'Being in hell' is a subjective term. For some people it would be listening to James Blunt all day. For others it would be subjection to a cricket game. And the obvious - war, hunger, disease, you get my drift.

NW knows exactly what would cause females celebs to break out in a cold sweat. 'Celeb Body Hell!' the mag declares - apparently it's panic stations for Jennifer Lopez and Christina Aguilera, both of whom are waiting for baby. All the steamed greens and Pilates in the world won't matter if your baby to be decides its purpose in utero is to get rid of all your muscle tone and spread your backside to the width of the southern motorway.

While Christina, despite the addition of a couple of chins late in her pregnancy, is one of those lucky birds who will snap back into shape as soon as the baby is gone, Jennifer looks like one of us mere mortals who will have to move our arses to get rid of the baby weight. She'll get her body back though. Her iron-clad discipline and dedication to exercise is legendary, so why not just roll with it?

Lopez believes her on-stage dancing is the only thing keeping her from packing on the pounds. Worrying about your weight while pregnant is so lame! Have another cookie Jenny, and don't worry about it. If the pair of them are self-conscious about their bodies now they'll both be spewing if they see photos of actress Isla Fisher, back in hit shape after the birth of her baby, Olive, not even two months ago.

Isla and fiance Sasha Baron Cohen are also in the New Idea with photos of their gorgeous baby girl in LA, in some perfectly polished pics which smack of a photo op. But would the man behind Borat do such a thing?

How has Oprah got the knack for dredging up scandal as she gets older? I know a few weeks ago I declared myself a No Go Zone as far as Oprah gossip goes, but like a friendly stray cat or a particularly resilient strain of chlamydia, she just won't go away.

"Oprah is ruining my marriage!" trumpets the Woman's Day, amid tales that the closeness between the Big O and Dr Phil is not going down to well with his missus. When Oprah hollers apparently Phil comes a-runnin', and Mrs Dr Phil is none too pleased about it.

New Idea is the biggest champion of St Oprah of Winfrey, and the mags says far from ruining Dr Phil's relationship, she's heating things up with the media mogul's handbag, Stedman. Heading off to your own $15m Hawaiian pad must make things a bit easier to bear.

Adine and Jeff Wilson are having a sporting superbaby! The Silver Ferns captain made the happy announcement that she was 14 weeks in the family way after the Netball World Champs finished last week.

If it had happened three weeks earlier, she may not have been able to play, which meant their accidental timing couldn't have worked out better. The Weekly has the inside running on how our First Sporting Couple found out they were going to be parents. Congratulations, you two! No doubt your baby to be will be blonde, blue eyed, and good with balls.

Ryan Phillipe isn't a happy camper since his Oscar-winning ex has found (fake) love with Jake Gyllenhaal. Times are hard, Ryan. Would this have anything to do with the fact that Jake is younger, hotter, and has a better career than you?

It's a given that movie stars are going to be quite vain. But in a case of throwing the toys from the pram, Tommy Girl Cruise had a complete hissy fit when a pap photos of him emerged in a fat suit and bald wig on the set of the new Ben Stiller flick, Tropic Thunder. Not too pleased with looking less than dreamy, Tom tried to get the photo banned. Er, everyone knows you're dressed up for work, you douche. You may be losing the hotness, but no one would have mistaken that for the real thing.

And say it ain't so to the rumours that Cruise is the frontrunner to play Hef in the biopic of the Playboy founder's life. Hef would never allow such a thing!

Is Angelina Jolie a fan of the surgeon's scalpel? Although she doesn't really seem the type, I don't know how else you'd explain the before and after in the boobage and nose departments. "The only way to achieve this (breast) size while being so thin is with surgery," says the Woman's Day's surgeon expert. Let's hope she's not going down the Posh Spice route.

Is Ali Lohan 13 going on 30? Lindsay's little sis also has the rumour mills wagging with news of a possible nose job, puffy lips and a full face of sexy makeup in promo shots for her mother's reality show. Uh oh. This girl is going to be trouble with a capital T, mark my words.

You know I'm not one to freely say anything nice about Paris Hilton, but she's in the NW having put on some pounds, and, despite her shoddy outfit, it really suits her. "She doesn't care what other people say at all," says the mag's source. "She loves herself whatever size she is - she loves herself fullstop."

They also get my prize for headline of the week: 'Paris Helps Drunken Elephants.'

Celine Dion's smoked the weed, people! The irritating Canadian chanteuse is, admittedly, not quite in Snoop Dogg territory when it comes to blazing up, but admits in the Weekly that she had a little toke when on tour in Amsterdam a few years ago. Relax, fans. She didn't enjoy it.

Do Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo even have jobs anymore? They don't seem to do anything but holiday on one exotic beach after another. Drinking in the surf, bombing off luxury launches, spending Jessica Simpson's money...I sound like I'm jealous. OK, I am jealous, but all the recreation time hasn't done good things to Nick's once hot-ish bod.

NW says JT and Jessica Biel are over - funny since they're gallivanting their way all round Auckland together as I type.

And that's all from the mags this week!