You'd be forgiven for thinking the only things John Mayer was interested in was beautiful women and making limp sounding light rock - but you'd be wrong. He's also really into himself, and John Mayer's opinion of John Mayer seems to be pretty high at the moment, weeks after splitting from ex-girlfriend Jennifer Aniston.

See, seems Johnny think that because the paparazzi plagued him while he was with everyone's favourite down on her luck Friend that they were actually interested in him. Photos of the couple together were fetching up to $20,000 each. Now Mayer's flying solo, snaps of the star sell for around $200. Downgrade! Perezhilton.com reports that Mayer "thinks he's as famous as Jen now."

"Last week he went to a party, tipped off the paps, and even had decoy cars at the ready when he was leaving.," says Perez's source. "Nice, but no-one bothered to follow them, which made John think he'd lost everyone - when really no-one followed him."

Back up the truck, John Mayer. The only reason people were interested in you was because of Jennifer Aniston. The only reason people were so interested in Jennifer Aniston was because she was with Brad Pitt. The rocker loves the sound of his own voice, onstage and off. Is he the male Eva Longoria Parker?

Now go ponder your C-list celebrity status somewhere private, John. Preferably without setting it down on record.

Think before you speak, Ms Simpson

Once again, John's ex Jessica Simpson is thwarting my plans to want to like her.

The pop-star turned country crooner has hit back at claims made by her boyfriend Tony Romo's ex, Carrie Underwood, that "the phone will ring and it'll be him, and I'll maybe not answer."

"If Tony wanted to call her, or wanted to be with her, he would," Jess told the DJs on Nashville's 107.5, adding that she knows for a fact her quarterback beau hasn't been calling Underwood underhand. And how, pray tell, does she know for sure? Simpson admits she checks the call log on her boyfriend's mobile phone.

Jess, Jess, Jess. Just stop doing stupid stuff already. Checking a new-ish boyfriend's call log is well uncool, and not really conducive to holding on to the scraps of dignity you have left. Even I know that, and I've been off the dating game for a decade.

Anyway, isn't the method du jour to store someone's number that you shouldn't have under another name? He could have Carrie in his mobile phone as ‘John' or ‘Bob.' Not meaning to make you paranoid, Jess. Just saying.

Struck down by baby fever

Somewhere in the suburbs of Los Angeles, Denise Richards will be poking pins in the eyes of her Charlie Sheen voodoo doll and plotting her revenge.

Sheen and new wife Brooke Mueller (they got married in May) have announced that they're expecting a baby together. Which must really rip Denise's knickers, since she's known to previously have begged Charlie for his swimmers to have a third child. When he told her to talk to the hand, Denise famously replied that she never wanted her exes' "prostitute-tranny-infested sperm" in the first place.

No, just his annual earnings from Two And A Half Men right, Denise?

The baby will be Charlie's fourth (he has three daughters), and Brooke's first.

Mrs Sheen joins a gaggle of expectant celebrity mummies, with Sporty Spice Melanie Chisholm and porn star Jenna Jameson both announcing they're up the duff this week. Also strongly rumoured to be with child is my favourite publicity whore, Eva Longoria.

You can bet your ass if Eva is pregnant she'll be selling the story of every bout of indigestion, every lapse in bladder control, every detail of the conception process, and finish it off by flogging the umbilical cord on eBay.

Charity begins with - the Jolie-Pitts?

It's true, the French are different to us - and it's not just baguettes and berets I'm talking about. Turns out Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are entitled to French child support after settling in to their adopted home in Provence.

Even with the bajillions of dollars they earn each year, Angie and Brad's six kids entitle them to a USD $975.84 a month nanny payment, and $508.97 a month ‘orphan allowance' for each of their three adopted children.

The pair are not expected in the town any time soon to pocket the cash.

Spotted

Pamela Anderson arriving at Sydney Airport to promote her panned reality series Pam: Girl On The Loose. "Australians are so friendly, tanned and funny," she trilled to AAP...Lindsay Lohan, Samantha Ronson, and their mothers Dina Lohan and Ann Dexter Jones out for dinner in New York...Reese Witherspoon walking Jake Gyllenhaal's dog Atticus in LA while he works on location in Morocco...Marcia Cross using the men's toilets at a Malibu rest stop...'Slut' spraypainted on Sienna Miller's London home...