It's a relatively quiet day in celeb-land. Amy Winehouse has been staying at home. Britney's looking saner and more sober by the day. No one's had a baby for at least a week, although Gwen Stefani is due any day with, rumour has it, another son. Royal is on the cards for a name, as reportedly hubby Gavin Rossdale nixed the idea of a Gavin Jr.

If they ended up with a King and a Royal, all they'd need is a Queenie. Then the Rossdale kids could hook up with Princess Tiiaamii Andre and Michael Jackson's son Prince, and they'd have a whole royal family, celeb style! Damn the Windsors.

Eva's too sexy for TV

Eva Mendes is in the headlines again, this time for a saucy ad for Calvin Klein's new perfume, Secret Obsession, which has been yanked from US TV for being ‘too racy.' I've watched this ad on YouTube. You almost have to really use your freeze frame button to see the offending nip. It's quick. It's not even a whole one. Hell, it's barely there. But it's fantastic publicity for Calvin Klein.

Who cares, anyway? She's gorgeous, it's a tiny bit of nipplage, if you don't like it, don't buy Calvin Klein, right?

I don't understand the prudish American contingent. You'd think they lived in a land where no one farted, went to the toilet, had sex or ever got naked, not even for a shower. If they had their way babies would be born fully clothed.

People stretch to catch a glimpse of celebrity chichis in the tabloids, but cause a ruckus over this? I bet they would rather see the Evers-Swindell twins jumping around to the tune of ‘we like to boogie.' I'll happily trade, that ad really irks me.

Like mother, like daughter

Viva las redheads! Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have their baby girl Sunday back in Sydney, Australia, to meet family and friends. She looks like Keith (henceforth to be known as She Of The Thin Lips?), the new mama told a Sydney breakfast radio show, and her hair has a bit of a ‘reddish tinge.'

Jen struggles to even the score

It was only a matter of time before Team Aniston went on the offensive against the might of the Wondertwins, and their multi-paged spread in People magazine. Word is that New Idea may be running next week, as the New Idea over the pond has this week.

But I digress.

Two American tabloids have run with the Aniston on their covers this week. American OK! is trumpeting wedding plans for Jen's nuptials to short-time boyfriend John Mayer, complete with a strapless Vera Wang, orchids, oysters and champagne in Beverly Hills, and a honeymoon in Greece. Either a staffer over there has a very vivid imagination or they have a source right up there in the Aniston camp.

You know the old saying, Jen - marry in haste, look like a massive gobshite when it all goes down the pan in four months. Or is that just my saying?

Meanwhile Star magazine (not the most reliable of gossipmongers) runs with the headline ‘Now It's My Turn', totally giving the impression that Jen's moved on and isn't comparing herself to the Jolie-Pitts at all. She's Having John's Baby, the magazine trumpets. Funny how one mag didn't know about the other's scoop. Is she knocked up and engaged, both, or neither?

Jen's publicist, Stephen Huvane, denies it all, but he's known for being very economical with the truth when it suits him. So economical, in fact, that US magazine once ran a whole article detailing every statement Huvane had lied to them about.

Do you believe, or is the timing a bit too coincidental for your liking?

Shia's digit drama

The horror! American Star magazine (them again!) is reporting that the damage to Shia LaBeouf's hand is so severe, he may have to get a finger amputated! His pinky, too. The finger of a thousand uses! From scratching that itch to getting into places where they other fingers can't fit, it's the superstar of fingers. No, not those kind of places. Filthy minded beggars.

The belated birthday shout out

Yesterday was Maddox Jolie-Pitt's birthday, and the coolest kid in Hollywood turned 7. No doubt Maddox celebrated in the style to which he has become accustomed to as the original and the best Jolie-Pitt child (although I do have a soft spot for Zahara). Hope his b'day didn't get swept under the carpet in the midst of all this twins hooha.

Happy birthday Maddox! May your Mohawk stay spiky all the rest of your days.