Her ex believes Britney's woes stem from a sex addiction and rampant exhibitionism. The one-time World's Most Famous Virgin is hung up on the business. Doing the nasty. The horizontal mambo. Bumping uglies. Getting jiggy.

Lynne apparently told her goody two shoes daughter back in the day that sex was for 'bad girls' despite dressing her up as a slutty schoolgirl, and Britney rebelled by embracing the sleaze. So this whole knickerless, tacky outfitted, faux lesbian, promiscuous claptrap is to get back at mummy?

You reap what you sow, Lynnie, and if it walks like a ho, talks like a ho, dresses like a ho - it's a ho. Just a very mixed up one.

Kate Middleton storms her way back on to the cover of the Day with her shrinking figure. Always slim Kate has started smoking and shrunk to a size six of late. They say she's struggling with the enormity of her relationship with Big Willie, the future King of England. She certainly doesn't have any work woes, having quit her very trying three day a week job. And in a bad week for the princes, Chelsy and Harry are said to have called it quits too. Noooooooooo!

Run Katie, run! I'm at a loss as to why that girl actually stopped at the finish line of the New York marathon - it was her chance to grab Suri and hightail it out of there. Tommy Girl's stumpy legs could never have caught up with Katie making her break for freedom.

But please tell me the Woman's Weekly got their wires crossed when they reported her first words after meeting up with Tom at the finish line. If Katie really uttered the words "Here I am baby - signed, sealed, delivered I'm yours!" then she is not only as cheesy sap but deserves everything she gets. She probably tells him that he "had her at hello" as well.

Why or how she ran 42km without a bra on is the great mystery of the week. Maybe Tom took his chance to try it on? "Everyone just focused on her nipples," says a bystander.

Excitingly, Andrew Morton's tell all bio on the mega movie star is set to be released in January - and looks certain to pull no punches on Scientology, the truth about Tom's wives and the heated rumours of his sexuality. New Idea has the nitty gritty on the couple's finances, including Katie's baby bonuses and the intricate scale of millions she gets her hands on the longer the couple stays together.

Meanwhile NW reports that Katie could have cause to worry as the T-Dog flirts up a storm with his co-star on his latest movie. Yes, it's a girl. Apparently Tom "just oozes charm," and is "a natural flirt."

Ugh! Can you imagine getting hit on by him? It'd be akin to that dorky guy in your class at school that couldn't get the hint, crossed with your uncle that can't dance. An awkward, totally non-arousing disaster. I bet Tom thinks everyone will swoon with a flash of his pearly whites. Actually, I bet he uses that "how you doin'?" on girls. And writes them poems. And cries after sex.

Rihanna is the hotness, but her new boyfriend most certainly is not! Josh Hartnett? Yarg! "I would be lying if I told you we were not more than just friends," the starlet blabbed at the World Music Awards in Monte Carlo. Girl, you could do better than that. He looks like he smokes clove cigarettes and gets a bit whiffy under the arms.

The mags try to beat up some Angelina news, basically she has a new bodyguard and she's loaded. Enough said.

If you didn't get the message a couple of months ago in the New Idea, let's recap this week. Temepara George Has A Boyfriend. A Boyfriend, Everybody. She's still living with former Warrior Sione Faumuina in Townsville, North Queensland, and her kids are now making the move over to be with their mother. I hope they like creepy crawlies.

Reach for the tissues, guys. Vicky Lee McIntyre and her equally little-known partner, Scotty Rocker of Warkworth, have called it quits and the Day has the story.

It's news to me that the pair was considered 'our very own Pammy and Tommy Lee.' Did anyone else know that? I could call myself New Zealand's answer to Einstein, but it doesn't make it so. I doubt Tommy Lee works full-time as a car salesman while beating the drums for his band. You know, Motley Crue. The one people have heard of.

She may be "barefoot and barefaced" during the interview, but in the accompanying pics Vicky Lee is made up to the nines and wearing some fugly ass gingham heels. If you want us to feel sorry for you, those shoes are certainly the way to go about it.

The pair's relationship got 'old' and 'boring' because they both had jobs, and a baby to boot. Unsurprisingly, Scott didn't seem to keen to be literally left holding the baby while Vicky moved to California to get her kit off.

Rachel Hunter let this side of the Tasman down slightly at the Melbourne Cup last week, wearing some not so flattering dresses by Aussie designers and looking a bit beat. This could have had something to do with reports that Rachel was assaulted on the street in Melbourne by some woman who kicked her in the leg. Cue the mention of every medical woe that our Rach has ever encountered. Luckily she recovered in time to go see JT in concert - the cure for whatever ails ya!

Matthew Ridge is looking rather rough, which I think is less to do with Rebecca Loos wearing a ring on her engagement finger and more an everyday occurrence. Beyonce wears control pants, Rebecca Romijn turned 35 last week and apparently that makes her one half of a 'young couple' (?!?!), and is there something going on between Paris Hilton and Mini Me?

"Marijuana's not a drug. It's a leaf."

Arnold Schwarzenegger proves it must have been his good looks that won him the California Governorship, because it certainly wasn't his brains. Oh wait. Maybe it was his muscles?

And that's all from the mags this week!

Got any thoughts on the week's gossip mags? Let me know below!