There were things I always thought you could depend on in life when it comes to the rich and famous. Eva Longoria will always like to talk about herself. Demi Moore will always look hotter than you. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt will always be gorgeous. And Victoria Beckham will always venture out of the house severely and delightfully overdressed for the occasion.

Or will she?

'Letting it all go' blares the Woman's Day in their cover story - Posh's battle to get pregnant with Beckham number four.

She must be depressed, ‘cause they've got her snapped at Disneyland in LA wearing, gasp, hardly any makeup and, double gasp, men's jeans! The horror! And jandals! Something must be seriously amiss in Beckhamland. What's going wrong with the world that Victoria Beckham dons a pair of flat shoes - and made of rubber?

I'm disturbed. Hold me!

Victoria is desperate to become knocked up with a girl, but has had no luck hitting the conception jackpot so far. Now I'm no fertility expert (surprising, I know, but true!) but surely Victoria needs to put on a bit of beef before pregnancy would be on the cards? Problem is, she's terrified of gaining weight - but must be taking it seriously as she's been snapped around Los Angeles ‘buying white bread' and even ‘eating cake.'

If I see pictures of Victoria eating a burger, I will know the apocalypse is truly nearing.

Surprise ceremony! The New Idea declares as Tea and Vanessa Ropati renew their wedding vows in Fiji. Such a surprise, in fact, that they invited the mag's photographer along to capture them in all their loved up glory.

Cue posed pictures, gushy declarations of love etc.

My mum always told me if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Of course, that never washed with me. But the new adage ‘don't say anything if you think it might get you in trouble with the legal team' rings truer for me here. My bosses will be pleased.

But two magazine covers in four months? Anyone else think the Ropatis might have had a rather large legal bill to pay?

Back it up, Katherine Heigl! TV's second most annoying actress (take a bow, Eva Longoria) is snapped on vacay with hubby Josh Kelley on the beach in Mexico at the front of the Day. Must have needed a break after taking herself out of Emmy contention for her role as Dr Izzie Stevens in Grey's Anatomy, saying the show's writers hadn't given her "enough material this year to warrant an Emmy nomination."

Heigl also said she was bowing out to give other actresses a shot. Like they didn't have a chance if madam was in the running? Guess what missy? You weren't the best thing about Knocked Up, Seth Rogen was. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Is Will Smith getting more Tom Cruise by the day? He's in the back of the New Idea pulling some Tommy Girl-like tomfoolery poses with co-star Charlize Theron while pushing his new flick Hancock. Invading Charl's personal space? Check. Manaiacal open-mouthed posturing? Check. Don't do it Will! If the one-time Fresh Prince goes all Xenu lover on us then I really will be depressed.

Check out the photos in the Woman's Day of Geri Halliwell's daughter Bluebell Madonna celebrating her second birthday in true diva style. I want that party and I'm on the slippery slope to thirty!

Is anyone else a bit over the Jennifer Aniston-John Mayer romance? Let's face it, we all know it's going nowhere fast, and reading these things every week about their smoking hot relationship is kind of like waiting for impending doom and the accompanying breakup.

See them on holiday in Mexico in the Day if you're interested, while NW reports she's ditched her best mate for her new man.

Apparently this behavious "is typical of women in their late 30s who are determined to find a husband before it's too late." Their words, not mine! The NW's ‘love expert' also reports that Jen has "probably put her long-term girlfriends on hold while she woos John until he impregnates her." Eeeeew. Talk about sucking the romance out of it. That sounds like breeding stock, or something off Animal Planet.

Paris Hilton steals Nicole's skinny secrets in the NW, and has put herself on ‘a crash diet of raw carrots and cucumbers.' Sounds entirely depressing. Paris does know that you can't diet away the skank though, right?

Woman's Weekly's green issue is a bit of a snooze-issue for me. I mean, saving the planet isn't smutty! And it's a bit light on the glamour with all those environmental crusaders about.

Except for in the interview with everyone's favourite on-screen Westie, Outrageous Fortune's Robyn Malcolm, who says she's taught young sons Charlie and Pete to ‘hurl abuse' at SUVs they see on the road. Takeaway coffees also give her the guilts. Sorry Robyn, but I am never, ever giving up my flat white for no-one, power cuts and petrol prices be damned.

The Weekly do report that Pamela Anderson is reunited with bad boy ‘Tommy Lee Jones.' I bet Tommy Lee would have something to say about that! It's not like you can confuse a lanky tattooed drummer and a well-wizened 60-something Texan. Sloppy subbing, guys.

Ashlee Simpson reportedly "freaking out" that she can't colour her hair while she's pregnant, Oprah's best friend Gayle has a daughter called Kirby Bumpus (poor girl!) and Matthew McConaughey has been busy baking for pregnant missus Camila Alves, ‘making brownies she seems to love.' Camila! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! We all know what'd be in Matt's special brownie batch, and it's not good for baby.

And that's all from the mags this week!