Thursday December 4, 10:37 AM

K-Fed speaks out on life with Brit

By Splash Kevin Federline has broken his silence on his life with Britney Spears to reveal the singer's public meltdown earlier this year left him at his 'lowest point of depression'.

The rapper, known as K-Fed, opens up to People magazine the same week that Britney has launched her comeback with her new album Circus.

K-Fed, who has two sons with the Toxic singer, sits down to talk about the couple's marriage, their divorce and her breakdown.

He reveals how Britney filed for divorce behind his back, how their split left him depressed and his fears for his ex-wife.

Talking about Britney's breakdown earlier this year when she locked herself in the bathroom of her mansion with son Jayden James, K-Fed tells People: "That whole night is a blur.

"You want to talk about one of my lowest points of depression - that was probably one of them.

"I was very very worried for her because I care about her. That's the mother of my children.

"Just because I'm not in love with her doesn't mean that I don't love her. I'm definitely rooting for her.

"There's nothing more that I want than for her to be in the best health and doing what she loves to do."

K-Fed reveals he first became depressed when his marriage to Britney fell apart - and she filed for divorce without telling him.

He added: "It's hard enough to be in a marriage and then have a kid, then kids - it changes everything.

"For me I'd become more concerned with my children. Not that I ignored Britney but my kids are always most important.

"I was on the road promoting my CD, I was trying to be the working dad.

"I wanted my kids to look up to me. I'm out there trying to provide for my family.

"Even if they don't need it, it's not about money; it's about showing your children.

"I mean, we were having complications. I didn't give her an ultimatum but I was trying to work stuff out with her and she didn't even talk to me or anything and went behind my back and filed for divorce.

"I was completely blindsided. It was a huge shock.

"She's just had Jayden and I'd been working for over a year. I did everything that I could to cater around the whole situation: built a recording studio in the house, made sure that I could always work at home, try to help out as much as I can.

"It just.... I don't know, I guess it wasn't enough.

"It was tough. I was definitely worried. There are a lot of people who stepped up to the plate.

"I know my mom has helped me a lot with this. I was glad that Britney's parents could come over and see the kids.

"It's been an emotional rollercoaster. For the longest time, I didn't know that I was depressed.

"You act like everything's going to be ok. I was trying to be this strong person for the kids.

"Meanwhile I am spending four to five hours a day in my bedroom just sitting there depressed.

"My nanny brought it up to me. I was in denial but then I realised it.

"So I'd go golfing and get out with my friends a little bit more and trudge my way through it."

However K-Fed reveals he does have happy memories of the couple's marriage and their time together after they met at a club in Hollywood, He told People: "I met her at a club in Hollywood, Joseph's. Our eyes met and that was it. We just hit it off right away.

"I learned real fast how much of a whirlwind the press and everything was.

"At times it's tough but we had each other. We felt like - or at least I felt like - we had a little bit of a private life.

'It's not like they knew everything that we would say to each other or every great moment we would have.

"I was madly in love with her. Everything just seemed so right. I didn't see it as too fast or too slow.

"Just because she's this huge star, I didn't care about that. I don't look at her as 'Britney Spears'. I look at her as somebody that I fell in love with.

"I never thought that I would get married but it wound up happening. That was a really, really, happy, exciting moment. I pretty much realised that I was giving my life to her, and I was doing it without question.

"It was just something that was meant to happen and probably me greatest moment with her is having our two sons.

"It was great from the time we found out."

K-Fed also responded to Britney's recent comments in the MTV documentary that she married for the wrong reasons - for the idea of marriage.

He said: "I really don't understand it. I can't really tell you how it was for her but I know for me, I fell in love.

"And I loved the idea that I was in love and I got married and had two beautiful children. If that's what she's talking about I don't know. I still don't get it."

K-Fed also shot down rumours that he applied for custody of the couple's two sons Jayden James and Sean Preston because he wanted money from her.

He denies he did it for money and insists he did it because he loves his kids, adding: "MY first question to my lawyer was: 'Am I ever going to be able to see my children?'

"I told him that I would spend every last dime I had to make sure that my children are okay. That's all that mattered.

"I didn't know how much power Britney had. That really scared me.

"I felt I could provide a stable environment. But at the same time, a reason why we ended up going through the custody battle is because I want my kids to have a mom and I love her.

"I don't want to do this by myself. Part of the whole thing was to get them safe and get her to where she will always be there.

"Because there are points in time where the whole world didn't know whether or not she would be around them.

"I talked to the kids all the time about their mom. And I had pictures of her and us and the kids in the house.

"Sometimes we'll go to bed and Preston will point to a picture and say: 'Baby and Mama and Dada'. I don't know how they came through but thank God they have."

The 30 year-old rapper also reveals that things are finally getting better, not just for him and the kids but for Britney too.

He tells People: "Oh man, it's totally turning around.

"It works when they get to see her. There's structure over there, there's structure at my house. We're trying to keep the same kind of schedule.

"It doesn't have to be completely perfect but the foundation is there.

"Pretty much everything at my house is catered to the kids.

"In the dining room there is a train we got them last Christmas that they can actually ride on.

"On one of their days off from preschool. I try to make sure that I get them out of the house, to the zoo or the aquarium.

"If I let them swim in the pool all year round, they'd be in it every day. I try not to let them watch too much TV.

"Anything from SpongeBob to Sesame Street. Preston will also watch NASCAR. The kid wants to a race car driver!

"HE gets in his car seat and says: 'Daddy, go faster!' They're really into cars, both of them.

"They also like to jump off the couches and try to land on a beanbag. They're boys' boys.

"Preston's sensitive, his feelings get hurt real easy. He is the one that is always under my wing, he doesn't want to go anywhere without Daddy.

"If his shirt gets dirty he was wants to change it. He'll also tell you whether or not he's going to wear an outfit you pick out for him - 'No I want those shoes Dad'.

"And Jayden - Jayden is a little terror. If Preston is picking on him - well usually it's not Preston who's picking on him - he'll go and terrorise the whole house. For no reason at all."

K-Fed also denied Britney's recent claims that Preston had started using the F word - and that he had learnt it from his dad.

He said: "Not at all. So many people are around the kids, who's to say who taught them to say the F word.

"The first couple of times you hear it, you're just in shock. I'm not okay with it. I tell him it's a bad word and give him a time out."

K-Fed also reveals he sees Britney every time they exchange the kids and they talk on the phone to discuss the scheduling.

He revealed: "I see her when I drop the kids off. Britney is an awesome mom. That's one thing that I never really have to worry about.

"After her dad got conservatorship of her, he had me over and I sat with her for a couple of hours.

"I let her know that I care and that I wasn't out to get her. I was making sure that she's ok.

"It's good for the kids to see that Daddy does care about Mommy and Mommy does care about Daddy, because no matter what happens, there is only going o be one mother and one father to these children."

K-Fed also doesn't rule out a reconciliation with Britney, finally telling People: "I'm one to never say never.

"I mean. I;m not going to sit here and say I'm geared up to go that route but who knows what the future holds for anybody.

"You try to do the right thing and hopefully everything will turn out all right."