat.

In fact, make it a double.

I highly doubt this. You?

If Angelina knew that Brad was making face to face time with Jen she would tear off his testicles and serve them back to him flambé-style, on a bed of fury with a side of unbridled wrath.

We all know who wears the pants in that relationship, and it's not him.

Even if they did get back together, Jen is dreaming if she thinks they'd ever have the same life back. Being a part-time daddy to six kids would definitely kill that rich-movie-star-at-play vibe. And I imagine having to look after Angelina's kids would go down with the Aniston like a warm fish milkshake.

The Weekly also runs the story but says Brad drove Aniston round NY in his black SUV, as does the Day.

The Weekly also reports that Princess Diana's biographer Andrew Morton is writing a book about none other than St Angie herself.

It, apparently, is "set to reveal that Ange cheated on Brad with a famous female rock star, lost two or three babies when she was younger and schemed to lure the heartthrob away from Jen."

A rock star, eh? Let's have your guesses below. Don't think she'd touch Courtney Love with a barge pole. Ditto Beth Ditto. Pink? Joan Jett?

NW reports Angie's making plans for life as a single mother as she prepares to ditch Brad, while adding that an American blogger reports that Brad began to think Jennifer was a lesbian towards the end of their marriage.

"Brad likes to have sex a lot and Jennifer never wanted to sleep with him. He started to speculate that she was gay, though he never caught her with another woman or anything like that."

Is Natalie Portman the reason for Sean Penn's divorce? This rumour floated just after Oscar time with reports that the pair, who were both on the jury at last year's Cannes Film Festival, were busted getting hot and heavy at an LA-area hotel not that long after this year's Academy Awards.

‘She stimulates him in ways no other person has, mentally or professionally. There's a lot more there with Natalie than any of the other girls Sean's been with."

Although I wouldn't say no to a bit of Sean Penn, I think he's done rather well for himself in this regard. Natalie Portman is gorgeous! But I do feel for his long, long-suffering missus.

Speaking of Natalie, the star also pops up in the NW in a rather curious context. The Curious Case of Natalie Portman. Or, rather, The Curious Case of Natalie Portman as Seen Through Lindsay Lohan's Delusional Brain.

Her name pops up in the mag's story on Lindsay Lohan's shrinking figure, which the NW blames on the fading star's constant use of ADD drug Adderall.

"Health experts warn that Adderall, even when taken as prescribed, can cause serious depression and psychotic episodes, which may explain Lindsay's recent bouts of erratic behaviour."

Recent? She's been riding on the train to Crazy for a couple of years now.

Anyway, in a recent interview with Ellen DeGeneres - Hollywood's gay godmother - Lindsay wanted to shout out to all her friends that had been offering support through her recent troubles.

"I have some really great friends," she told Ellen. "Natalie Portman's been there for me through everything."

How sweet! Except that Natalie Portman reportedly doesn't know Lindsay Lohan from Adam.

NW leads with some down in the dumps pics of Victoria Beckham and Nicole Richie and the headline ‘Posh & Nicole: Betrayed by their lovers.'

Almost everyone is running this story based on the tales of Hungarian model Mariann Fograssy, who met David Beckham after an AC Milan game in her homeland. She's pretty. She's curvy. She's got a liberal approach to getting her kit off.

And he's got form when the wife's away.

Can I just say I never got shouted at as much as when I went to Hungary? All the people I met were A-grade meanies.

But onwards!

Mariann Fograssy says Becks has been sending her ‘private party' invites since their initial meeting.

"I put my business card in his pocket," says the model.

(Models have business cards?)

"I knew he must have felt it. In fact, an email arrived today, saying that just in case I'd be in Milan next week, I'm invited to the club's party. Luckily, I'll be shooting in Milan next week."

Cue photo of the pair together. The model looks delighted with herself. Beckham looks rather shell-shocked, but I'd put that down to him having not much more than a few moths and a tumbleweed rattling round upstairs.

Harsh? Happily, his looks more than make up for it.

They also show a shot of Posh, normally draped in adoration across her hunky husband, giving him the death evils on a recent night out together.

The news comes amidst reports that Posh has cancelled the lavish bash planned for their 10th wedding anniversary in July, amidst claims that ‘David still really doesn't understand why Victoria won't move to Milan to keep their family together.'

"It's her worst nightmare," admits one of Victoria's pals.

In good news, her hair is looking great!

