Not content with failed careers as an actor, a model, a wrestler, a rapper (You remember Popozao, don't you? Shudder!) and a celebrity plus one, Britney Spears' ex Kevin Federline now plans to become a children's clothing designer to earn a crust.

Am I missing something here? He can't even dress himself! Is he making a tiny line of wifebeaters, gold chains and pimp hats? Although I guess a pat on the back for seeking out some kind of gainful employment is in order.

Kevin was recently at a trade show in Las Vegas for ‘research.' I bet most of his researching went on after trade hours. And away from trade shows! But I digress.

He's in serious talks about a licensing deal - and, apparently, the people willing to give him the licensing deal are serious too. And it's nowhere near April 1st, so they mustn't be joking! Still, if Charlie Sheen can produce a kids' clothing line - (I kid you not, ‘Charlie Sheen Kidz,' anyone?) then Kevin's just as qualified.

"It's a really tough business, I'm trying to take it seriously and make a quality product for kid but not have parents pay like $500 or something ridiculous for a pair of jeans," Woman's Wear Daily quotes the 30-year-old as saying.

"You buy your kids a pair of True Religions then they roll around in the dirt like kids do and a $200 pair of jeans is gone. With this economy, I'm looking to do something much more reasonable."

As of March 3rd, Kevin's job will entail following his ex-wife around on her ‘Circus' tour of the US so she can be close to her sons. Federline has primary custody of (3) and Jayden (2), but Britney has almost 50-50 visitation rights.

And just for Friday shits and giggles, here's the man himself in all his douchey glory starring in the video for ‘Popozao'

Piven vs the Broadway Man

Entourage star Jeremy Piven's excuse of ‘mercury poisoning' he gave to bail of out the Broadway production of Speed-the-Plow in December has been as widely mocked as Ashlee Simpson's excuse for lip-synching on TV ("acid reflux") and Peaches Geldof's denial of a drug overdose ("I passed out on the fumes when I was dying my hair.")

Producers, cast and crew of the David Mamet play were pissed when the Piv abruptly pulled out of his lead role late last year, at the order of his doctor after his mercury levels supposedly shot through the roof after ‘eating too much sushi.'

Piven was replaced in the play by William H. Macy and Norbert Leo Butz (good name!)

"I talked to Jeremy on the phone, and he told me that he discovered that he had a very high level of mercury," playwright Mamet told Daily Variety at the time. "So my understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer."

It's been two months, but the bad blood still bubbles on. Today the play's producers took Piven to the Actors' Equity Union in New York City. Their grievance? That he bailed on the play before the end of its run, causing irreparable financial damage to ticket sales.

The Piv's argument is that his six-times normal mercury levels allegedly left him with "extreme fatigue, spatial and balance problems, advancing neuroskeletal weakness, memory problems, difficulty breathing, and an alarmingly low resting heart rate."

He was hospitalized, he says, throughout the play's run and continues medical treatment at his own cost (er, it was his own illness, no?) in order to perform in eight shows a week. It was only after the instruction of his doctors, "including a Harvard-educated cardiologist affiliated with Yale," that the Piv up and quit.

Speed-The-Plow's argument? That Piven can't have been that ill if he was out living it large at various New York nightspots throughout the play's run. They have evidence from his private driver to back up their claims.

"Although Mr Piven's forced withdrawal from the show was an enormous personal disappointment since it was his life-long dream to perform on Broadway, he is glad that his illness has helped raise public awareness of the serious health risks caused by Mercury exposure. He is also pleased that the Obama administration is seeking an international treaty to reduce Mercury pollution, which it has recognized as the world's gravest chemical problem," ended a statement issued by Piven and his people.

Thank God! If Jeremy Piven hadn't put his life on the line we would never know the full danger which lurked under the seaweed of too many California rolls! Someone give this man a medal for public service.

The Union's panel of five union reps and five producer reps failed to reach a unanimous decision, which means Speed-the-Plow producers can take their claim to arbitration.

Damn, that Broadway lot are hardasses! None of this pandering to the stars malarkey for them. But then, you'd think he could come up with a better excuse to bunk off work.

Spotted

Kristen Stewart arriving at Tokyo's Narita airport to promote Twilight...Katie Price and Peter Andre dining out at Nobu in LA...Rihanna on vacation in Punta Mita, Mexico...Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson in Normandy on the French coast...Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie escorting Maddox, Pax, Zahara and Shiloh to see The Little Mermaid musical on Broadway...Denise Richards leaving rehearsal for Dancing With The Stars...Billy Ray Cyrus walking his dogs in Toluca Lakes, California...Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan arriving at London's Heathrow airport...Nicolette Sheridan playing with her dog on the set of Desperate Housewives...Katy Perry signing autographs outside a show in Manchester...