Which is bullpucky theoretically, I suppose, because how can you really celebrate a milestone for something that's dead and buried? Still, John Mayer or no John Mayer, I bet Jen will throw herself a little pity party at some stage this week.

Do you remember when they got married? I do. Fifty thousand flowers, a fireworks display, four bands and a day that cost over one million dollars. The hoo-ha was out of this world - relative to what we'd see if Brad and Angelina Jolie got married now I guess. Their romance, hot on the heels of Brad's messy split from Gwyneth Paltrow, was a barrage of golden highlights and straight white teeth, with nary a tattoo in sight.

And I know that if they hadn't split the world wouldn't have been blessed with the Holy Trinity of babies - Shiloh, Knox and Vivienne - but do you ever wonder what any Aniston-Pitt offspring may have looked like?

Or what would have happened if Nicole Kidman had taken that fateful role in Mr and Mrs Smith, like she was initially supposed to?

You say trucker caps, I say get over it

Nobody likes a moaner. And there's one in particular floating around Hollywood who, in the words of the inspiring Peter Griffin, is really starting to grind my gears.

You'd think Justin Timberlake wouldn't have a thing to complain about. Loved by critics and fans alike, he's gone from boy band pipsqueak to respected solo artist, all without selling out. He's young. He's loaded. He has a movie star girlfriend, albeit one a touch on the hermy side. But life is good, right?

Surprisingly, JT still finds something to bitch about, and he's got quite a track record. His latest is moaning to Vanity Fair offshoot mag Fashion Rocks about being slighted for credit on the fashion front.

"It's funny, I keep hearing Ashton Kutcher say how he was responsible for trucker caps," says JT, claiming he and buddy Trace Ayala "were wearing them when we were seventeen."

Justin, would you like a medal? It's not like you're quibbling over who painted the Sistine Chapel or who cured cancer. You know who should wear trucker caps? Truckers! And they probably were long before your spotty 17-year-old ass got your hands on them.

In the past has had a pop at McDonalds, complaining to GQ mag that despite the golden arches paying him $6m to be part of their ‘I'm Lovin' It' campaign, little J told the mag he ‘regretted' the McDonalds deal. After claiming he was solely responsible for their sales rising 25 per cent "when I walked into those offices and changed their image."

But wait, there's more.

"When I did the Grammys, the viewing figures went up by 25 per cent. Funny, isn't it?"

No. It's not funny. Get in the kitchen, Justin, and serve yourself up a big helping of shut up.

Shia's DUI bust - the latest

There maybe a little light on the dark horizon for Indiana Jones star Shia LaBeouf, with People mag quoting Hollywood authorities reporting that the actor was not actually at fault in the weekend car crash which saw him busted for a DUI and undergoing surgery on an injured hand.

"We have strong evidence that the other driver ran a red light," says an LA County Sheriff's spokesman.

Which, of course, means Shia will be booked on a DUI alone. Not that that's anything to shout home about. Drinking and driving is disgusting and I can't believe people still do it, although they seem to carry on with it regardless. Not cool, people. I mean, Paris Hilton did it for God's sake. From a gossip perspective you'd think that'd be enough to put you off for life, let alone the legal ramifications and possible death and disfigurement you could well inflict on people.

Anyway, I digress.

Shia, who has claimed that his name translates literally from Hebrew and French into ‘Praise God for beef,' had a lady passenger in the car that night, who turned out to be Aussie actress Isabel Lucas.

Soap fiends may remember her from playing Tash in Home and Away, the raggedy haired little girl lost who married Robbie, ran away to a cult and became impregnated with their chosen child. Run of the mill Summer Bay stuff. Turns out Isabel's been busy since she left the Bay and is Shia's co-star in the upcoming Transformers 2, as well as being the girlfriend of Entourage star Adrian Grenier.

Apparently Adrian isn't best pleased that his young lady was in Shia's car at three in the morning, and so far has been tight lipped about the whole incident. Do you smell some smut on the horizon? I do!