The 28-year-old Texas native, failed country star, bad actress and footballer's missus looks beautiful, if airbrushed to billy-o and back, on the mag's cover - but her good looks aren't in question. Her relevance is. It seems a long time ago that Jessica was named No. 44 on Forbes' list of the hundred most powerful celebrities in showbiz.

Will Jessica sell magazines in this market?

Think of Vanity Fair's previous cover stars over the past year. Barack Obama - President of the United States. Madonna - world's most famous pop star. Gisele Bundchen - world's highest paid supermodel.

The mag would never have taken the tone with them that it has with Simpson. While she's given plenty of opportunity to speak for herself, the cover story almost seems to be taking the mick.

Their tagline: "Jessica Simpson pulls off the mom jeans and fights back."

In fact, the entire article by Rich Cohen, while sympathetic and at times complimentary to the star, takes the piss in a way not usually employed by the feature writers of high-end glossies.

He refers to her as being as the ‘crossroads of obscurity and reinvention,' mentions ‘a cascade of career setbacks' and calls her out on her ‘two movie duds.' (One of which only made $1,771 at the US box office).

How did she land this cover? Granted, Jessica Simpson is wealthy (she reportedly makes a packet from her Jessica Simpson clothing line, on sale in US department stores), undoubtedly good looking and mildly (if debatably) talented.

But she is not relevant.

And she's photographed by legendary snapper Mario Testino to boot! Is Papa Joe blackmailing someone at the mag?

I am not trying to be nasty. It comes naturally. Seriously! There's something inherently likeable about Jessica, I'm just wondering who would give the okay for her to grace the cover of one of America's fanciest magazines.

But she's nothing if not resilient.

On those unflattering pictures: "There have been danger signs. First, the sudden weight gain, as evidenced by pictures that turned up in the tabloids earlier this year showing the starlet, onstage, looking less than slender, holding the microphone like a turkey leg, and wearing what were described everywhere as "mom jeans."

On her acting talent: "One problem with Simpson's movies, especially those she's been asked to carry, is her acting, which is not very good. As an actress, she's slightly less skillful than the actress who replaced Suzanne Somers on Three's Company."

On getting married young:"It was all I ever wanted. Go to college, get married, and have babies. It was my way of thinking. At 16, every boyfriend I had I was going to marry."

On being referred to as the ‘Yoko Romo' of the Cowboys NFL team: "Dating the Cowboys quarterback (Jess' boyfriend Tony Romo) always comes with hype, the fans, the bloggers, but I've never dated a guy that was more simple. I'm always there for him after a game, and he knows he has me to come home to."

He's a vast improvement on John Mayer, at any rate.

Pink hits back at bisexual claim

Pink's publicity team is lashing out at claims made in the showbiz column of last Sunday's issue of my favourite English tabloid, News of the World.

The paper's showbiz editor, Kiwi Dan Wootton (who made headlines here last year after taking over the prestigious position at the tender age of 25), broke a story saying that the singer had finally admitted to her bisexuality.

In the column Celeb XS, accompanied by a pic of Pink and Wootton posing happily together, Wootton quoted the singer as saying she could as easily be in a relationship with a woman as a man.

It would actually be a really good interview, with direct quotes from the singer, who recently reconciled with estranged husband Carey Hart after a year apart.

"Love is pure and I try to keep it that way. This is who I am, what I feel.

"I think it's unnecessary to draw the subject out, but I think it even more stupid not to discuss it.

"It seems as if bisexuality is a trend and I should whip up the masses. Well, I don't believe in trends, I just believe in me."

Eloquent, honest, and to the point. Sure sounds like Pink. But the singer herself had a bit to say when she took to Twitter later on Sunday.

‘i just read that im bisexual. So 1991. good thing people write articles about me so I can get my facts str8. I mean straight. Read on people.'

‘cant WAIT for the day when people stop talking about sexual preference or that a woman is a CEO and actually start making the world LIVEABLE'

For the record, Pink's reps say all the quotes in the interview were ‘entirely fabricated.'

If it was most other celebs I would immediately assume the rep was telling porky pies. But Pink is definitely not the kind of girl who'd shy away from any sort of statement like that were it true.

One night in fashion's spotlight

So the Oscars of fashion have been and gone for another year, but was the New York Met Ball worth all the hype? Co-hosted each year by legendary American Vogue editor Anna Wintour, this year she was joined by Marc Jacobs, Kate Moss and Justin Timberlake with the theme of ‘Models as Muse: Embodying Fashion.'

New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art boasts a special section, the Costume Institute, but it is not a permanent fixture. Twice a year the Institute displays shows focused around a specific theme, and these are what attract the galaxy of stars from the worlds of entertainment and fashion.

Click here for our gallery of gowns from the event

Madonna's outfit was the one all over the media the next day, and I must say I wasn't really surprised.

She may have looked like some kind of couture courtier in that puffball skirt, thigh-high dominatrix boots and bizarre headdress, but since when has Madonna of all people wanted to be a people pleaser?

She has, however, always wanted to be the centre of attention - and she totally got that in her Louis Vuitton outfit.

