In a statement almost as surprising as Clay Aiken's coming out, Madonna's publicist kept it short, sharp, and to the point.

"Madonna and Guy Ritchie have agreed to divorce after 7 1/2 years of marriage, their reps confirmed today. They have both requested that the media maintain respect for their family at this difficult time."

The Times reported in Britain as far back as June that Madonna had retained the service of sharp-shooting divorce lawyer Fiona Shackleton, who has represented both Prince Charles and Paul McCartney. You may remember a story about Heather Mills, furious at being granted ‘only' twenty four million pounds, tipping a jug of water over her head. And this is The Times, people. A prestigious, well-respected UK broadsheet. Not a whiff of the tabloid round here.

Word is the split was settled on long ago and the pair decided to get the launch of his new movie Rocknrolla and her tour out of the way before announcing the breakup publicly. Madonna's still in the middle of her mammoth Sticky & Sweet tour, and is currently in Boston while her husband is on the London set of his new movie Sherlock Holmes - with Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr., both no strangers to tabloid controversy.

The reasons that the hot-headed pair finally decided to call it a day could, in theory, be many or few. We'll never exactly know. Madonna rules dictates the terms of her life with an iron fist and it wouldn't be in Guy Ritchie's interest, especially when he's waiting on a divorce settlement, to go shooting his mouth off to anyone.

So let's assume! My favourite pastime.

Did he finally get fed up with that annoying faux British accent Madonna insisted on using? Or get sick of wearing so much white to their continual Kabbalah meetings? (I bet he dumps that religion like a hot potato now they've split). Was it the photos of his missus out in New York with some un-dealt with lip hair, which prompted a headline ‘Papa Don't Bleach'? Did Guy say no to another African adoption? Did he refuse to move to Madonna's spiritual hometown, New York? Was she having an affair with baseball player Alex Rodriguez? Or were they just two very different people who gave it their best shot?

Surprisingly, it's been hotly rumoured that Madonna had no pre-nup in place when she married the then hot-shot young British director at Scotland's Skibo castle in December 2000. Now, her GBP300m fortune at stake. I do find it hard to believe that someone who runs their life with that sort of ruthless efficiency wouldn't take care of their finances before tying the knot. But then, he was hardly poor going in to the marriage, and maybe she just loved him. Sentimental, but possible.

And what will Madonna do next? There have long been rumours of her moving back to New York, where she first found fame. Let's face it, despite the tweed and the shooting and the loudly proclaimed love of ale, Madonna was never an English bird. It's just not cricket (which she didn't like, strike one) to work out like a fiend and fuel your fit figure with bird seed and algae. That's not at all English.

US tabloid US Weekly is already running stories that Madonna and baseballer Alex Rodriguez are "definitely romantic," building on the stories that ran over the northern summer that something fishy was going on between the two. Rodriguez has since divorced from his wife, Cynthia.

The facts are these. Madonna and A-Rod dined out together in New York two weeks ago, on October 2. And she's always had a soft spot for sportsmen - from Jose Canseco and Charles Barkley to the infamous Dennis Rodman.

Will Madonna revert to her man - and woman - eating ways now she's single again? Despite cracking the half-century milestone in August, she's certainly no slouch in the looks department. Or Madge could go down the route of her gal-pal Demi Moore and find herself a toyboy husband. Who'd be good for her?

A split that could get ugly

In other couples who've bitten the dust news, it broke today that actors David Duchovny and Tea Leoni have separated after 11 years of marriage - and two months after he was admitted to an Arizona rehab facility for sex addiction. This makes sense. I mean, how is wanting too much sex a problem if you're having that sex with your wife?

So in comparison to the Madonna and Guy divorce this story was positively yawn-inducing - until I read in the Daily Mail that it was Duchovny who instigated the split after he found dirty text messages on his wife's phone from none other than the tripled-named terror of Hollywood romance, Billy Bob Thornton.

If Billy Bob's involved, smut is sure to follow! The guy's showed his balls in a movie, for God's sake! I'll keep you posted.

Sentencing looms for Anne's ex

Madonna and Guy's divorce is not the only news coming out of New York. I got my hands on a legal document this afternoon from one Flora Edwards, lawyer for Anne Hathaway's dodgy ex, Rafaello Follieri, to a US District Court judge.

Here's the rub.

Follieri pleaded guilty to fraud and money laundering charges in September after diddling investors out of millions in some crooked real estate scams. As part of his plea he accepted that he would most likely get a prison sentence of between four and five years, after which he would be deported back to Italy from whence he came.

But with sentencing looming on October 23, Camp Follieri has decided to plead for a more lenient custodial sentence.

The 13-page document goes to great lengths to point out that Follieri is from a strict Catholic family, did a great deal of charity work, and liked to give food to orphans and medicine to the poor in his spare time - when he wasn't gallivanting on super yachts with a Hollywood actress on other people's coin.

So how did such a saintly young specimen of a man end up a run of the mill embezzler? If in doubt, blame Hollywood.

"In a brief period of time he was socializing with some of the wealthiest and most successful people in the world," reads the document. "He was surrounded by movie stars and celebrities and this young man who neither drinks nor smokes became intoxicated with it all. Unfortunately, he lacked the resources to maintain the opulent life style of his new friends."

Call me naïve, but isn't that why you'd have famous friends? So you could mooch off them? Surely none of them are liked for their personalities?

The document even drags out the old term "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions," and recommends that "a man should not be judged solely by the worst thing he has ever done."

The person who came up with that obviously doesn't read the gossip rags.

Spotted

TV chef Mario Batali cruising through New York's West Village on his Vespa wearing - gasp! - orange Crocs with orange socks...Lookalike friends Courteney Cox Arquette and Demi Moore hand in hand at an LA event...Holly Madison walking through Beverly Hills with an iced coffee...Mel B wearing a bizarre, Grace Jones style getup on the red carpet at the MOBO awards in London...Keith Urban out on his morning coffee run in Nashville, Tennessee...Eva Mendes walking through London sporting a striking yellow coat...