Burton and Taylor. Newman and Woodward. Jolie and Pitt? The New Idea calling Angie and Brad's romance ‘Hollywood's Greatest Love Story' just doesn't sounds right. Puh-lease. Get back to me when they've been together longer than four years for a start. And their evidence? Watching them make googly eyes at each other on a red carpet, where they know everyone's watching.

Apparently the pair has been rather amorous at recent awards show, with their canoodling getting hotter and heavier. The Day reports that at one point at the recent Critics' Choice Awards "Brad even had his hand all the way up Angelina's dress."

Interestingly, the New Idea reports that Brad may have once another love. Not Jen. Mary Jane. The mag claims Brad was a big time pothead, along with then-wife Jennifer, but gave up the weed for Angie and his rapidly expanding brood. Once, apparently, he "gifted an entire crew with 15 bongs."

I know I've said this before, but here goes. Angelina is a gorgeous woman with a banging body. Maybe she's going for the classic look when she's on the red carpet, this I could understand, but why does she always dress all matronly? She dresses like Catherine Zeta-Jones, and she's only 33. Wouldn't you like to see her in the clothes normally seen on Cate Blanchett, or Maggie Gyllenhaal, or even Charlize Theron? I would.

For someone that's supposed to march to the beat of her own drum, her choices in fashion are definitely vanilla. But then, so are Jennifer Aniston's. Maybe the two of them have more in common than they think?

Woman's Day leads with tales of Angelina. ‘Ange's Shocking Meltdown: Rail-Thin and Irrational.' Haven't they just described every actress in Hollywood?

The bandy about the words gaunt, drawn, skeletal, and waxy, and all they can kind of establish is that her crazy life could be the reason. If I had six kids under the age of seven, I'd look more than waxy. I think I'd look half dead. I must admit, though, her skin looks rather Madame Tussauds-y in the pics.

New Idea's had a makeover! And it's glossy pages lead this week with Zara Phillips, the relatively normal royal, and her struggle to live a regular life away from the royal spotlight.

Security threats put the kibosh on Zara and partner Mike Tindall buying their dream property, a converted barn on 17 hectares in Gloucestershire, and Zara is miffed. Currently they live on Princess Anne's 295-hectare estate, Gatcombe Park, so it's not like they'd be tripping over each other or anything.

"Maybe the dear girl does need a bodyguard now she's so well-known," commented a posh-sounding source.

Because Zara has no royal title and carries out no work on behalf of the family, she's not entitled to the same security as her cousins William, Harry, Beatrice and Eugenie.

Although she's been happily ensconced with rugby player Mike Tindall for years (I think he's a bit of alright, anyone else?) the mags won't let you forget that ‘Bad Girl' label. Once she pierced her tongue and once held a sex-toy party at her mum's place. Over the course of the shenanigans throughout royal history that's probably pretty tame.

The Weekly also leads with a rather royal flavour, shouting ‘Harry's Crisis' from atop its front page. Harry's girlfriend, Chelsy ‘Bottoms Up!' Davy, has jumped in to defend her prince after comments he made on an army training video referring to a mate as "our little Paki friend" hit the press worldwide.

Chelsy's unwavering support when the shit hit the fan for Harry means the pair is rock solid, with some even making noises about a secret engagement. Prince Charles is also said to be a big fan of the Zimbabwean beauty.

"She makes him laugh and he likes the combination of a buxom blonde and her sharp brains."

They also find three women in New Zealand called Kate Middleton and talk to them about their, er, name.

Kiwi Olympic boardsailing champion Tom Ashley married his Brazilian sweetheart in the countryside outside Rio, and the New Idea dedicated three pages to it. Plenty of pics and all the details, although the mag calls a capirinha a ‘traditional lemon vodka drink.' It's made with sugar cane rum and limes. I would know. They were almost my sole form of sustenance for four weeks travelling round Brazil. Capirinhas and meat on sticks.