It may not have been popular, but everyone was talking about it.

It may be the fashion world's highest profile celebrity event, but it's not entirely like the Oscars. It's an opportunity for the haute couture, the outlandish, the dramatic and the daring to make an appearance on the red carpet. Safe is boring here.

Sure, you wouldn't wear Kate Moss' silver toga mini and matching turban out on the town, but that's not the point of the night, is it?

Summed up thus!

Firstly, one of the earliest shots we got through at the office was Heidi Klum in her huge J Mendel dress, and I think she looked divine! It was a gown in the true sense of the word, and apparently took over a month to make. Mind you, I always seem to like her red carpet choices.

Reaction was mixed to Mary Kate Olsen's country couture by Christian Lacroix, but I liked it. It looked fab on her and it was different to what everyone else was sporting, so surely that's the point? But Mary Kate is known for her sharp style sense. Was it a smidge predictable for someone on the cutting edge of fashion?

Kate Hudson, Liv Tyler and Stella McCartney walked the red carpet together, all wearing Stella's designs. The three are long-term pals, all yummy mummies, and have a lot in common - having grown up as daughters of celebrities. Another of their crew is Gwyneth Paltrow, presumably busy filming Iron Man 2 in Los Angeles.

I love Kate Hudson's sunny attitude and carefree vibe. I don't love her choice of very average movies over and over again, but that's a different kettle of fish. She wears gold a lot, but it seems to work on her.

Liv Tyler - love her! Looked so elegant.

The trio was joined on the carpet by Kate Bosworth, well regarded in the biz as a fashion plate, and also wearing Stella's designs. Her bright lips and thirties style waved hair was gorgeous!

Diane Kruger was classic and chic in Chanel, and with boyfriend Joshua Jackson formed one of the chicest couples of the night.

Versace was a common theme, but apart from Claudia Schiffer's 80s inspired gown the rest of it looked rather shiny and tacky. Or is that the crux of Versace in the first place? Cindy Crawford? Tight and a bit look-at-me. Gisele Bundchen, short, shiny, bleh (but you could wear anything if you had those amazing legs!)

Blake Lively's was the one of the best Versace - it showed off her great body, but it didn't stick in your mind.

Jessica Biel's flamenco-style red gown? Meh. For having a boyfriend who runs his own fashion label, she never seems to quite get it right. I liked her makeup, though.

Ugh, Elizabeth Hurley. My dislike for the woman is already well known, but she is so out of fashion. In this sort of circle she's almost irrelevant, backed by the photos which came through from our image server incorrectly spelling her husband's name ‘Arun Naya'.

Granted, she didn't wear the normal cleavage bearing, slit to the thigh number she normally dons, but this just didn't work. Or am I blinded by my aversion to her? Ditto Kate Beckinsale. I think she's gorgeous, but she's guilty of continually overdressing, and this frou-frou gown looks like something she'd don to a midweek Hollywood movie screening.

Victoria Beckham was an improvement on last year's where I wrote she turned up looking like ‘a dried up New York 1950s socialite whose body mass is composed entirely of gin martinis and inhaled Chihuahua hair.'

And I do love her Marc Jacobs for Vuitton heels - but I am a shameless shoe whore. She was very tangerine, and posing like her little life depended on it. I'm surprised she didn't burst a blood vessel. How I would have liked to see a picture of the two hardest posers in the biz, Victoria and Renee Zellweger, together.

Her Marc Jacobs mini wrap dress with cape was nice enough, but I think it would've looked more striking on someone taller. Charlize Theron, perhaps?

I am definitely not a style plate. My fashion sense has much to be critiqued on. I wear gym pants around the house all day sometimes. I would go out in my PJ pants if it wasn't for the social scorn. I have never quite mastered the skinny jean, but I DO have eyes.

Have a look at our photo gallery and tell me who looked awesome, and who was an abomination below.

In Brief

Is Gisele Bundchen pregnant almost three months after her wedding to quarterback husband Tom Brady? A bun is in the oven if the New York gossip pages are to be believed. The leggy supermodel and the Patriots footballer were spotted in Manhattan leaving the offices of a chi-chi private gynaecologist, and the baby rumours commenced! For the record, her reps won't comment.

I'll leave you with the celebrity quote of the week - it being Mother's Day on Sunday and all.

"If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds."

Shia LaBeouf sings the praises of his mum, Shayna.

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Spotted

Lindsay Lohan falling out of a nightclub in Montreal, Canada...Jennifer Garner out in Washington DC with her mother, Pat...Rachel Hunter in the lobby of Miami's Fountainebleau Resort...Sacha Baron Cohan sitting courtside as the Lakers took on the Houston Rockets in LA...A face-mask wearing Eminem on the streets of Paris...Courteney Cox Arquette and husband David chatting to Brad Pitt at Chris Cornell's recent gig in LA...Kate Moss rapping with Kanye West at a Met Ball after-party in NYC...Hugh Jackman posing for pictures with fans out side his Copacabana Beach hotel in Rio de Janeiro...