Meanwhile, the mag reports Joel Madden was snapped having a merry old time with British TV presenter Kirsty Gallacher at a poker tournament in Monte Carlo.

Kirsty Gallacher is in a relationship with a hunky former rugby player Paul Sampson, with whom she has a young son. And to be fair in the photo of her and Joel together she couldn't look less interested.

And he needs to ditch the bleached hairdo. His missus is a style icon and that's how he leaves the house?

For shame.

The Day reports that Auckland bar owner Luke Dallow has a bit of a thing for Susan Boyle. The article is accompanied by a picture of Boyle jazzed up to the nines, eyebrows freshly waxed, sateen shirt gaping around the gut - and her fly open on a pair of unflattering cream jeans.

Dallow has a framed photo of Boyle behind the bar at his Sale St drinking hole, and has emailed the singer to say he'll pay her return fares to New Zealand if she'll come and sing at the establishment.

He's even designed her a cocktail! The Susan Boyle boasts vodka, cranberry, wild rhubarb, cranberry and mixed berry juice. Add a decent splash of naivety, and you're good to go.

"You shouldn't judge a book by its cover," says Dallow. "People get stuck into shallowness and I can't stand it."

A couple of paragraphs down, he admits Susan's bushy eyebrows "don't really do it for me."

To Kirstie Alley, who went on Oprah recently to reveal she has put back on all of the 35kg she lost on Jenny Craig, and then some.

The Weekly calls it an ‘obesity odyssey.'

These days, the former star of Cheers rarely leaves the house, plots against her arch enemy, butter, and talks about wanting to whip herself for her lack of self control.

Maybe she's just not meant to be thin?

Her goal is to lose all the weight she put on so she can get back into a bikini at the beach next year. No offence, but I don't think I want to see a 58-year-old in a bikini anyway - fat or not.

"The Kentucky Fried came home to roost," she cracks. "Where? On my freaking hips."

Squee! The Weekly leads this week with a story on All Black Joe Rockocoko, wife Beverly and lovely new baby Cypress. So cute! And no, I'm not fishing for rugby tickets.

Cindy Crawford's husband: does he have busy hands? A couple of waitresses who used to be in his employ say ‘hell yes!' And his name is Rande!

The irony.

Question: Why would you need to hit on waitresses when you're married to Cindy Crawford?

One of the pair, who worked at Rande's San Diego bar, says the nightclub owner ‘attempted to kiss her three times during the night, then put his hand up her dress in between her legs in an attempt to feel her crotch."

Pal George Clooney has jumped to his defence. I'll keep you posted.

Paula Abdul has finally confirmed what everyone in the gossip world always knew and admitted she had a long term addiction to prescription painkillers.

After a car crash, a plane crash and numerous dancing injuries, Paula realized she couldn't quit the meds that had been making her pain bearable.

She says getting clean in rehab was so horrendous that "I could have killed myself," and claims that she had to wear a medication patch with a drug dose ‘80 times more potent that morphine."

On withdrawal: "I was freezing cold, then sweating hot, then chattering and in so much pain. It was excruciating. But at my very core, I didn't like existing the way I had been."

She has since denied the entire interview, and has gone back to saying she's never even been drunk, let alone hooked on pills.

Can't decide? Watch this.

Sigh! I'm a bit sleepy this afternoon anyway and Woman's Day leading with Kate Middleton on its cover isn't helping matters. She's like a warm bath and a glass of hot milk to me.

This week, Waity Katey is miffed because she's been asked to move out of boyfriend William's cottage so his brother can move in. ‘Advisors' reckon it's better than him getting a place of his own.

Royal author Robert Jobson: "Now that Harry has split from his girlfriend Chelsy Davy, he is enjoying himself to the full and you can bet he will be encouraging William to do the same."

Bizarrely, the author believes Prince Charles also has his reasons for delaying a royal engagement.

"He and the Duchess of Cornwall will suddenly look old and irrelevant, so it's not in their interests for William to marry just yet."

They'll suddenly look old and irrelevant? Hee.

Finally, former Shortland Street star Stephanie Tauevihi tells the Weekly how Jade Goody's sad story inspired her to go for her first smear test in 15 years.

While there, the nurse attempted to put Stephanie at ease.

"She was asking me about when I filmed the TV One show Intrepid Journeys and all the time she was going on a bit of an intrepid journey of her own down there!"

To infinity and beyond!

And that's all from the mags this week.

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