But don't worry! Britney still has all her hair and is wearing knickers. Well, I'm assuming.

No, this time the crazy one is Britney's former friend, the creep with the questionable facial hair known as Sam Lutfi. Get this - he is suing Britney and her parents for defamation, breach of contract, libel, battery and (my personal favourite!) "intentional infliction of emotional distress."

Shall we recap? Sam clung to Britney like a limpet while she went through a complete meltdown. She couldn't do anything without him there. Every time she left the house, bra-less boobs a-jiggling, there he was - with his horrid goatee-type thing lurking ominously on his face. He called himself her manager, her friend and her guardian respectively, and tried to tell doctors it was he, not Britney's parents, that should call the shots when it came to treating her psychiatric health.

Conversely, Jamie and Lynn Spears accused Lutfi (who has a history of stalking and threatening a former friend) of drugging and controlling their vulnerable daughter. The Spears filed a restraining order against Sam. Ejected rather rapidly from his carriage on the gravy train, Lutfi went to ground - only to pop his head out into the spotlight over the last few weeks, like a cockroach from a crack in the floor.

Since Jamie Spears extended the restraining order against Sam he has filed back in kind, accusing Jamie and Lynne Spears of ruining his good name with their accusations. Hmmm. Me thinks you have to have a good reputation, or even some reputation to ruin before you can claim damage to it.

"Jamie and Lynne launched a campaign of lies and intimidation designed to destroy Lutfi and drive him out of Britney's life," read papers filed in a Los Angeles court. "This campaign also provided Jamie with the opportunity he needed to obtain an appointment as Britney's conservator."

How crafty of you. Jamie, to whisk your daughter away from the one man who really, truly cared for her! It's a travesty. With Jamie, Britney = slim, sober, working, and a good mummy. With Sam, Britney = bloated, braless, estranged from her family, mentally unstable, and so out of control several America newspapers had already written her obituary, so sure they were that the pop star would be dead at any second.

The Spears' families' actions, apparently, have subjected Lutfi to "unfathomable amounts of ridicule and scorn," and he can "no longer find work as a counselor of at-risk teens."

That guy should be a counselor of at-risk teens like Russell Crowe should run a pie cart.

But wait, there's more! Lutfi claims that in October 2007 - around the time that Britney was getting visitation to her kids suspended, charged with hit and run and forced to sit regular drug tests - she allegedly sent him a text saying he could work as her manager for four years, entitling him to 15 per cent of her earnings.

"Lutfi claims that he hasn't received any payment for his alleged services," reports People magazine.

‘Alleged' being the word. Britney's work schedule at the time involved sucking back Starbucks, visiting all-night chemists, and crying on street corners. There was also an album, Blackout. And how does a text from someone suffering from dimished mental capacity count as binding?

Fifteen per cent of nothing is nothing, you smarmy douche. Now crawl back to the gutter where you belong.

He's Just Not That Into Who?

The red carpet premiere of new movie He's Just Not That Into You was held this week in LA, and its large cast of stars graced the red carpet to push the flick. It opens here next week.

Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Connolly, Ginnifer Goodwin, Drew Barrymore, Ben Affleck, Justin Long, Kevin Connolly and Bradley Cooper all feature in the movie, based on the self-help book of the same name. The book, by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, delves into the dating minefield and was in turn inspired by romantic advice uttered in none other than Sex and the City.

Jennifer Aniston, for whom the movie's title has proved uncannily prophetic over the last five years, looked pretty in a Burberry pantsuit in her regular red carpet choice, black. Liked the tuxedo jacket. Loved the flare in the trouser legs. I wonder if she's getting a bit fed up with the ‘John to propose on Jen's 40th' stories yet?

She walked the red carpet solo, with no sign of on-off boyfriend John Mayer. Scarlett Johansson also walked the red carpet alone without new husband Ryan Reynolds. The actress caused a minor stir by emerging in front of the cameras with poker-straight, brunette locks. Personally, I prefer her as a blonde, but she's still bloody gorgeous.

Drew Barrymore, who also executive produced the film, has always been happy-go-lucky in matters of the heart and seemed remarkably chipper with the various media outlets there despite her recent break-up with co-star Justin Long. Why does that guy give me the willies? I'm sure he's perfectly nice, he just creeps me out somewhat. He looks so...wet.

Anyway!

"I like dating!" Drew chirped to E!Online. I think its fun. I love the getting ready process. I love the idea that this [date] could be really fabulous, and if it doesn't turn out, then that's OK. Just try it again."

That positive attitude has seen her through relationships with Long, Fabrizio Moretti from The Strokes, director Spike Jonze, Tom Green, Luke Wilson, and first husband Jeremy Thomas.

Co-star Ginnifer Goodwin is also single, having split from Katie Holmes' douchebag ex-fiance Chris Klein last year. And we all know about Aniston's sometimes rocky love life.

So with Valentine's Day coming up, here's cheers to the single ladies of He's Not That Into You! Raise a glass and throw Beyonce's ‘Single Ladies' on the stereo.

I'm fun. No really, I am!

Listen up, people! Turns out Gwyneth Paltrow is not the smug, self-satisfied, mung bean eating, macrobiotic yoga yawn-fest which many of you thought she was. In this month's British Elle mag the 36-year-old actress seems intent on dispelling the rumours that she's, well, an insufferable bore.

"I'm probably less square than people think," she tells the mag in its March issue.

The Oscar winner vows that she's capable of drinking ‘one too many' French martinis (2 ounces vodka, 1/4 ounce Chambord liqueur, and 1 ounce pineapple juice into a shaker with ice), jokes about taking class-C drugs, and looks back wistfully to her days as a happy, unrepentant smoker.

"The last cigarette I smoked was the day I found out I was pregnant with Apple," Paltrow tells the mag. "I'm so pissed off it gives you cancer. But then, once you have children, if you've witnessed a death like I did with my father, you just can't. But I've decided that when I'm about 70 I'm going to start smoking again. Why not? I can't wait!"

She also speaks about marriage rumours, laughingly dismissing talk of strife in her five-year marriage to Coldplay's Chris Martin because the pair has a policy of never attending public events together. It must be annoying for them, but it's seemingly effective. Gwyneth was one of the most photographed women in Hollywood when she was dating Brad Pitt (Aniston, Jolie, it must be the Brad effect), but demand has cooled considerably since the star married and moved to London.

Perhaps a wise move on her part if, like she says, she really is keen for privacy.

Coldplay perform on our shores in March. Don't expect to see Gwyneth wandering around town.

Spotted

Miranda Kerr landing at Sydney Airport...Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes out for dinner at an Ipanema restaurant in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil...Newlyweds Fergie and Josh Duhamel keeping it casual while out in Culver City, California...Liv Tyler and Eva Mendes out shopping together in Hollywood...Tori Spelling and Jennie Garth filming scenes for the new 90210 in Los Angeles...

I'm heading on hols from tomorrow for some fun in the Northland sun! Normal blogging will resume February 16th. The marvellous Amy Williams will bring you your gossip mags rundown on Monday.