I am bummed out by the news that my favourite princess in waiting, Chelsy Davy, has given Horndog Harry the push, and the pair are no more. Take him back, Chelsy! They need another hellraiser in the Royal Family. Fergie's had to behave herself for years, and you can't leave us with the well-mannered beigeness that is Kate Middleton. She'll never be caught necking the vodka shots.

The Day's theory on it is this: 'Chelsy found text messages he'd received from a secret admirer.' He also went to the Rugby World Cup final rather than stay in England to celebrate her birthday, and was 45 minutes late picking her up from the airport when she first arrived in the country. OK, he's been an ass. It's all been downhill since Chelsy moved to Leeds from Cape Town to be closer to her man.

The rumours in New Ideaabout Zahara Jolie-Pitt possibly being taken back to her Ethiopian family better not be true. Not Zahara! She's the sassiest kid on the celebrity block. Her African grandmother and mother claiming they were tricked into giving up Zahara to an adoption agency, through which the Hollywood superstar found her.

Zahara, born Yemasrech, was close to death when Angie adopted her, and the star was told she was an orphan whose mother had died of AIDS. It's a back and forth that echoes the dilemma Madonna went through with the ongoing adoption of her son, David, from Malawi.

Girl can't leave the Pittsters! She is a little superstar! She loves the paps, is always ready with a cheeky grin, and already has a Valentino handbag.

I'm confused with the Angie and Brad goss. She's pregnant, not pregnant, had a miscarriage, adopting again. Pretty much if you can think of a scenario, you'll find it written somewhere that the Jolie-Pitts are doing it. It's a gossip smorgasbord, just take what you want.

Angie's bad run of luck continued last week on the red carpet in London, where after stepping in gum in her pricey Louboutin heels the back seam of Angie's leather trousers then burst open, leaving Brad to do the gentlemanly thing and cover her arse.

NW reports Angie has an attachment to her new British bodyguard, who apparently 'follows her everywhere.' Der, he's her bodyguard. Surely it's his job to stick close by her? I do like his t-shirt though, which declares 'If found, please return to the pub.'

Do you believe the rumours that Posh and Becks might be planning to adopt a much longed-for daughter? I'm not a betting woman (okay, I am, but I suck at it), but I'd say that if they have a daughter it'll be of all-Beckham stock. And I wouldn't be surprised if Victoria announces she's pregnant within a few months of this Spice Girls tour being over and done with.

I'm the first to stick my hand up and say she looks to skinny to conceive but hey, Nicole Richie managed it. The Day says Posh weighs a weeny 44kg and eats almost only grapefruit and fat-burning tea. No wonder she always looks so pissed off!

"A source claims the LA Galaxy star is taking desperate measures to boost his wife's energy intake by secretly asking waiters to add extra ingredients to her dishes," reports the Day. There's not much you can hide in a grapefruit, David. God bless him, he's never been known as the sharpest knife in the drawer. But we forgive him cause he's so hot.

NW has Katie Holmes quaking in her boots for Andrew Morton's much-anticipated biography of hubby Tom Cruise. I say bring on the book! There's no reason to be worried unless you've got something shonky to hide. Tom loves to sue people anyway, he could just get the lawyers on to them. Or the Scientologists, they're not to be messed with.

In the 'too little, too late' basket, Britney Spears' mum is lamenting that she should have been there more for her superstar daughter during her teenage years. Says mama Lynne "I didn't raise my children to have Hollywood careers. This all just exploded in my face, and big dreams became big headaches." Lynn Spears has got enough on her plate without a big serving of guilt pie, but I dare say Britney didn't take herself to auditions for the New Mickey Mouse Club at the age of 8, or move herself to New York as a child and find an agent.

Owen Wilson and Jessica Simpson are apparently over before they really began, with the Butterscotch Stallion getting back to his womanizing ways and dating a model called Le Call. Le Call? What the hell of a kind of name is that? It sounds like a sunscreen or a brand of Eurotrash sunglasses. And is it her first name, or is that just Le?

The Day has a feature on Silver Fern star Irene van Dyk, there's plenty of mention of my most favourite netballer's husband, Christie. We find out she's on the Pill (slightly TMI?) and that Irene's stellar netball career has taken precedence over expanding their family.

When nine-year-old daughter Bianca was three, she used to ask her parents if she could go and buy a new brother or sister from The Warehouse. It's probably one of the only things they don't sell!

If you're up for a peek at something unpleasant, check out Shane Warne in drag in the back of the New Idea. He's dressed up as his mum Brigitte in an ad for VB, which is probably some canny advertising - because after looking at the state of him, I need a drink. Something stiffer than a beer though!

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are snapped on holiday in Mexico, and seeing the pap shots of Demi's amazing figure will prompt you to do one of two things: Head to the gym, or give up and eat another chocolate biscuit. She is 45, and smoking hot. If that's what a whole lot of plastic surgery can get you, sign me up!

Disturbing fact of the week: Britney Spears is giving Heidi Klum parenting advice. Says Heidi: "She explained a lot of things about diapers that I didn't know. You know these sticky things on the side? I never knew they were there. To close them in the front, I was always putting string around."

Hmm, Heidi has three kids. That's plenty of nappy changes. Let's hope that this was the German sense of humour in action.

I'm possibly the only girl I know who hasn't fallen for the JT charm, so I couldn't really care less that he'll be in town towards the end of the week. But I'm in the minority, so if you see the man himself round Auckland this week, do let us know.

And that's all from the mags this week!