No, not a conscience. A shamef**k.

So what exactly is the shamef**k?

(Hereby known as a shame-shag for matter of publishing decency.)

It's an unjustifiable crush on a celebrity figure whom you inexplicably fancy, but for various reasons are rather ashamed to admit that you do.

You may have offbeat taste when it comes to a celebrity crush. That's not what a shame-shag is. A shame-shag is the fella (or lady) that you lust after but makes you cringe at the same time. They're hot, but revolting. There'd be a chance you'd get up to some hanky panky with them should the opportunity ever arise, but you'd never tell your mates.

Okay, maybe you would.

A shame-shag is not someone you really fancy that not everyone does. I fancy the pants off Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age, but that's not a shame-shag because I admit it, loud and proud!

(Homme, the chances of you reading this are slim to none but if you do, call me.)

Believe me, there are no Brad Pitts or George Clooneys or Justin Timberlakes on this list.

So I took the question to the streets (well, the keyboards) of some astute Kiwi women and put the question to them. Who, exactly, is your secret shame-shag?

Two words led the pack: Russell. Brand.

An early frontrunner became obvious after a bit of amateur Facebook research a couple of months ago. I'm not alone in having a soft spot for British comedian Russell Brand, one man who seemed to crop up an inordinate amount when it came to the shame-shag.

It can clearly be stated that Russell Brand is certainly not the type of fella I'd go for in real life. If you put a picture of The Husband next to the big-haired funnyman there would most certainly not be many similarities. But the shame-shag cannot be explained. It wants what it wants.

I would normally never find a man who wears ruched leggings and a frilly blouse and a large amount of eyeliner around the place attractive, but there's something about the Brand. He looks like he'd get up to mischief, and you'd be happy to let him!

It does explain how Rusty managed to introduce himself, make small talk and make out with a fellow passenger while waiting for a ferry in Sydney a couple of weeks ago - within an hour. And in broad daylight.

Don't believe me? Click here

Watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall and tell me you didn't take your eye off him all the time he was on screen. See?

Another one of mine, Welsh actor Rhys Ifans, also subscribes to the long, lanky, thoroughly unwashed school of personal appearance. Yes, the star of Notting Hill could do with a new wardrobe and looks like he's in need of a good scrubbing, but I don't care. He looks like he smells of a combination of pub carpet, perspiration, roll your owns and toe cheese, but I don't care. He dated Sienna Miller, and I still don't care!

It must be shame-shag love.

I wasn't alone in my love of the manky rocker. Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, came up. As did some of the boys who love to rock the contents of the makeup bag - Dennis Rodman, Dave Navarro, Robert Smith and Marilyn Manson.

Dave Navarro I can understand. Even Robert Smith back in the day. But Marilyn Manson?? Missus, you are on your own.

On the other side of the musical divide, Snoop Dogg got a shout out from a girl who "just thought he sounded cool."

But not everyone goes for the lanky, unwashed look. One of my respondents (all names are not being used to protect the guilty!) fancies Sean of the Dead's Nick Frost and Ricky Gervais, because "I have a pervy thing about big bellies. And NO, my Dad is slim."

Another fancies burly actor Vincent D'Onofrio, referring to him as "a delicious slab of chunky delight."

If the celebrity world was a candy store, would he be the Peanut Slab?

I'm totally not poking fun. For years I had a major thing for James Gandolfini, famous for playing mob boss Tony Soprano on The Sopranos Or maybe I had a thing for Tony Soprano himself. Is there an undiscovered gangster's moll lurking within?

Mouthy chef Gordon Ramsay also reared his head a few times, with a friend of mine pointing out that she'd "certainly enjoy turning him down."

TV loudmouths did seem to be another mini-theme, with Breakfast TV host Paul Henry and House star Hugh Laurie getting a mention. Also named, comedian Dave ‘Hughesy' Hughes off Rove.

Then, of course, there are the heart throbs.

One fine lady was particularly distressed by her soft spot for Zac Efron.

"You feel like some strange paedophile with a fetish for slightly feminine boys...At least you can actually watch Zac's movies with the volume on but when you're singing along and realise his voice is higher than yours, you know there's serious issues."

And then there's Vampire Boy himself, Twilight star Robert Pattinson. One of my colleagues has a Pattinson problem but, like they say, admitting it is the first step. We poke fun. We point out that he was once in Harry Potter. There seems to be no cure.

"The fact that tiny tweens all over the world are probably having their first sex dreams about someone that I also fancy is mortifying."

Don't forget Ed Westwick, Gossip Girl's smarmy Chuck Bass, who seems to tickle the fancy of more than a couple of lasses.

Of course stars of the big screen cropped up frequently, but the names mentioned may not have been who you'd expect. More than one person quite liked the idea of actor Alan Rickman - but only dressed as Professor Snape from the Potter films.

Billy Bob Thornton was mentioned ("but only around the time of Angelina Jolie!" being the disclaimer), and Mickey Rourke ("he's sexy in a really dirty way.") Yes. Dirty with a side dish of slightly unhinged.

Even more traditional movie stars didn't escape the curse of the shame-shag. Think there's nothing embarrassing about liking Ben Affleck? Think again! Fancying him is a dark secret for one particular lass.

"It's shameful because the piss always gets taken out of him what a loser he is and that he can't act, and can you really have any respect for anyone who was engaged to J-Lo?"

Then there's the slightly bizarre. A friend of mine always had a thing for Aladdin. Yes, the guy out of the Disney cartoon. With no nipples. And don't think the world of politics got left behind. One girl in town would like to negotiate up close and personal with Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin.

Yes, Vladimir Putin.

Can you beat that? Share your shame-shag below!

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