I've done the Crème Egg part at any rate. Are you over them yet? Me neither.

So what did we miss? And did you actually yearn for the Jolie-Pitts at all? Really, there was nowt else apart from that Nannygate flare up and the regular rotation of adoption, pregnancy, breakup rumours. Angelina wore several unimpressive wigs. That is all.

And this week's no exception, with the Woman's Day leading with a report from US tabloid rag Star that Angelina is pregnant with her seventh child - her fourth bio baby.

Snort! 

Twinnies Knox and Viv were only born in July, a mere nine months ago, but the Day reckons Angie's already two and a half months gone. And apparently the pair have been trying to conceive for months - when they've not been rubbing the nanny's back and scratching each other's eyes out, apparently.

And only nine months since a double delivery! Sheesh. Take it easy, baby lovers. Even the most rampant amongst you must think that's rather full on. I know Angie can have eleventy thousand kids if she wants. At least she can afford it. But sure, who am I to quibble about what a rich, slightly deluded woman does with her womb?

I would take this one with a large tablespoon of salt.

Angelina should take a cue from those Duggars with the 18 kids, and start naming hers in the same theme. She's already got the three boys ending in ‘x'. Might I suggest Asterix, Obelix, Getafix, and (my old favourite) Unhygenix?

I love Asterix books. Can I get an amen?

All-knowing Angie should know that a band-aid baby never works. Just look at the Beckhams! Oh, wait...

New Idea also runs the story but with much less fanfare, which I kind of understand. How many times have we heard this anyway? Same source, same basic story. Fights, surprise, blahblah.

NI also says the couple haven't told the other six kids. But they'd let a bottom-feeding rag find out? Puh-lease. Angie and Brad have their business locked up tight. They're seen when they want to be seen.

NW takes a different tack, putting the couple on its cover with tales of how Angelina bullies her lover.

Since the couple hooked up in 2005 the mag reports Brad's allowed no more weed, no more big nights out, and no more male bonding. Sad times!

Somewhere George Clooney is out there laughing his ass off.

Apparently it was bad times all round when Brad decided to stand up for himself, and the lawyers have been called in! The mag reports he has to ask her permission to do anything apart from take the kids out.

So one of these stories is not like the other, and they can't both be right - or can they? I spose Angelina could be a pregnant tyrant. And Brad could be a wussy daddy to be.

As always, believe what you will!

To the Gibsons! (For some reason I am singing that to the tune of The Simpsons. The Day reports that snaps of her hubby on a Costa Rican beach with some bird were the final straw for Robyn Gibson, who was prompted to officially send Mel a one-way ticket to Dumpsvile.

Mel, apparently, is totally against divorce as part of his hard-line Catholic faith. But not against adultery? Sounds like party mix Catholicism to me. Pick and choose.

But Robyn means business, and Mrs Gibson has hired hard-ass divorce lawyer Laura Wasser, who's also repped Britney Spears and Angelina Jolie. And since the pair signed no pre-nup before their 28-year marriage, Robyn is in for some serious money. Almost NZ$800 million, in fact.

"If he gets a residual cheque for Lethal Weapon or Braveheart, half of that cheque is hers," says the mag.

But let's face it, she's put in the hard yards. Almost thirty years and seven kids is the marathon of marriage events.

NI have a rather juicy spin on the Gibson divorce, saying that Mel's seven kids have turned against him due to his treatment of their mama.

"The kids hate how he's cold-hearted and disrespectful to their mother. They're so furious that they pushed Robyn to leave him, although she fought divorce at first because of her deep religious views."

New Idea leads this week with a woman who doesn't often grace the cover of a gossip mag - actress Christina Applegate - and her fall, in their words, ‘from hero to zero.'

Why?

Turns out Christina's been snapped smoking in LA after last year's breast cancer diagnosis and preventative double mastectomy.

Apparently the actress is trying to quit the cigs, but hasn't managed yet.

Call me naïve, but could we give the girl a break? Obviously smoking isn't the best idea when you've just kicked cancer. But she's just had cancer - a pretty stressful experience in itself. And she is trying to quit.

Anyway, Patrick Swayze's still smoking and he looks like he's got a dinner party date with death. How come he's not getting the big tut-tut?

Is Demi Moore jealous of her hubby's latest co-star, Katherine Heigl? Ashton and Katie Heigl are making the movie Five Killers in Nice, France. Sounds good, right? Wrong. Maybe you shouldn't judge a movie by its title, but I just did.

