Has Roseanne been sucking on a can of Michael Jackson's Jesus juice? The portly comedian has gone a bit doolally on her website, and the subject of her jibes is none other than the Jolie-Pitt clan.

Kicking off about Angie's dad, Jon Voight, Roseanne goes on to blast "your evil spawn Angelina Jolie and her vacuous hubby Brad Pitt make about forty million dollars a year in violent psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more. (just sayin')."

You'd think if she knows so much about Brad and Ange, she'd know that they actually aren't married? (Just sayin').

But wait, there's more!

Rosie then had a pop at Angelina saying that she's registered to vote as an independent and finds strengths in both presidential candidates McCain and Obama.

"Miss Jolie says she likes McCain too and hasn't decided who to endorse....huh? Aren't you supposed to be somewhat enlightened, or do you not know that the African daughter you hold in every picture had parents who suffered and died because of the Republican party's worldwide economic assault on Africa over the last few decades since Reagan? whaaaa...??????!!!!

"For that matter, the Thai and Cambodian sons you are photo'd with weekly too who's pictures you sell to raise money to help the poor? Their families are victims of America's right wing military incursions too."

For the record, Maddox Jolie-Pitt is Cambodian. Pax Jolie-Pitt is Vietnamese.

"Ps....it might be good for your Asian and African children's self esteem to know you support a brown man for the leader of the free world."

Now I am certainly not Brad and Angie's biggest cheerleader, but what have those little kids ever done to her? Roseanne, you are gross, past it, and clearly have a tinge of the green-eyed monster. That is all.

 

All clear for Applegate

Nothing to take the mickey out of here, so if you're visiting for some piss-taking, best flick to the next item! Christina Applegate announced sadly earlier this month that she was suffering from breast cancer. Applegate's mum, Nancy, is a breast cancer survivor who underwent a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy in order to beat the disease when Christina was a child.

Happily, Applegate told TV show Good Morning America earlier in the week that she has now been given a clean bill of health. The Married With Children actress underwent a double mastectomy a few weeks ago in order to get rid of the disease.

"It did not spread. They got everything out, so I'm definitely not going to die from breast cancer."

The brave actress is tackling the situation positively, telling Good Morning America that her planned surgically reconstructed breasts will mean "I'm gonna have cute boobs till I'm 90."

Congratulations, Christina! Us girls and our boobs salute you.

 

Gwynnie flaunts fur

Meanwhile Christina's pal, Gwyneth Paltrow, has found herself in hot water with British animal rights groups after signing an exclusive, and lucrative, deal with fashion house Tod's to advertise their wares.

The high-brow actress poses in ads for the Italian fashion house clad in fox fur and fur-lined boots.

Gwyneth is known for her responsible, organic, natural lifestyle - but maybe that only applies when it comes to her body, and not the body of animals slain for their skins. I wouldn't wear fur. Would you? I couldn't afford it even if I wanted some, but I thought wearing fur was the kind of thing lumped in with drunk driving and wearing shoulder pads - embarrassing things done years ago by people who didn't know any better.

Gwyneth knows better. One of her great mates is Stella McCartney, a strict vegetarian who uses absolutely no furs or leather in her fashion line. Mind you, Stella has stayed pally with Madonna and Kate Moss, both of whom thumbed their nose at the anti-fur movement.

I don't see how you wouldn't eat an animal, but you're happy to wear one if the money's right. Gwynnie's friend Beyonce has also been called out by PETA for her fur-loving lifestyle.

Gwyneth is obviously wealthy, and doesn't need the cash. So maybe she just doesn't have the principles.

 

The Rumers are true!

I don't feel sorry for many people, but I almost feel sorry for Rumer Willis. The celebrity spawn turned actress with the chinny-chin-chin (that thing could move the tides in and out, honestly!) tells Page Six Magazine in the US that when she was 12 she realized she got the short end of the stick when it came to names in the Moore-Willis family.

"My sisters, Scout and Talullah, had cute nicknames," she says.

I quite like Tallulah (not with anything to do with Doing The Hula or things of that ilk), but Rumer, my darling, I don't think Scout got lucky in the naming lottery. Mind you, I'd rather be Scout than Sexfruit.

To add insult to injury, Rumer says kids at school, always quick with an insulting quip, used to serenade her with "Rumer, Rumer with a big hairy tumour."
Being named as one of People magazine's 100 Most Beautiful People earlier this year was as much a shock to the 20-year-old as it was to the rest of us. "After being compared to Jay Leno for so long, you don't think of yourself in that way."

As we come to the end of today's smut, spare a thought for Gwen Stefani. She may be rich, good looking, and famous, but she's been pregnant for what seems like two years. Give birth soon, Gwen!