Btw, if you know an Auckland bar that makes a good capirinha, let me know below. I'm a bit over paying sixteen bucks for muck that tastes like gasoline.

Georgina Evers-Swindell also wed lately, prompting an ‘Oarsome romance' caption from the mag. Which naturally got me thinking about ‘O for orsome,' which David Tua now denies he ever said. But it's on YouTube! Check it out here. People on YouTube seem to be starting a theory that he said ‘O for Olsen.'

Olsen? I'm not buying it.

Anyway, Caroline's nuptials come three months after the twins' retirement from competitive rowing, meaning they could both kick up their heels and enjoy a few glasses of bubbly. Which do you reckon was on the menu, beef or lamb?

The Day also runs a story on Fergie and Josh Duhamel's wedding, which happened last weekend. Check the mag for pics. They had a big bridal party, their cake weighed 68 kilos (!!!) and Fergie doesn't look like she bothered to get her hair done.

After finishing the formalities the first thing the new Mrs Duhamel shouted was "I'm married, bitches!" I find it hard to give Fergie the love, what with her ruining the Black Eye Peas and all.

The Golden Globes feature prevalently throughout our three local mags, and as we know they're so last week. Check out the frocks in any of the magazines, or Y!X's Golden Globes coverage here.

Oooh, this is juicy! The brief marriage of Private Practice star Kate Walsh crashed and burned after just over a year, and now the rumours are buzzing that Walsh's husband Alex Young dumped her for a bloke.

The Day reports on allegations that Kate paid Alex to be her husband to cover the fact that both are gay. When "he demanded a raise, she balked and he filed for divorce."

Do you believe?

Katie Holmes + Her stuggle for freedom = Bored Anna. In the Day There were two of these stories last week.

NW leads this week with ‘How Stars Lose Fat Fast'. Vegetables. Working out. Fresh food. And, refreshingly, some lipo. Nice to know some of them do it the lazy way and admit to it. Take a bow, Kerry Katona!

NW insisted Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were getting wed in Mexico any minute now, so their story that the pair had a commitment ceremony where they promised to be ‘partners for life' is a bit of a backtrack. Oh wait, they still say Jen's planning a wedding for before her 40th birthday on February 11. We'll see. That's only a few weeks away.

The Weekly concurs, sort of. They say John will propose to Jen on her 40th birthday, and is currently working on designing the engagement ring - which will incorporate the ‘designs of his tattoos.' Ewwww, tacky!

The Lindsay and Sam drama is still going on after the pair made a joint appearance in Washington DC over the weekend after their breakup and a brawl to bring in the New Year. So they're together, for now. But NW runs a story this week detailing their turbulent relationship - rehab, babies, and biffo included.

Lindsay is said to be jealous of Sam's career success as a celebrity DJ.

"What hurts me the most is that I work just as hard as any actress my age, like Scarlett Johansson, but I just don't get the opportunities that they get because people are so distracted by the mess I create in my life," she said in a recent interview.

Hmmm, Scarlett also doesn't let herself get photographed fighting in the street, without knickers, or completely wasted. Or go down the whole rehab-drink driving route. Scarlett's associated with Woody Allen. Lindsay's associated with narcotics. Just saying. And it's interesting she should use her as a point of reference, since Lindsay supposedly wrote ‘Scarlett Johansson is a c**t' on the bathroom wall of a New York club once.

Is Amy Winehouse off the crack but addicted to blokes? Amongst divorce proceedings and Wino claiming she won't let her banged-up husband Blake go without a fight, the NW has pics of her cosying up to not one, but four guys on her ongoing holiday in St Lucia.

And praise the Lord! Oprah has managed to say her nightly prayers and get a head start on her weight loss regime - by asking Jesus to help her shake the lard.

"Oprah is a very spiritual person. She wasn't able to lose the weight by herself, so she asked God for some guidance and strength and now the pounds are coming off."

And that's all from the mags this week!

PS: Can anyone tell me who got the boot from America's Next Top Model last Friday? I was out and am desperate to know. Ta!