Anyways, Demi's been lurking round the set to hang with her hubby, but the NW believes it's to keep an eye on the co-stars, who are reported to get along famously.

Hmm, Demi hasn't Tweeted any such thing, and that woman sends a Tweet when she changes the loo roll.

NW also has the blow-by-blow interview with Lindsay Lohan from last week after her much-publicised break-up with Sam Ronson.

"They're making me sound like I'm crazy...I'm the girl that wakes up to feed the dog."

Right! Because only sane people feed animals. Has she never heard of crazy cat ladies?

Only a week after Suri Cruise's third birthday bash with a price tag of hundreds of thousands of dollars, Tom and Katie are making her work hard for the investment! The superstar pair have dropped $1.7 mil on her education (she's three!) and she's about to be put on the Scientology special, a ‘low-carb, low-sodium and low-sugar organic diet' demanded by her school.

"It doesn't matter what she's doing, he wants her to be able to do it better than any other child...All parents think their kids are special, but Tom and Katie firmly believe Suri is gifted."

Suri currently studies ballet, tap, art, Spanish and French, with piano and violin to come. She has a personal trainer and football lessons. And, rumour has it, even a Pilates instructor. Pilates! I can't do Pilates properly, and I'm pushing thirty!

NW runs ‘101 star diet tips' this week - but of course, you know they all get those amazing bodies from little more than eating their veggies and walking the dog, right?

Banning all carbs seems popular. As does an awful lot of cardio. Eating only half your meal seems normal amongst these twiglet women. Reese Witherspoon snacks on baby food. Kim Cattrall says eat dark chocolate. Rachel McAdams drinks maple syrup.

If Christie Brinkley feels like a sweet treat, she eats a sweet potato instead of chocolate or lollies, while Claudia Schiffer's whole day consists of fruit, salad and vegetables.

Imagine!

‘Mmm, I feel like chocolate. Oh wait, I'll just gnaw on this delicious kumara instead. Satisfying! I'll hardly notice the difference.'

Suckers! You're just leaving more delicious things for the rest of us.

Supermodels exist to make us regular women weep and curse at their genetic good fortune, but word is even they have their off days.

Says forty-five-year-old Elle Macpherson: "I'm not as wiry as I used to be and I definitely need to work on toning my stomach and my legs."

In delightful comparison, may I present Helen Christensen in the Weekly.

"Apart from my family, food is the most important thing is my life. I often dream of being inside a bakery and eating my way through the shelves of cakes filled with cream and jam."

The Weekly leads this week with the round wine biscuit in the sampler box of gossip subjects - Kate Middleton. ‘Running Scared: Kate In Hiding!'

Word is Kate's been attempting to keep ‘a very low profile while she waits for her prince.'

Nevertheless, various meanies are still having a dig at the merchandise being sold by her parents' children's party business. "Given that there's a picture of Kate on the site's home page, promoting princess-related tat does smack of taking advantage."

In other news, the potential princess in waiting is allergic to horses! Uh-oh. The official term is ‘equine allergic', and it means she can't get up close and personal with any horse, donkey or mule.

Fail! Surely that renders her ineligible for royalty right then and there.

And more concerningly, what will Kate do if she ends up sitting next to Princess Anne at the dinner table?

A story in the NW which promised to be juicy like a watermelon turned out rather dry, like a banana. The mag has an interview with Madonna's Aussie nanny, Angela Jacobsen, who resigned and then got the push before she could work out her notice.

The Melbourne born 29-year-old was told she got the boot because Madonna's kids are growing up bilingual and the Aussie girl ‘didn't speak French.'

French-speaking or not, sounds like she's still able to kiss the ex-boss' age-defying behind.

"The first time I met her I was struck by how incredibly funny and incredibly beautiful she is."

Apparently "she won't miss the macrobiotic diet all of Madonna's employees are expected to follow and the regular trips to Kabbalah centres around the world."

Yeah I bet not. I reckon the first thing Angela did when she broke free of Madge's clutches was eat a cheeseburger, suck down a couple of full-sugar Cokes and dirty her eyes with reality TV.

Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!

In the week's brief news, Harlow Madden has personalised underpants! Melanie Griffith's in the New Idea dressed like a Spanish gangster's widow from the 1940s! Pam Anderson's rumoured to be tying the knot with trailer park boyfriend, Evan Rachel Wood back together with ex-boyfriend Marilyn Manson, and Pete Wentz is frolicking with strippers in the NW.

It's been months now and I still think Bronx Mowgli is the worst celeb baby name ever. You?

And that's all from the mags this week!

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